Page 28 of The Impact (Parachutes #3)

“You don’t wanna kill Drew, man,” Larry surmised, way off base.

“I mean you may want to. But you won’t. You know that’s not the best decision to make, Dalvin.

You would’ve done that shit back at the house if you really wanted to.

And for that, I commend you. I see that as progress.

Look, bro. I get it. Your wife, who you still love, is dating the buster you had beef with back in the day. ”

Larry wasn’t a hood dude. But he was Black enough. Hard to explain, but his dialect did it for him.

“As bad as you want your marriage to be repaired, you might have to face that it’s actually over.”

Vin’s jaw trembled. The room distorted. Yeah, fucking right .

He shoved those emotions down before he turned into a pussy on Larry’s couch.

But the weight of it was too familiar, like the bitter truth that Lola was never coming back to mother him.

That he wasn’t enough to make her stay. Wasn’t enough to hold onto Tahli either.

“Dalvin.”

Vin gulped, rubbing his eyes.

“Dalvin,” Larry called again, and Vin’s burning glare finally landed on him. “It’s okay, man. It’s okay to feel those emotions.”

Vin pressed a fist to his lips, seconds from crumbling.

“Remember our first conversation, when all you wanted to talk about was Tahli…I mean, there was no Dalvin in there. It was all Tahli. I know so much about Tahli, I should send her a bill,” Larry grinned, almost drawing a laugh out of Vin.

“Remember what you told me. That you felt whenever things got hard or scary for her, she–,” and Larry swiped his hands like someone taking off in a sprint. “That was your interpretation of her coping mechanisms. Well, can I reiterate mine of yours?”

Vin already knew.

“It’s self-sabotage, man. Anytime shit gets a little scary, you go and do something to jeopardize it all.

Because deep down, Dalvin, you don’t think you deserve the life you’ve worked hard to achieve.

Come on, man. You’ve made it out of the jungle.

You managed to escape from the other side of that cage.

And now, when shit got out of your control, you’re not running to get a little piece of ass on the side.

No, you default to your other vice: violence.

You gotta do something to risk putting yourself right back in that cage.

Because somehow, someway… you’ve been conditioned to think that’s where you belong. ”

Vin’s skull throbbed.

“You believe everything out here in front of you that you can touch, isn’t meant to be yours.

Dalvin, you are a 40-year-old Black king in his prime, in good health, and I possess enough confidence in my manhood to say good-looking,” Larry chortled, and Vin tried to hold onto his anger, but it was slipping.

“You have built a legitimate business from what your father left behind. Way beyond what I’m sure he could’ve imagined.

You have four beautiful children. I sit down with one of them twice a week.

DJ is so smart. He’s beautiful, man. I’ve seen the photos of the violinist Dali, and Milo the master gamer,” Larry chuckled, and Vin snorted.

“Little sweet Terran. They’re blessings, Dalvin. And they’re yours.”

A pregnant pause.

“Tahli? She’s a blessing, too.”

Vin’s eyes snapped furiously. Rage made an encore.

“She may not be yours in the way that you want, but she’s the mother of your children.

She’s the woman who’s going to mold your children into adults.

One half of a dynamic parenting duo. You’re blessed to have her.

You’ve got Tahli’s family. You’ve got Lola.

She may not be perfect, but she’s here. You have a lot to stick around for and not sabotage right now.

A whole life you’ve built that you still don’t feel a part of. ”

That hit a nerve Vin didn’t even know he had.

“You know, I wrote a book on the psychological effects prison can have on the Black man. It goes well beyond the obvious—the hostility and inability to find their place in society. Being imprisoned during the years you were—ages 18-23, which by some horrible design is the end of adolescence and the start of emerging adulthood—has proven to formsignificant changes in cognitive, emotional, and social development. The time where one develops their sense of self, you were alone, angry, dark, and in survival mode. Selfish, not by choice but by self-preservation. Minimal human contact, and hardly any positive ones. No empathy allowed. No sensitivity allowed. No love allowed. Then you came out here and tried to walk the way everyone walks and talk the way everyone talks. No wonder you had a tough time maintaining healthy relationships. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve made even larger detrimental choices, beyond infidelity, rooted in that self-sabotage. ”

Vin cracked his knuckles, staring at Larry to test if the last statement carried insinuation. Did Larry suspect Vin had murdered people? Did Larry think Vin had killed Sophie? Even though he hadn’t, the blood still coated his hands.

Vin sucked in all the air in the room, before releasing it in a blast. With all of that laid on the table, making more sense than he expected, there was still one troubling thought wearing the crown.

“What if she never comes back?” Tahli, the slave master of his mind, whipping his brain. “If I didn’t get her back the first time, she’d probably be married to that nigga. Probably…” Vin pushed down chunks. “Probably have his kids instead of mine. What if I already lost her?”

“Then you gotta find a way to move on from that, Dalvin. To be grateful for what was and embrace what will be.”

It was like chewing a lemon. Peel and all.

“If you love Tahli, truly love Tahli…you have to love her past the capacity of your possession. You have to love her enough to want her happy; however she finds that happiness. She’s a smart woman. She’ll know if you love her enough for that.”