Page 68 of The House Guest

She scrunched her nose, shook her head, and giggled.

“Not sure if I can trust that reaction, silly girl.”

After the woman took my measurements and some photos, she poured Lucy and me each a glass of champagne to celebrate saying yes to the dress. Orange juice for Rosie.

She put the champagne bottle on a side table. “Shall we go over to the bridesmaid selections now?”

I looked over at my friend. “Definitely.”

“How many in your wedding party?” she asked.

“Just Lucy and my daughter.”

“Did you want your daughter to wear a white dress?”

“I was thinking something like a mini bridal dress, yeah. Rosie will want something with a flowy skirt. And Lucy can select whatever color and style she likes.”

The attendant flashed me a skeptical look. “Shouldn’tyoube choosing the color of the wedding?”

My ambivalence was probably becoming obvious. Maybe a red flag, even. Why hadn’t I cared about the flowers when Casey’s mother asked me? I guess this just didn’t feel like a significant way to prove anything. I didn’t have the energy to delve into whether there was any deeper meaning to my attitude.

“I’m open,” I said. “Details like this sometimes make me flustered, so it’s easier to let someone else choose. If I could afford a wedding planner, I would’ve let them make all the decisions. I can work around whatever Lucy chooses for her dress.”

“Okay, then.” She smiled. “Follow me. We have lots of choices.”

I held my daughter’s hand as Lucy and the woman walked ahead of us. She brought us into another room that had a rainbow of dresses tightly sandwiched along a rack. The idea of having to choose among them made my head spin.

“We’re gonna be here all day.” Lucy laughed.

“You must have some idea what color you like,” the attendant said. “That way, I can narrow some choices, since not all dresses come in all colors.”

Lucy ran her hand along the gowns. “I was thinking maybe a blue. But not quite blue. A hint of green.”

“Like an aquamarine,” the woman added.

My chest tightened.“Neither blue, nor green. Aquamarine.”

My mind fell into a haze as an unwanted feeling of sadness and longing overtook me.Dorian.I’d tried so hard to keep my unresolved feelings for the man who’d shattered me at bay, but when they came up unexpectedly, as they sometimes did, it was always painful. How could I still have these feelings for a man who’d thrown me away? And it wasn’t just that he’d discarded me; he’d made me trust him fully before doing so. That had forever ruined my faith.

Trying to forget Dorian over the past five years had been a skill I’d practiced, a muscle I had to exercise. Andit was a technique I’d nearly perfected. But occasionally, something would smack me in the face and remind me of him. It wasn’t that I missed him—how could you miss someone who broke your heart? But I did miss the experiences I’d had with him before he ended things. I missed the innocence I’d never get back. And I missed the connection I’d felt with him, even if it had been an illusion. I’d never been able to replicate that with anyone.

I missed the way I’d felt during those months. I missed waking up and looking forward to each day. I missed the passion I’d thought we shared. I missed the girl I’d been before the fantasy was destroyed.

Lucy snapped me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay, Primrose?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you all right? You look like you’re about to cry.”

“I do?”

“Yeah…” Lucy said. “You’ve been staring into space, and you look sad.”

My inability to hide it made me so damn angry. My daughter was here, for heaven’s sake. And I was thinking about another man while dress shopping for my wedding to her father. There had to be a place in hell reserved for that kind of behavior. If only I could control it.

“I’m fine,” I insisted.

I’m so not. Well, at least not when I think about Dorian.