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“Why aren’t you talking?” I ask.
I hear him weep next, and it makes my heart plummet. My eyes are watering again. My throat hurts a lot.
“Am I blind?” I say softly.
Ethan cries. “I’m sorry,” he says as he breaks down and grips my hand tighter. He wants to hug me, but he can’t because I’m hurt. “I’m sorry, Liam.”
I don’t know what to do. Ethan’s hand shakes as he cries with me. It feels like my heart is no longer there.
Why didn’t I die in the vehicle accident?
Why do I still have breath?
Ethan is holding my hand so tightly that it feels like I am his life. What would have happened to him if I had died? He’ll be by himself. Will he take his own life because of the pain?
“Where are mum and dad?” I ask, even though I might already know the answer.
No. I want Ethan to tell me. Maybe he’ll inform me that Victor wasn’t telling the truth. Please do this for me. There must be another room in this hospital where Mom, Dad and Sophie are.
Ethan says, “They’re gone,” and that breaks my heart.
He breaks down again while I cry quietly. I can’t see anymore, but I can still cry. I don’t get this world at all.
I hope this is only a bad dream, but why does the pain feel so real?
I ask, “What about Sophie?”
Ethan’s cries break forth again. “She didn’t make it either.”
“No.” I want to blow up. “That can’t be true. She was right in my arms. I was there to protect her. Ethan, she’s still alive. I was sure she was still breathing.”
I can’t believe Sophie is gone too. The young sister I defended with my life when the crash happened is gone.
But Ethan’s pain shows that everything is real. He isn’t lying. He is telling me the truth while holding on to me as tightly as I am holding on to him. We held on to one other’s hands the whole time, as if the other would die if we let go.
Today is a nightmare that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I lost my mum, dad, and Sophie.
And I can’t see.
While she rocks back and forth in her chair, I kiss her cheek. “I made you chicken soup for breakfast and put it on the table. I have to catch the bus.”
My grandma smiles. She stops me by holding my hands in hers before I can leave for the front door. She tilts her chin up to gaze at me, even though she can’t see me because she has lost her vision.
My grandma has diabetes and glaucoma, which is making her lose her vision because she is getting older. It has been going on for two years.
She lets out a sigh. “Where are you going? What about that college application? You haven’t told me anything about it.” She sounds curious.
I laugh and swallow anxiously. She would undoubtedly know I’m about to lie if she could see me right now. “Don’t worry about it, Kate. Everything is ready.”
I feel guilty right away because what I stated was not true at all. I should have already signed up for college by the time I was nineteen. I should have been a sophomore this year, I think. But it won’t happen for a while.
I don’t even sure if I’m going to college at all. I can’t pay for it. We can’t pay for it.
But Kate doesn’t need to know. I don’t want her to be hurt.
“I just have to go to the restaurant again this morning for an extra shift, but I’ll be back for lunch,” I say as I clasp her hands to reassure her.
Kate raises her eyebrows and says, “You’re still working that part-time job?” “I know they pay well, but you work too hard. You need more time to study now that you’re going to college soon.”
“Shh.” I kiss my grandma’s cheek again, and she stops talking.
Every time mother talks about my future, my heart sinks even more since I know how hard she worked to raise me.
“I know, Kate.” My happy voice echoes, even though my heart is in turmoil. “I’m going to quit soon.”
What I said is what I mean. I’m going to leave this work, but not because I want to go to college. I’m going to look for a new career instead of going to college. We need more money, so this work will be much more gratifying.
But Kate seemed happy with what I said. She doesn’t know what’s going on.
“I’m going to be late. I have to go,” I say, letting go of her hands and running to the front door.
As I walk through the living room, my eyes widen when I see the bills still scattered on the coffee table. Kate can’t read it, but—
“What is that?”
I turn my head quickly to see who is speaking, and just as I was afraid, Tyler comes down the stairs.
I love Tyler, my 14-year-old younger brother. Kate and he are the only family I have left.
I quickly grab the papers and stuff them inside my sling bag. “Just some college stuff,” I say with a shy smile.
Tyler yawns. “Did you get in?” he says, still sounding tired.
“Of course,” I say, pretending to brag as I hold the door handle.
I want to get out of this debate as soon as I can. My brother is too young to have to deal with this. He’s been a great kid, helping me and Kate without getting into trouble as other boys his age would. He didn’t always spend some of the money I gave him, which is a lot less than his peers would have, so we could buy more food. I’m quite thankful that Kate and he are in my life.
“Which college—” Before Tyler can finish his query about the college I’m going to, I shove through the door.
As soon as I step outside, the summer morning wind meets me. As I stroll on the pavement, I take a deep breath and let out a sigh.
I told Kate and Tyler a falsehood.
I’m not going to school. No, I can’t. And now I’m not going to the restaurant to complete my job as a part-time worker. I have an interview for a new job today, and I hope luck is on my side.
I need extra cash. Right away. I haven’t even paid a fraction of Kate’s hospital bills yet. Kate’s eye issue cost a lot more than what the insurance company could provide us, but Kate doesn’t realise that. She stops the treatment, but she doesn’t know that we owe her money.
Kate has been through enough pain from losing her sight and finding out that she can’t take care of me and Tyler anymore. I don’t have the heart to inform her that her illness made things worse than she believed.
It’s my turn to give up things for her now since she’s done so much for me and Tyler after our parents died. She done so much for us that putting off my college application for a year or two is nothing.
*
I swallow and watch as the woman in her 50s behind the desk in front of me looks me over from head to toe.
Today, I did my best to appear good. Even though I’m wearing jeans and trainers, I hope the blazer makes me look a little more professional. I ran out of ideas for how to style my auburn hair, so I just put it in a ponytail like I always do.
The woman, who just told me her name was Karen, squints at me and says, “Interesting.”
I raise my eyebrows in curiosity about what she’s thinking. She turns her attention to her computer, adjusts her spectacles, and lets out a sigh that makes me think she’s been conducting this interview for a million years.
“I don’t know why this person wants to hire you,” she says as she scans through her computer.
I don’t think she’s a bad person for saying that. She appears very, very interested.
My heart almost skips a beat because she said that a possible client wants to hire me.