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I walk with rage blazing in my blood.
“No.” Emily sounds like she’s about to cry.
“You f*****g manipulator,” Arthur’s brother says. It sounds like he wants to murder her. “You’ll f*****g pay for this one, you–”
Before he can finish what he’s saying, I grab him and wrap my fingers around his throat, squeezing it tightly. “Watch your mouth,” I hiss. “Don’t talk to her like that.” You better say you’re sorry to her.
I want to choke him so badly. The only thing keeping me from doing it is that his brother recently died. I can understand his rage since I have a brother too. I don’t know what I will do if the same thing happens to Jackson.
I let go of him and lessen my grasp. He breathes deeply, but he doesn’t say anything.
I turn around quickly as I hear Emily’s footsteps outside. Following the sound of her shoes stamping on the ground fills me with worry.
“Emily,” I yell. “Hold on.”
But she doesn’t listen to me. She keeps running, and I keep after her like my life depends on it. The way she runs tells me know that we’re going down to the ground level.
I know we’re in the backyard when I feel the afternoon wind on my skin and the sun on my face. I follow Emily until I hear the fountain water.
I can tell she’s sobbing in front of the fountain because her knees hit the ground and her head is on the edge of it.
I stop in my tracks. Hearing her screams again terrifies me. Her tears stop, and my heart breaks even more. My hands are trembling at my sides because I feel like I’m coming apart too.
“I’m to blame,” she murmurs, her heart breaking. “He died because of me.”
“No,” I answer firmly, almost furiously.
My voice is shaking too because I’m hurting for her. I wrap my arms around her tightly from behind and beg, “Please don’t say that.”
When our cheeks contact, I can feel her tears on my skin. I can taste her tears, and it’s not just on my lips; it’s also in my heart. It tastes like a harsh punishment.
“I never meant for it to happen,” I explain, trying to get the knot in my throat to go away.
It’s my fault if it is anyone’s fault.
She wouldn’t have looked for comfort in anybody else if I hadn’t been a jerk at first.
He wouldn’t have doubted me or felt I was a terrible person if I had been a wonderful guy and commander who could keep my warriors safe.
He may have thought I could defend her if I hadn’t been blind.
While I embrace Emily from behind, she keeps weeping. The sound of her crying and the water from the fountain make the quiet day feel peaceful.
I’m not saying anything, but I can hear Arthur’s voice quite clearly in my thoughts, like if the dead guy is watching us and trying to warn me.
You can’t keep her safe.
You don’t deserve her.
You can’t make her smile.
Emily wraps her arms around my waist and holds my hands like I’m everything to her.
“Let it go,” I say. “It’s okay. Emily, you can cry as much as you want. “I’m here.”
When I say it, she cries even more. I hug her even more.
I’m sorry.
I’m very sorry.
I keep saying those things to myself over and over again. I can’t say them out loud because it won’t help. My apologies can’t compare to the tears on her face.
A new day has begun.
As I wash my face, a tear slips from my eye. I whimper and think of how Arthur died. When I pat my face dry with a towel, I look in the mirror and see that my eyes are swollen from sobbing.
Liam held me all night long, but it didn’t make the anguish in my heart go away.
It’s bad enough to find out that someone I knew killed themselves; it’s even worse that I had something to do with it.
I didn’t intend to make Arthur feel like he lost the only person who understood what it was like to be in a place where everyone else wanted to be but us.
I attempt to divert myself by brushing my teeth, but it doesn’t work.
As soon as I’m done with my morning ritual, I leave the bathroom. My legs stop short as I see Liam waiting for me. He is standing in front of the bathroom, facing me.
The serious look on his rugged face catches me off guard. He appears like he has something very important to tell me.
My heart is racing. I don’t believe I can handle any more terrible news.
“Boxing ring,” he says.
I don’t know what to say.
“Let’s go there.” The way he says it makes it clear that I can’t say no, and he will take me there if I don’t want to go.
“The ring? “Why do I have to ask?
Liam turns around and expects me to do the same, which I do.
“Why?” “I’m asking again, trying to keep up with his long strides.”
I can only see his back, but I can picture the deadly look on his face as we walk down the hallway. It’s still very early in the morning, so there aren’t many people around. Most people in this part of the house party until late at night and then sleep for a few hours because they drank too much.
“Do you think I will just forget about it after hearing what his brother said to you last night?” “He talks through his teeth.”
I become scared when I think of what Arthur’s brother said to me when he threatened me. He said I should pay for his brother’s death.
But talking to him and telling him I cared about his brother seems like a horrible idea. He must detest me so much that he wants me dead.
We go to the basement where Liam typically trains martial arts in no time. I look at the boxing ring and wonder what Liam would do.
Why is he bringing me here?
Liam pulls off his shirt and throws it down before he even stops walking. Then he turns back to look at me, his mouth tight.
I’m still out of breath from getting here so quickly.
He steps into the arena and says in a strong voice, “Follow me.”
He reaches out his arm to help me climb up, and I allow him pull me up.
I can see where this is heading, but I don’t think I’m ready. Liam, on the other hand, appears to be in a hurry, as if bringing me here is the most essential thing right now. But I still believe he’s rushing it. I’m not ready for it.
“I’m going to teach you,” he says.
I swallow.
“You heard him. I can’t stop thinking about it. “He’s going to hurt you, Emily.”
“Liam—”
He cuts me off before I can even say what I want to say. “I can’t always protect you,” he says. “He knows he will be dead if he ever touches you, but he’s still going to do it.”
It’s clear that he’s angry. I can tell that this is making him feel bad. His hands are tightly clinched at his sides, and his chest is rising and falling.
“I’ll hunt him down if he ever comes near you, but I’m not going to take that chance,” he adds firmly. “You need to learn how to protect yourself.” I can’t see, Emily.
I take a step forward and say, “Liam—”
“Start now,” he says. “Fight me like I’m him, and I’ll show you how to protect yourself.”
Liam walks to the centre of the ring without waiting for me to say anything. The scary look on his face makes me want to go to him, so I do.
Today I’m wearing my joggers and T-shirt. Maybe that’s enough to let me move around, but I’m not a pro. I can’t even say I’m athletic; I only work out regularly for my health. If someone asked how well I exercise or play sports, I would say I’m below average. That’s something I still need to work on.
I take a long breath and choke. I want to tell him not to worry and that Arthur’s brother could have simply made an empty threat, but it feels too late now.
Liam shows me how to warm up, and when it’s time to practise, I can’t help but get more scared.
Liam says, “Let’s get started now. I’m going to show you how to punch, block, and kick.”
I watch Liam give me the examples. He does it so perfectly that I worry whether I’ll ever be able to do it correctly. He’s just too skilled. His adversaries die from the way he moves, yet he makes it appear so effortless.
He stays near by and shows me how to do it when it’s my turn.