Page 19

When the rain starts to fall, she’s still looking for the proper words. I swear. The rain gets heavier with each passing second.
I stomp away from Emily to look for a spot to stay dry. We’re at the farthest part of the backyard, so it will be too far to get back inside. I would think about that alternative if I didn’t dislike rain so much.
Before I know it, I’m rushing towards a gazebo that isn’t too far from where we are. Even though I’m blind, I can find it without any trouble since I know exactly where it is. I know this property inside and out.
The heavy rain hitting my body is already making me angry. The sound of it hitting the ground hard is obstructing my hearing.
Rain, damn it. I really dislike it.
I halt under the gazebo and breathe hard. Emily comes over to me. She is also panting, but not as hard as I am.
“What’s wrong?” she says, worried that this isn’t a natural reaction to the weather.
I closed my eyes and held my hands tightly at my sides. “I hate it.” My voice sounds rough. I open my eyes once more.
“What?”
“The rain.”
We all stay quiet for a long time. The only thing we can hear is the rain dropping fiercely.
“Why?” Emily eventually asks again. She seems really worried, which makes me feel a little less tough.
“It makes me feel helpless,” I add, and I’m surprised that I’m saying it out loud.
This gal is progressively helping me let go of my feelings. I have no idea how she does it.
Emily doesn’t ask for further details, but I can already feel the words coming to mind.
“I hate how the rain hits my body,” I say. “It’s really harsh, like it’s trapping all my senses. I don’t like feeling it because I’m already blind.”
She doesn’t say anything, so I keep on. “The rain also washes away all the other smells and scents. I feel like all my clues have disappeared. It also makes it hard for me to hear because all I can hear is the sound of it pouring harshly all around me.”
I can only hear the sound of the rain now. I wouldn’t be able to hear Emily if she wasn’t next to me.
“That sounds so sad,” she continues, as my eyebrows wrinkle. “On the other hand,” she says in a happy voice, “I see a rain as something good. Happiness.”
I can see how happy she is when she says that.
“I like to dance and play in the rain,” she adds. “You’re right. All we can feel and hear is the rain itself, but it feels freeing, like we don’t have to think about anything else. We shut the whole world out and can do whatever we want.”
I can sense her going towards the rain, which makes me pay attention. What the heck is she going to do?
She lets the rain soak her and laughs out loud. She sounds like a small child who’s really joyful.
“Oh God. It feels so good,” she squeals between laughs.
She then moves while humming. I can tell she’s spinning and dancing like the world doesn’t matter by the sound of water hitting the ground.
“Are you crazy?” I hiss.
“Come on.” She comes up to me and grabs my hands, attempting to pull me into the downpour. Her fingers are chilly, but she doesn’t seem to mind.
My hands are trembling a little bit, and it’s really awkward.
“It’s okay,” she said in a gentle voice that was so close to me that I could hear it. “I’ll show you something so you don’t have to be scared of the rain anymore.”
The thought sounds so good. I somehow manage to put my ego aside. I move away from the gazebo slowly, letting the rain hit me.
I feel confined, as usual, especially since it’s raining so hard right now.
“Easy,” she murmurs softly, still gripping my hands securely.
I feel like a hurt and lost animal, and she is the only thing that keeps me grounded.
“You think too much,” she says. “Don’t think about anything else this time. You’re fine. You’re safe.”
I swallow and feel that her sweet voice is the only thing that can let me see in this dark place.
As drops of rain hit my face, I gaze up at the sky.
“Can you feel it?” she says, still in a soft voice. “Feel the rain. Breathe it in. It’s not going to hurt you. It’s not trying to trap you. It just wants to wash away all your pain.”
I don’t know why I’m letting someone talk to me about something so deep and emotional, but I want to trust what she says. I’m now working on getting over one of my major anxieties. If I didn’t trust what she said, I know I would become worse.
I close my eyes and take a long breath, taking in as much oxygen as I need. I’m trying to experience what it actually is instead of inhaling dread.
New. Not too warm. But it feels good.
It doesn’t smell as awful as it used to. It’s the fragrance of nature, and it’s not a bad thing. If it’s really attempting to wipe away all my suffering, I’ll let it do it entirely.
I need to let go of my anguish more than anything else. It’s been hurting me since the day my life fell apart.
When I open my eyes again, I notice a single tear rolling down my face. I’m glad she can’t see it. It would appear like another drop of rain falling on my face.
She says, “Dance with me,” in a taunting way, and I can picture her smiling.
I now have a strong want to see how she appears when she grins. What does she look like when she smiles?
“Come on.” She giggles and rubs my shoulder with one hand while still holding my hand with the other.
She proceeds to show me how to do the moves, and then we dance in the rain.
She dances with such ease. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, so I don’t believe she realises what she’s doing. But she doesn’t care at all. She dances as if nothing else matters.
She was right: the rain is helping us forget about everything else and allowing us do anything we want.
She laughs and twirls about while holding my hand. The sound of her laughing and the sound of the rain pouring are the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. I never want this to stop.
My thinking takes me off guard, and I suddenly stop moving, which surprises her. The rain has slowly changed into a light drizzle. It’s not raining as heavily anymore, and my other sensations are starting to come back.
“Hey, Liam?” Emily asks. “What’s the matter?”
A thunderstorm suddenly hits, making her scream and fall onto my chest. I reflexively grab her in my arms, and right now I can feel how hard our hearts are racing against one other.
“Sorry,” she stutters and hastily pulls away from me.
There is an unpleasant quiet, so I remark to her, “You still haven’t told me why you’re following me today. You said there was something–”
I can’t finish my statement because I don’t know what to say. I can see she’s unsure, and I’m doing my best to keep my cool.
“Well,” she says, sounding like she’s ashamed of what she’s going to say. “I’ve been following you around because I still don’t feel safe walking around this house by myself.”
Anger creeps into me like a disease that makes me sick.
“Especially at mealtimes,” she goes on. “I know you saved me and that no one would want to mess with you, but those guys are such jerks. They’re still trying to scare me while they can–”
I can’t hear the rest. I move away from her in a fit of wrath and storm back towards the home.