Page 44 of The Grump I Loathe (The Lockhart Brothers #3)

“Eddie…” I trailed off, the speech I’d prepared dying on my tongue. I’d spent weeks thinking about what I’d say if I got another chance, and now that my opportunity was here, staring me in the face, a prepared speech felt like a mistake.

She didn’t want some polished, buttoned-up version of me. She wanted the real me. The guy who wore sweatpants to bed and chose grilled cheese over a Michelin-star meal and actually, sorta liked Scarlet Rush—and not just because Grace did.

She wanted the guy who liked to dance.

The one who’d proudly walk around holding her hand.

Most of all, she wanted the guy who’d choose standing by her side over keeping a secret. Because being there for my family, protecting them, never should have come at the expense of Eddie. It should have included her.

And my greatest mistake was taking this long to figure that out.

“Are you…going to say something?” she asked. “Or did I come all this way for nothing? ”

“No,” I hurried to assure her. “I mean, yes. I want to say something. There’s so much I want to say, I just…don’t know where to start.”

“Why don’t you start by telling me why Grace is dressed like a giant turkey?”

I twisted around, spying Grace, her face pressed against the window next to the door. I released a burst of laughter. “She was really excited about you showing up.”

“And were you?” Eddie asked, her dark eyelashes fluttering.

“Of course I was.” I took the laser gun from her, set it down on the roof of the car, and held out my hands, tense from head to toe as I waited for her response. For a beat, she didn’t move. Then she put her hands in mine, though she still held herself like she might snatch them away at any moment.

This was my chance, and I wasn’t going to waste it.

“I’m sorry for what happened at the wedding,” I said.

“I’m sorry for blaming you for the incident, for ignoring your injury.

I was stressed and upset, but that’s no excuse.

Most of all, I’m sorry I focused on keeping the relationship a secret at the expense of your safety. ”

Eddie nodded once, her lashes fluttering again. “It felt like I didn’t know you at all. Like you weren’t my Connor. And that terrified me.”

My chest clenched, my hands tightening around hers. I wanted to be her Connor so damn badly. “I’ve thought about that weekend a lot. And you know what I realized? Since I was a kid, I’ve tried to protect people from the rest of the world. First my mom, then Ali, then Grace.”

“You do look after the people you care about,” she agreed.

“I try. But I don’t always succeed. I grew up thinking I knew what was best for everyone. Turns out, I’ve been prioritizing wrong, hurting the people I cared about most. ”

I’d been so focused on keeping Mom safe that I’d been blind to how good for her the relationship with X really was. I’d tried to protect Grace from getting hurt by Ali, but bickering with my ex-wife over missed visitation just stirred up more conflict, with poor Grace stuck in the middle.

And as for LockMill—I’d thought I was protecting my employees with that ridiculous no-dating policy, but all I’d done was shoot myself in the foot and let Eddie down. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”

Eddie sniffled, her hands trembling in mine.

“I don’t know if you can ever find it in yourself to forgive me for walking away from you that night, but if you can, just know I’m done with that.

I’m not hiding behind my glass walls anymore.

No more HR bullshit. No more excuses. I’ve had a wall around my heart for too long.

I thought if I kept everyone at a professional distance, it would hurt less if they turned around and left.

But losing you hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt before. ”

A tear slipped down her cheek. I released her hand to brush it away. “I mean it, Eddie. You waltzed into my life with all your color and your swagger and shook up the bland existence I’d been living.”

Eddie gave a throaty laugh, rolling her eyes.

I caught her face in my hands. “I’m serious. From the day we met, you’ve been spicing things up for me, literally.”

“Oh my God,” Eddie groaned playfully. My heart soared at the sound. “Are you ever going to let that hot sauce incident go?”

“Absolutely not. It’s the most unforgettable entrance anyone’s ever made in my life.”

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she stared up at me, her lip caught between her teeth, fighting off a grin .

“I’m not ready for my life to be any less spicy,” I said, voice low, words raw. “I’ve lived my entire life in crisis mode, so braced for the next emergency that I never stopped to actually enjoy anything. But I don’t want to be like that anymore.”

“No, you don’t,” she agreed.

“It’s okay for me to get on the dance floor every now and then.

And to hang silly pictures on the walls.

And to fill the office with M&M’s and a rat with designer attire.

” I pulled her closer, my thumbs on her cheekbones.

“It’s okay if I’m not always in control—because God knows, I can’t control the way I feel about you. And I wouldn’t want to.”

She reached up, laying her hands over mine. “What do you want, Connor?”

“You,” I said breathlessly, desperately. “I never realized I could want things for myself, Eddie. And then you came along and showed me it was okay to be silly and have fun. The world won’t come crashing down on my shoulders if I let go a bit.”

Her mouth twisted into a soft smile, her hand reaching even higher to tug on that lock of lavender hair.

“But when the world fell down around your shoulders, I wasn’t there for you.” I pressed my forehead to hers. “And I’m always going to regret that. Knowing how much I wanted to run to you scared me. I love you so much it hurts.”

Eddie gasped, the sound spilling out and washing across my face. “You do?”

I nodded slowly. “So, so much. And I’m done denying it. You deserve better than half measures. Better than secrets. Better than sneaky hookups and kisses in dark hallways. ”

“The sneaky office sex was kinda hot,” she admitted with a giggle. “Although I’m sure Darius won’t want to see us on any more security footage.”

“He did what? No, never mind. I don’t want to know.

” I choked on a laugh. “Eddie, if you’re willing to take me back, then I want to tell everyone about us.

First and foremost, I want to tell my family.

That’s why I invited you here. I want them to know this wonderful, talented, amazing woman who’s flipped my world upside down. ”

My heart hammered against my ribs as I prepared to ask the question I’d been dying to ask. “I’d really like to take you inside and introduce you to everyone as my girlfriend. And the love of my life.”

Eddie’s smile widened.

“If you…” That sick tightness returned. This was what Liam had been talking about.

“If you think you could still want that, I promise to fill your life with fun and joy and laughter. So much fun you won’t even know what to do with yourself.

And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you know you, along with Grace, are at the top of my priority list every single day. ”

My breath left me in a rush. All I could do was stare at her, study every single microexpression, and wait.

Eddie tipped her head into my hand. “You know, I’ve been doing some of my own thinking,” she said, “and fun is great, but it’s not the right choice all the time.

Most especially, it’s less great when you’re trying to use it to mask the hard things in life.

I thought if I could distract myself enough, nothing would hurt me, but that wasn’t the case.

I don’t want to hide behind my feelings anymore. I want to experience every moment.”

I nodded, starting to agree, but she cut me off .

“I want that for both of us.” She took a step back, leveling me with the most serious expression I’d ever seen on her face.

“So, if this is going to work, that means no more avoiding the hard things. No more hiding it all behind fun and games or corporate excuses. We’re in it together, which means we figure it out together. As a team.”

My chest had cracked open, but instead of bleeding out, elation was rushing in, filling me to the point of bursting. She wanted to try again. “I can get on board with that,” I said. “As long as you’re still up for laser tag tonight. Grace is really, really excited.”

Eddie grinned. “You’re on, Lockhart. But you better bring you’re A-game. There’s a reason people call me Single Shot Sheppard.”

I threw my head back and laughed. “Who are these people?”

She narrowed her eyes playfully. “Anyone who’s ever been at the other end of my laser gun.”

“I can’t wait,” I said and meant it. I couldn’t wait for every silly, wonderful thing our future had in store. I tugged her close, caught her face in my hands, and leaned down, touching my lips to hers. The kiss was soft and slow and felt exactly like coming home.

A muffled cheer sounded from inside.

Eddie broke away, giggling.

“Sorry, that’ll be Grace,” I murmured. “She had the binoculars out.”

“I applaud the commitment,” Eddie said. “Does everyone else know about us?”

I lifted my shoulder. “I needed a couple pep talks. Well, more than a couple. But the person I most cared about talking to was Grace. The two of us to talked about what it might look like if you agreed to give me another chance.”

“And?” Eddie asked, threading her fingers through mine .

“She was ecstatic. She thinks you’re pretty awesome. Just like her dad.”

Eddie leaned her head against my shoulder. “Keep talking. You’re on a roll.”

The front door flew open suddenly. Grace stood there, hands on her feathery hips. “Bring her inside already! I can’t take it anymore!”

The door slammed shut again. I glanced down at Eddie. “Sure you’re ready to be a part of the annual Lockhart Thanksgiving shenanigans?”

She playfully pushed at my shoulder. “You should have told me to bring my matching turkey costume.” She gasped. “Oh my God! I’m totally ordering one for Mr. Cheesers.”

“Well, he already has a Thanksgiving sweater, and I’m fairly sure I saw one with a stocking on it, so he’s set for Christmas.”

Eddie paused on the steps to stare at me. “Really?”

I nodded. “Finn bought them when he ordered holiday sweaters for Lord Meowington.”

She opened and closed her mouth, as if she was trying out words for the first time, then snapped it shut before finally speaking. “I need to meet this cat.”

“I’m pretty sure he’d try to eat Mr. Cheesers.”

“Well, we can’t have that.”

“Definitely not,” I agreed.