Page 6 of The Grief We Hold (Iron Outlaws MC Colorado #1)

5

WRAITH

“ I s this your truck?” the little guy asks me from the back. He has dark hair like his mom, but his complexion isn’t pale. Dark eyes. Dark eyebrows. Tanned skin even though it’s April.

“Yeah. It’s my truck.”

I wonder how old he is. Five or six maybe. I wonder if Lottie would have been this cheerful and chatty. What would it have felt like to pick her up from school and drive home listening to stories about her day?

“Do they cost a lot of money?”

“They do.” Even though the guy who sold it to me gave me a discount just to get me off his drive and out of his neighborhood. Or maybe it was the fact I rocked up with three of my brothers, all in our cuts, clearly carrying weapons.

“Do you like cats?” he asks.

I glance into my rearview mirror to look at him, but he’s drawing something in the condensation of the window. Great. Now I’m gonna have to clean the windows, again, after I just had it detailed.

“No. I don’t like cats. Or dogs. Or lizards. Or any other kind of pets.”

“Oh.”

I hate that there’s actual fucking sadness in the single word.

I pull up outside the hardware store and take a look at Raven. She looks gray with pale blue circles beneath her eyes. Her cheeks are a little sunken, and a part of me wants to touch them to see if they’re cool or hot to the touch.

Just to see if she has a fever, not because I want to see if they’re as soft as I imagine.

“Fuck me,” I curse.

“That’s a bad word,” the kid says.

“No shit. Where does your mom keep the key to the house?”

He releases the seat belt and wiggles forward so he’s peering between me and Raven. Little fingers point towards her pocket. “Probably there. She always has a small packet of tissues too. And sometimes gum, but only peppermint because she hates wintergreen.”

I fish around in it gently until I find the key.

Raven rustles but doesn’t wake up.

Should just give her a quick shove. Wake her up. Let her get the two of them inside and just leave them to it.

Fuck it.

“I’m gonna open the front door, and you’re gonna get up those stairs. Then I’m gonna bring your mom in.”

“You promise?” He looks distressed at the idea of leaving her with me, as if he might never see her again if he does.

The kid has guileless eyes, and it’s hard to look at him for too long. I put a hand on his shoulder for a second and squeeze gently. “Promise.”

Thankfully, the rain is easing as I jump out of the truck. Once the door to their apartment is open, I stride back and reach for the rear door to let the kid out.

“What’s your name?” he asks.

“It’s Wraith.”

“Wraith. Wraith. Wraith.” He rolls the word around in his mouth over and over. The final one is long and drawn out. “I’m Fen.” He offers me his hand to shake.

The man in me responds to the genuine offer. His little fingers are cold, and I wonder if I should have turned the heat up in the truck a little higher.

“In you go, kid.”

I don’t know why I don’t use his name. It just seems…wrong.

He takes off his coat and hangs it on one of the two hooks in the hall. Then he skips up the stairs, obviously happy to be home.

I turn back to the truck and look at Raven inside. She matches the aesthetic of my truck. Black hair and silver jewelry. And it irritates me.

I pull the door open and reach across Raven to release her seat belt. She murmurs but doesn’t properly wake. It takes a moment, but I manage to get my hands beneath her such that I can lift her out of the truck.

Using my boot, I kick the door closed and head to her apartment. She rouses a little halfway there. “What are you…?”

Her words are slurred, like she’s had too much to drink.

Has she? Is that why she’s puking on the sidewalk at four in the afternoon?

I don’t smell any alcohol on her breath.

“Just getting you inside.”

She doesn’t fight me, and if I allow myself to be human for a second, she feels good in my arms.

Light as a feather.

Warm as she snuggles up against me, half-asleep.

Hallie was tall, had a fuller figure, one I wasn’t scared of breaking. Raven is tiny.

But I like it.

I shake my head to clear the comparison.

Then I take the stairs carefully, turning slightly sideways to make it to the top without banging her head against the wall. Once we’re up there, I put her down and hold onto her until she is steady. Then I help remove her coat.

“Wraith,” she says breathily, and the way my name sounds from her mouth makes me feel a little funny. I’ve heard it said a million times over the years, but only one other person was able to say it in a way that reached past the biker to the man.

“Can you get me a towel, kid?”

Fen runs to the bathroom and returns with one. I run it over her face and through her hair, trying to bury the need I feel to take care of her.

Which is when I take in just how shitty the apartment is. There’s barely any furniture, only one armchair to speak of, and a mattress on the floor in the bedroom.

The whole place is spotlessly tidy. And there’s a small stack of books and paper and crayons that I assume are Fen’s.

“Take a seat,” I say, leading her to the reclining armchair. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Wraith, you don’t need?—”

“Stop talking, Raven.” I head out of the apartment, taking the key with me, and walk to Ma’s place.

“Axel,” she says. “What can I get you?”

“I need takeout for two. Something for Raven and her kid.”

Her eyebrows rise and almost hit her forehead.

“Not like that. Found her puking on the side of the street. Guess there’s something doing the rounds.”

Ma huffs. “Sue got it too. Probably gave it to one another.”

“You got any of that chicken noodle on the menu today?”

Ma stares at me for an extra second. “As fortune has it, yes. I’ll give the kid a lasagna or something. Give me five to see what’s ready to go.”

“I’m just gonna go to the pharmacy and pick up some things.” I put my hand on the door to pull it open. “Did you know how shitty that apartment is?”

Ma nods. “Bare bones is what I heard.”

As I walk across the street to the pharmacy, I think about all the shit in my garage. Hallie loved fixing up old furniture. Stripping it, staining it, painting it, repurposing it. Some stuff she sold. Some she kept. It wasn’t about making money because my life as an Outlaw has always brought in more than enough. She said it gave her a purpose of her own.

Fuck, I miss the sound of her voice sometimes. Like when she was laughing at some surly thing I said. Playfully scolding me in a way I couldn’t help but melt over.

It takes me fifteen minutes to get the supplies I need and grab the food from Ma.

I let myself in to Raven’s apartment, and when I get there, she is fast asleep again, and Fen is sitting coloring a picture at the table.

“Kid,” I say, putting the bags on the small strip of counter in what I guess you’d call the kitchen.

“Wraith.” He doesn’t even look up, but his little tongue pokes out as he concentrates.

“What are you drawing?”

Finally, he holds up the drawing to me. “It’s your truck.”

I can see the blocky outline. In the rear window is a little stick figure waving, which I assume is Fen. There’s a man in black in the front with frown lines, which has to be me. And I have to bite back a smile. “Is the yellow your mom?”

He grins mischievously. “Yeah. When she was puking.”

“I’m sure she’ll love it.”

He shakes his head. “It’s for you. To say thank you. How do you spell your name?”

“W-R-A-I-T-H.”

I follow his hand as he writes every letter. The h is backwards. “I just need to finish coloring the truck.”

“Maybe go get changed out of those wet clothes first while I serve up dinner.”

“Okay. I’ll put my pajamas on. Momma doesn’t like it when I waste clean clothes that will need washing.”

I search in the cupboards and find a plate before serving up a generous portion of the lasagna. “Where’s the cutlery, kid?” I ask when he returns and sits at the table.

He points to the cupboard. “In a cup up there.”

I find a small jug with two forks, knives, and spoons that match the ones from the diner. It’s hard to wrestle down the emotions that the two of them shouldn’t be living like this. Something tells me Raven is doing her best, but it shouldn’t be this. The club does a lot of charity drives for the community, and I’m wondering if we couldn’t send a little Outlaw charity Raven’s way.

Make it the club’s problem…not mine.

“There you go,” I say finally when I place the food and cutlery in front of him.

When Fen returns in little green pajamas that have jungle animals on them, he looks over his shoulder at his mom. I notice he’s placed a hoodie over her so she’ll be warm. “Will you stay and eat with me?”

I look at the time. “It’s a little early for me, but you enjoy it.”

His face falls. “But what if I need help cutting it?”

I take the knife and fork from him and cut it the best way I know how to make the lasagna easier to eat. “There you go.”

His face brightens as he tucks in. I can’t help but think of Lottie. The way she’d wiggle in her seat when she saw a spoonful of just about anything except carrots coming her way.

Before I leave, I walk over to where Raven is seated on the recliner. I don’t know what makes me reach out and touch her hair, but it’s as smooth as I thought it would be. Probably a delight to wrap around my fist and yank her head back while I fucked her from behind too.

Ugh, I’m obviously losing my mind to have those kinds of thoughts while the woman’s kid is sitting right there eating his dinner while coloring a picture of my truck.

Raven wakes with a start, too quickly for me to snatch my hand away.

“Was checking whether you had a fever.”

She glances around the room, her eyes scanning quickly until she sees Fen, and finally relaxes. “What are you doing in here? I thought you left.”

I grab her key from my pocket and hand it over. “Borrowed it so I could get you some supplies. I picked up dinner, then got you some medicine. The soup is pretty bland and should be easy enough to keep down.”

Her cheeks go pink. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the money to pay you back just yet. I don’t get paid at the diner until?—”

“It’s fine, Raven. Call it a welcome-to-the-town gift. Just…don’t go walking around while you’re sick, yeah? It’s not fair to your kid to see that.”

Indignation etches her features. “I didn’t plan on being sick.”

“And get a bike or a car or something.”

She smacks her forehead dramatically. “Transportation. Why didn’t I think of that? You know anywhere you can pick up a car for zero dollars these days?”

Shit. I feel like a heel for that comment. “I’m going. And you’re welcome.”

She blows out a breath. “I didn’t ask for any of your help, but…thanks.”

“Don’t make a habit out of it, yeah?”

Raven nods. “You can be sure I won’t.”

“Are you going, Wraith?” Fen asks.

“Yeah.”

“Here.” He runs over and hands me the drawing. “Put it on your fridge. That’s what Mom does with my drawings.”

“Will do.” I say the words even though I intend to put it in the garbage.

I let myself out and climb into my truck. I begin to screw the drawing up between my hands, but then I pause and try to flatten it on the passenger seat.

“Fuck,” I curse, and pull away from the hardware store.