Page 25

24

WRAITH

M y vision blurs, and I hiss in agony as the hot water rushes over my body. I slap my palms on the white shower tiles as I try to breathe through it.

Bloodstained water swirls the drain as I look down at the rust-spotted plug hole.

And I try to focus on what Smoke told me. That there’s a meeting at the clubhouse first thing in the morning, and my attendance is nonnegotiable. We’re going after the fuckers who would hurt us.

And I’m ready.

What I’m not ready for is to process why I leapt from my seat, running through bullet fire, to pull Raven to the ground. I didn’t raise my weapon. I didn’t fire back.

I did nothing except curl around Raven’s body with the singular thought of holding her close, creating safety in my own arms for her.

Feeling her shake fueled my anger with the fuckers outside, raining down fire on us. But it wasn’t enough to force me to my feet to participate in ending it.

Nothing could have made me let go of Raven until the last bullet was fired.

And there was no mistake who the body in my arms belonged to. I wasn’t having some mental break, where she became Hallie.

She was Raven. Every inch of her, from the scent of her shampoo to the way she felt pressed against me.

I hated leaving her to go see what I could learn about them.

I hated seeing her tearstained face.

I hated the way Fen looked terrified, and she looked devastated.

The pain starts to numb. The water runs clearer. But I know what I have to do. The bodywash on the side of the tub is citrus scented. Not a surprise given Raven always smells like a bowl of oranges. I pour a dollop between my hands, turn it to lather, take a deep breath, and wash my body and wounds.

The bite of pain starts all over again, but I bear it until I’m certain everything is as clean as I can get it.

Once done, I wash my hair and face and then turn the tap to cold.

Emotions are running high in me, an unusual state for someone who kills so easily.

Fear is a funny thing. I rarely feel it anymore. But the ache of it today is as intense as the cold water hitting my skin. I wasn’t scared for me. For two years I’ve hovered on the die side of the living-versus-dying conundrum. Arguably, I’ve been dead inside since my family was murdered. But the fear that Raven would no longer exist drove my every decision in that diner.

I can’t put a label on what the two of us are.

In the scheme of relationships, we’re nothing. Two people whose bodies collided for one night.

And yet…

I’m in her shower, looking after her when I should be with my brothers. And I know it’s going to take a bomb going off to get me out of this apartment tonight. Even if that means sleeping on that lumpy recliner in the main room.

I tip my head beneath the icy spray and allow it to clear my thoughts.

When I step out with the towel wrapped low on my waist, I see Raven has set up a mini medical station on the table. She’s dressed in emerald-green silky pajamas and a white T-shirt.

No bra.

Her nipples show through, and it’s a tease my cock immediately responds to. Wanna bite ‘em. Chase her a little before she lets me play with them.

“Sit,” she says softly. “Let me take care of you.”

“I like the way those words fall from your lips, Blue.”

She looks at me like she doesn’t quite believe me. And she has good reason. I was a dick the day I kicked her out of the clubhouse. But now isn’t the time to talk about it as Fen walks out of the bedroom to grab some paper and crayons.

“Can I draw a picture?” he asks, utterly unaffected by the fact I’m sitting in the chair in only a towel.

Raven smiles at him. “Of course. That’s all the paper we have left. I’ll have to get you some more when I get paid.”

He carefully separates out the three or four pages to take just one, then sits on the floor.

We should have gone to my home, where I’ve got plenty of paper and enough towels that I don’t give a shit if I get blood on them. But it feels like the last bastion I need to get through. Being here with another woman is fine.

Being there with another woman would be harder.

“Want me to rinse your clothes in the sink before we get started? I don’t have a washing machine here, but I do a decent sink scrub.”

I take her hand. “Smoke has gone to my place to get me some clothes. He’ll be back in fifteen minutes.”

“That’s a relief. I don’t think even my biggest hoodie would fit you.” She tips some antiseptic onto a cotton wool pad. “I’m sorry. This might sting.”

With the most tender strokes, she begins the process of cleaning my wounds further. Her fingers are gentle on my skin, in contrast to the raw fire I feel when the antiseptic seeps into my wounds.

Occasionally, as I tense or tighten, I feel her cool breath on my skin, and it brings me back from the pain. I realize when she does the one on my chest, she’s blowing on them to soothe the sting.

I reach up and stroke her wet hair behind her ear as she does, and a soft smile appears.

“The one on your shoulder is deep. Are you sure you don’t want to go to a hospital and get it properly stitched?”

I shake my head and pick up the package of Steri-Strips. “Just patch me up with these. I’ll be fine.”

The ones on my side, where I lay in the blown-out glass of the diner window, bleed most, but Raven just keeps patching me up.

“I’m going to wrap a bandage around your torso,” she says. “I don’t think regular dressings will stand you moving around or sleeping.”

“Whatever you think.” I’ve been known to tape ‘em on. Never have I wrapped a bandage around my body. But this isn’t about me.

It’s about the kind woman in front of me, grounding herself again. Doing what she obviously does best…caring for someone.

It’s natural to her. Bet she’s a fucking incredible mom because of it.

Bet it made her a pretty impressive wife.

Wife.

Shit.

There isn’t a ring on her finger, but I’m assuming she’s married to Fen’s dad.

And wife?

What the fuck am I thinking about?

Raven pulls a chair over to sit in front of me. “Hold this,” she says, placing the edge of the bandage on my chest.

I put my fingers over hers, and do as she says.

She leans forward, passing the bandage behind my back. The action brings her closer to me, and her warmth seeps into my bloodstream.

There’s no music, no television. Just the sound of her breathing and the gentle scratch as Fen drags his crayons over the paper.

The bandage tightens around me, holding everything secure.

This time, when she moves to reach behind me and pass the bandage between her hands, I kiss the side of her forehead.

It catches Raven off guard, and she pauses to look at me.

Sometimes, a look means nothing. A passing glance at something that catches the eye. But sometimes, a look means everything. When there’s honesty in it. And vulnerability. And a spark that could ignite any second.

I cup her cheek, running my thumb over it.

She sighs sweetly, and just when I’m about to kiss her, she glances towards Fen.

In understanding, I release her and smile.

“Thank you,” she says quietly.

It takes another minute before she’s happy with my dressing, and she’s just admiring her handiwork when there’s a knock at the door.

Raven jumps, and Fen looks straight towards the staircase.

“It’ll be Smoke, Blue. Let me go get it.”

Making sure Fen isn’t watching, I grab my gun that I put on top of the fridge, away from Fen’s reach and eyes. I’m confident it’s Smoke, but I’d be foolish to risk it after today.

Raven watches me, and I half expect that fear to return to her eyes. Instead, I see something that feels a lot like respect for who I am and what I do.

Holding on to the towel around my waist, I tread down the stairs.

She needs a peephole, or a camera on the outside so she can see who she’s answering the door to.

“Who is it?” I ask.

“It’s me.” Smoke’s distinctive voice carries through the wood.

I open the door wide. “Thanks, brother.”

“That’s quite the medical cleanup.” He hands me a bag.

I grin. “Raven wanted to make sure the dressings don’t move around.”

“She kiss everything better too?” he asks.

“Fuck you. Her kid’s home.”

“Expert cockblocking from Fen then.”

“You need anything else, or you just gonna make wisecracks?” But I’m smiling, because for once, I actually feel happy.

“Don’t need anything else?” He glances in the general direction of Main Street. “Some of the prospects have grabbed the supplies to board up Margie’s place, but it’s still a crime scene for now.”

“Thanks for taking care of that so I could…” I glance up the stairs, unable to quite put together the sentence that describes taking care of Raven and Fen.

“I got it. Go put some clothes on that puny fucking chest of yours.”

I huff a laugh. “Fuck off. Will always be wider than yours.”

I don’t wait for him to get back on his bike before I close the door.

The rest of the evening goes relatively smoothly.

I dress.

Raven makes a dinner out of the takeout Smoke brought.

The three of us sit at the table and eat it, Raven and I occasionally staring at each other with a desire that threatens to combust.

And when bedtime rolls around, I read to Fen because the kid looks at me so earnestly when he asks me to that I can’t say no. And I remember the feeling of wholeness that comes with a kid’s heat on you or next to you while you both look at a book.

Lottie never interrupted with little babbles as many times as Fen asks questions, but I don’t mind.

I lead Raven to the recliner, and I sit first before pulling Raven onto my lap.

“What a day,” I say, wrapping my arms around her. Some of my wounds burn as I hold her, but I don’t tell Raven that. “You doing okay, Blue?”

She settles against me, snuggling in until we’re as close as two people can get without fucking. “I’m tired, but we need to talk.”

When she tries to shift position so she can see me better, I place my palm on the side of her head and encourage her to stay where she is.

“We do. But not now. Not tonight.”

She sighs, and we sit in silence. I close my eyes and listen to her breathing as it slows. The house creaks around us. Old pipes, loose siding, and who knows what else. I think about my own home, and how truly silent it is at night.

And how I hate being there, yet I’ve been unable to move. Every time I step into the hallway, I’m reminded of what happened.

Here, there are no ghosts creeping in.

When Fen wakes up with a nightmare an hour later, Raven jolts awake.

“Oh my gosh. I’m sorry. I fell asleep on you,” she says. One side of her hair is adorably mushed against the side of her face. She glances in the direction of Fen’s cries, and I help her to her feet.

She hurries to him, and I watch as she pulls him to her, offering comfort and sweet words. His little brow is all sweaty, and I feel for the kid. Watching the two of them together brings me a peace I can’t describe.

Once he’s settled, she comes out to see me and reaches for my hand. Her eyes are red and filled with unspilled tears. “I’m gonna join him in bed to make sure he’s okay as he falls back to sleep.”

But there’s a waver in her voice. She’s being brave for her son.

“Who’s gonna make sure you’re okay, Blue?”

She swallows deeply. “You?”

I’m gonna work to take away the uncertainty she has that turns the one word into a complete question. But for now, I stand and lead her into the bedroom.

She climbs into bed, while I shuck my jeans and hoodie but leave my T-shirt and boxer briefs on.

And then I climb in behind her, holding the two of them safe in my arms, my mind rolling around the thought I couldn’t quite finish when talking to Smoke.

That I’m here to take care of my family.