Page 29 of The Grief We Hold (Iron Outlaws MC Colorado #1)

28

WRAITH

“ I appreciate you telling me,” Raven begins. I don’t know if she’s realized, but her eyes are rimmed with tears.

“You deserve the truth. In time, I can try to share more.”

She takes my hand and plays with my fingers, threading her own through them. “I thought my husband was a good man when we met. He was so smart. Dressed well in a suit. Over time, he became someone I didn’t recognize. Like you, the full details aren’t for now, but I’m wary of being with anyone else, let alone someone who isn’t in the right place to commit to being with me.”

I reach for her and tug her so she’s sitting on my lap. I can tell she’s unused to being handled that way, but I hold her tight. “That’s why I’ve brought you here. That’s why I’m telling you all this. I am ready. I had these big plans to ask you out to dinner with me yesterday. I thought we could go to Whiskey Fever to watch some live music after. But you were pissed at me still, rightfully so. I stroked your thigh, and you stepped out of reach. I was just waiting for the right time to follow you into the kitchen to convince you. Then those fucking bullets flew.”

Raven finally nestles her head on my shoulder. Her hair tickles the side of my face. It feels good. The weight of her against me. The scent of oranges.

“You confused me, Wraith. You told me to leave the clubhouse. Then you saved me and took me and Fen home. You dismissed me. But last night and this morning you eased me. I guess I just need the reassurance you aren’t going to suddenly change your mind again. And I don’t want to live in a small town where I already have an enemy. I need to be somewhere my nervous system can just relax for a hot minute.”

“Do that here, with me.” I tip her chin so I can see those pretty eyes of hers. “Life is messy whether we want it to be or not, Blue. Sometimes, you’ve just got to choose your struggle, so life doesn’t choose it for you. But in case any part of this conversation has been unclear…I want you and Fen to stay while we see if we can become something…more.”

“Really?” Her eyes are filled with hope.

I kiss her softly. No point revving our engines when Fen is just down the hallway, and we aren’t in a locked bathroom.

“Really. Now tell me about your fuck of a husband.”

Raven sighs. “He’s a financial advisor turned con artist. He screwed the wrong people over and left me alone to face them when they came for their money.”

“Jesus, Blue. You must have been terrified.”

“He used to help average people get a retirement plan or figure out how to save for a mortgage down payment. We lived in a nice Seattle suburb. When I was pregnant, he started listening to those toxic masculinity and finance bros podcasts. He started going to the gym, using steroids. What I didn’t know was he’d started coming up with all these get-rich-quick, Ponzi or pyramid-type schemes. I don’t even understand the half of it.”

I don’t like where this is going. But I want Raven to tell me all of it. If I know what she’s running from, I can better keep her safe. “How do you get from there to here?”

Raven nibbles the skin by the side of her thumbnail, and gently I hold her wrist to pull her hand away to stop her.

“He’d been really stressed and angrier than I’d ever seen him. Piecing it together, I think he knew he was about to be found out. I woke one morning, and he was gone. It wasn’t all that unusual because he worked long hours. But then he never came home and didn’t answer his phone. I made a missing person’s report. After two days, I checked the safe. I can’t even remember what made me think to do it. His passport was missing, and he’d taken all the cash. That was when I realized that he wasn’t coming home.”

I tuck a lock of hair behind Raven’s ear. Never ceases to amaze me how heavy and soft her hair is. “What kind of man just runs off and leaves his wife and kid behind?”

“One in a lot of trouble. I texted friends to see if anyone knew where he might have gone. On the third day, two of our friends came to the house demanding to know where he was. He’d taken their money and wasn’t returning their calls either. I told them what I knew, that I hadn’t seen him for a few days and that I had no idea what was going on. They alerted the police too.”

“Shit, Raven. I’m so sorry you had to face all this.”

Raven huffs. “The irony is, I was never planning to run. I figured that would make me look guilty or complicit if I didn’t stay in our home. I tried to help the police the best I could. They raided our home office and took away a lot of things.”

I stroke her hair and kiss her forehead gently. “What made you change your mind?”

Raven sighs heavily. “Fen was staying at my dad’s place one night. It was late, and I was in bed when the alert went off that there was an intruder in the house. I called the police, even though I knew the security company would call them too, and then I hid. We’d had a small cupboard with a washing machine and dryer in it. There was a small gap down the side of the stacked machines, so I crawled in there and pulled some clean bedding I’d washed over me.”

My heart races at the thought of her. “Did they find you?”

Raven looks up at me. “No. They didn’t. But I heard them. I couldn’t see them. They had an Eastern European accent. Russian, maybe. Polish or Ukrainian or something. They were angry. Shouting. I heard them yell my husband’s name. The police sirens disturbed them, but by the time they left, they’d tossed the house. And they’d taken a photograph off the table in the entrance. One of me and Fen.”

I hug her tightly, struggling to quell the wave of panic that something could have happened to her and Fen. It grotesquely dances with memories of the past.

“Fuck, Blue. That’s why you ran? Because you feared for reprisals?”

Raven nods. “They would know us on sight. Maybe they thought they could use us as hostages.” She pauses at a squeal of laughter from Fen in the other room, waiting for him to settle before she continues. “I packed quickly but thoughtfully. Vacuum packed everything to fit more in each case. Then Dad dropped me and Fen at the bus station. I sold some jewelry to get some cash, then used the cash to travel here without leaving a footprint behind.”

“Smart fucking girl.” I move her so she’s sitting astraddle my thighs.

She glances back towards the hallway. “We shouldn’t sit like this. It could be confusing to Fen if he?—”

I grab the back of her neck and tug her to me. All this honesty, all her softness and bravery make me feel a certain kind of way. When her lips hit mine, I have a thought about fucking her like this.

But I understand her worries. “When I want to kiss you, I’m gonna kiss you. I’m not gonna hide my feelings for you from Fen. Not when you’re trusting me like this and telling me your story. I’m fucking proud of you for making it here. You’ve been such a brave girl doing all that on your own.”

Raven smiles at my words, then runs her fingers along my jaw. “You get bonus points for saying sweet things like that to me, Wraith.”

I take her hand in mine. “Call me ‘Axel.’ When we’re home and it’s just the two of us.” Fen laughs loudly at something. “Or three of us.”

“Okay. I’d like that. You really want to try this with me?”

I position her so her pussy is over my cock. “Yes, Blue. You need a formal invite or something?”

She bursts into laughter at that. “I’d pay good money to see you try.”

“How about I just fuck you senseless until you realize I’m serious?”

She leans forwards and kisses me. “Both sound good.”

“Anything else worrying you? Or can I go take Fen to look for frogs in the pond while you make us some dinner?”

“He’d love to go looking for frogs with you. What food do you have in the house that I can use?”

He shrugs. “Just shopped yesterday, so make whatever you can find.”

She goes to move off me, then pauses when she sees the photograph of Hallie and Lottie. Her mouth opens as if to say something, then closes it again.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing.” When she shakes her head, all that thick black hair moves with her. I grab the chunk that frames her face and falls over her shoulders, gently wrapping it around my fist.

“Blue. Remember that honest conversation thing?”

“What I was about to say was…”

“Just say it.”

“If we’re to make a go of this, would it be okay to…? I don’t know…maybe…I feel a bit intimidated by all of Hallie and Lottie’s things. I’m not saying you shouldn’t keep them or have some of them out where you can see them. But it’s hard to not compare myself to her. Maybe I shouldn’t feel so insecure, but it’s hard to live up to someone who was so meaningful to you that you mourned her for so long.”

Using her hair to pull her to me, I kiss her gently. “I think it’s probably time I made some adjustments. Not just for you, but for me. I’ve been clinging to a lot of stuff, this house included. Think it might be time to let it go.”

She cups my cheeks. “In your own time, Axel. Don’t feel like you need to do it right away. You had a beautiful family.”

I like the way my name rolls off her lips.

I stand with her in my arms, then lower her feet to the floor. “I’ll do it this week. I’m ready to face the future if it includes you.”

This time when we kiss, I can feel our conversation is done. The energy around the two of us is clearer. More vibrant.

Optimistic.

Haven’t felt that way for a really long time.

“Let me go get started,” she says finally.

When I reach the den with the large TV, I see Fen sitting on the edge of the seat, his eyes glued to the screen.

“You doing okay, Fen?”

He grins as he turns to face me. “I love cartoons.”

“Wanna switch it off and come down to the pond with me, see if we can’t find some frogs?”

The speed at which the kid is out of his seat shocks me. “Yes!”

I reach for the remote and turn off the television. It’s weird to think that for the last two years, I assumed I’d never be anyone else’s father other than Lottie’s. But doing this with Fen feels right.

When we get outside, he takes my hand. His is small in mine, and a fierce protectiveness washes over me.

“You doing okay, kid?” I ask.

He skips as we walk toward the pond. If I stay in this house, I’ll need to fence it off to make sure Fen doesn’t fall in when we’re not around. The thought is accompanied by the realization that for the first time ever, I feel okay about letting the house go.

“I’m fine,” Fen replies. “But I think some ice cream might make me finer.”

I chuckle at that. “Not sure I have any ice cream, but I promise I’ll fix that for the next time you stay. I do have cake though.”

“Yes!” Fen exclaims. “Your house is the best place for a sleepover. Do you like sleepovers?”

I think about the night I stayed in their tiny apartment above the hardware store. “Yeah, Fen. I like them.”

He tugs on my hand, and I stop to look at him. “Do you think I’m weird?”

“No more weird than I am. Why?”

Fen shrugs. “Dad used to say I was a weird kid.”

I crouch down so I’m eye level with him. “You know what, Fen. I don’t know your dad, but I don’t think he was a nice person. I think you’re clever and ask really imaginative questions. I think it’s great you love nature, and I can’t wait to teach you how to fish and ride horses. Do you think I’d do any of that if I thought you were weird?”

He shakes his head. “Can you teach me how to fight?”

The question catches me off guard. “Why do you want to learn how to fight, kid?”

He looks towards the house. “So, I can protect Momma like you can.”

The words devastate me. I hate that this kid’s life experiences have led him here, feeling weird and wanting to learn how to fight. “Then I’ll show you how to protect yourself and your mom. It’s not all about fighting. It’s about knowing how to make an emergency phone call and how to hide if you have to. I can teach you things like that for now. And when you’re a little older, we can see if you still want to learn how to fight.”

He throws his arms around my neck. “You’re the best, Wraith.”

I hug him, feeling a tightening in my throat at the gesture. “You wanna call me Wraith or do you want to call me by my real name?”

Fen steps back. “Real name?”

I nod. “Yeah. My real name is Axel. Wraith is the name I use in the motorcycle club I’m part of.”

“Axel. Ax -el. Ax- el. ” He says the word a few more times, putting emphasis on different letters. “Can I call you Axel for real?”

“Absolutely, you can.”

“Okay.” And then he sprints off toward the pond.

I thought I was fixing my heart up to give it to Raven, but I guess I’m giving a piece of it to the little boy laughing as he runs too.

And I wonder about his fuck-up of a dad. How could a man call his kid names? Worse, how could a man leave his own flesh and blood to fend for themselves? What would have happened if Raven hadn’t had an alarm? If both of them had been home?

And it worries me that the men who came to her home took her photograph. You only do that for one reason.

When you need to know someone on sight so you can harm them.