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31

WRAITH

I wind my truck past the hardware store and Raven’s apartment the following day. It grates on my nerves that she and Fen are tucked up in there after I dropped them at home this morning so Fen could go to kindergarten.

But I had a thought this afternoon while showering after getting the blood test I owed Raven, that she was probably right to make me bring them back. Because, while my home felt complete with the two of them in it, this feels too precious to rush it.

I park the truck near the curb and reluctantly climb out of it.

This isn’t going to go well, however I preface it. I take the steps up the back of the building to the apartment Ma lives in and knock on the door.

When she opens it, I don’t get my usual greeting.

“Axel.”

“Ma. You wanna do this on the stoop where everyone can hear our business, or are you going to let me step inside?”

Ma moves to one side to let me pass. Her place is small but spotlessly clean. She moved in after Two Bit died; Smoke bought their old place for the land.

There’s a gun on the counter next to the door. The safety’s off. Best remember that. There’s a sliver of me that feels bad that she’s scared to live here after what happened at the diner.

“Should I pretend I’m here for small talk or get straight to it?” I ask.

There is none of Ma’s usual hospitality. Coffee. Food. Instead, she stands by the door to the apartment with her arms folded. “How could you?”

“How could I what, Ma? You’re the one going around threatening women to make them stay away from me.”

Her eyes narrow. “You’re Hallie’s husband.”

Usually, I’d flinch at that, but something about baring my soul to Raven over the last twelve hours has produced some much-needed perspective. It feels easier to admit what I need to say next.

“I was, Ma. And I was a fucking good one. Loyal. Protective. A provider. We had a good life, a happy one, and now she’s gone.”

Ma shakes her head. “She’d be so hurt seeing you move on so quickly.”

In the past, barbs like that would have sliced me in two. “Low blows aren’t gonna work. She’d hate that we were both miserable without her. And it’s not quick. I’ve mourned her for two full years. It’s time I moved on with the rest of my life.”

Ma steps towards me and almost snarls. “And what? We all pretend like Hallie didn’t exist? You and Raven come eat at my diner and I have to serve the two of you like there’s nothing wrong with my son-in-law sitting there with another girl?”

“I’m not erasing Hallie or Lottie. They existed and were my world. I’ll always remember them. I’ve talked with Raven at length about them.” Raven asked about Lottie while we drank our coffee this morning. It felt good to show Raven her nursery and the little baptism gown that hung in the closet. Overwhelmed as I stroked the soft fabric, Raven hugged me tightly.

“It’s not the same though,” Ma says.

“I know, Ma. But I’ve been beyond supportive and reasonable with you. I bailed you out when you needed it. I bring my club, my custom here every day and pay, even though I own the majority stake in the place. So yeah. If Raven and I come in to eat, you’ll fucking serve us.”

Tears sting Ma’s eyes.

And that’s another thing.

Maybe I should just call her Margie from now on.

“You’re being disrespectful,” she says.

“And you’re expecting me to give up on my life to keep the memory of Hallie’s alive for you. I want more kids. Am I not supposed to have any now because they’re not Hallie’s? Am I supposed to live the rest of my life on my own because I had one shot at happiness and that’s all I’m entitled to? I’m not wrong for wanting to try and find it again with someone else. Because Hallie sure as fuck isn’t coming back.”

By the last line, I’m shouting, my voice echoing off the tiled kitchen walls.

“Well, I don’t approve. I expected better of you.”

The line hurts, because I’ve been a good son-in-law to her. “I don’t need your approval. Would it be nice? Yeah. Because our lives have been entwined and Raven is a good fucking woman. But I don’t need it.”

“I told you she was trouble. Told you there was blood around the moon the night she arrived. She came running to you, just because I spoke with her.”

“For the record, it wasn’t Raven. You were overheard by a prospect on cleanup.” But a wave of sympathy hits me for a second. “I know it feels like your life is so out of control that you need to rely on all the moon shit. But you’re entitled to a future too. You don’t have to stay here in grief, no family around you.”

She raises an eyebrow, the sneer unmissable. “I thought the Iron Outlaws would always be my family.”

And with that, my sympathy is gone. “It fucking is, until you disrespect us. You aren’t a member of the club. I am. You see the fucking patch, Ma. It says I’m sergeant at arms, not you. Came here to set some new boundaries with you, and you need to listen. First, Raven works at the diner for as long as she wants to because I say so. If it’s a toss-up between you and her, you go. You cause trouble, fire her or some shit, I’ll fire you. You do worse, and I’ll run you out of town.”

The words have the desired effect. Color drains from her face.

“You wouldn’t,” she whispers.

“Try me, Margie.”

At that, her eyes rim with tears. “Not ‘Ma?’”

I shake my head. “I think it’s probably best for both of us that we try a different dynamic. Look, you’ll always be Hallie’s mom. That’s the reason you’re getting a chance after trying to intimidate Raven.”

She looks down at her hands and spins her wedding ring on her finger. “I feel like you’re my last connection to her.”

The words are drenched in sadness. I lean back on the kitchen counter. “I understand that. But I can’t live the rest of my life alone to be the conduit to that. You need to make your own peace with her that isn’t through me. I’ll always be blessed I got to love her and have Lottie with her. I’ll never forget the two of them. But it’s time for me to make room for Raven and Fen.”

She finally meets my eyes. “I’ll apologize.”

I nod. “I meant what I said though. You’re entitled to a life. It’s up to you if you want to oversee the fixing up of this place or you want to take the money and sell up. I’ll take back my investment, but any profit is yours.”

Margie glances out the window. “Wouldn’t even know where to go. And what am I supposed to do? Get a job at a diner somewhere? I’ll make it up to Raven.”

“See that you do.”

I leave it there. I’ve said a lot. And when I step outside into the spring sunshine, I feel like I took the first step in cleaning house. A weight has been lifted off my chest as I give myself permission to move on.

Before I loaded up the truck to make this ride into town, I took down some of the photographs of Hallie and Lottie. I tried to look at my house through the lens of a woman I’m falling for. Taking down the first photograph was hard. But I flipped the narrative and considered how I’d feel in a house filled with pictures of Raven’s ex.

And I took Raven at her word. That I didn’t need to remove them all. I kept a couple of the most sentimental ones. Our wedding, Hallie in that beautiful dress. Lottie’s baptism. The Christmas before they were…

I sigh.

To fully move on, I’m going to need to sell this house. Raven and Fen and I deserve a new place that belongs to the three of us, one without complex memories attached to it, and I make a mental note to speak with a realtor about getting my property valued.

As I reach my truck, I see two bikes headed down Main Street. Grudge salutes as he and Catfish turn down by the hardware store. Quickly, I start up the truck and follow them over.

“Thanks for giving me a hand,” I say when I get there.

Grudge shrugs. “Nothing else to do. Plus, it’s fucking cute watching you bring your girl little treasures and shit.”

I flip him the bird and hammer on the door. “It’s me, Blue.”

“Blue?” Catfish mutters.

“The color of the highlights in her hair,” I say. And her eyes, but I don’t mention that part.

Grudge almost chokes on his cigarette. “We’re at the ‘noticing highlights’ stage of the relationship. You really are fucked.”

Fen opens the door. “Mom said I could come and let you in.”

“Thanks, kid. I got some stuff I need to bring up, but it’s going to take us a minute.”

Fen bounces on his toes. “Okay, I’ll go tell Momma.”

“What have you loaded into here?” Catfish asks.

“Just some of the furniture out of the garage, that Hallie was gonna flip. No point in it sitting there when the apartment is as bare bones as you can get. Smoke helped me load it up before Butcher needed him.”

“Hey,” Raven says, stepping out of the entrance hall. “Fen said you brought something.” Her eyes go to the truck that’s loaded up, and the items held in place with cords crisscrossed over to keep everything still while I was driving.

Meanwhile, I check out the way those jeans hug her hips and that T-shirt fits her tits to perfection.

I pull her to me, tip her chin, and kiss her.

Catfish and Grudge both look on, shocked.

“Well, that’s something I haven’t seen in a while,” Grudge says.

“Better get used to it,” I say. I look at Raven. “Old furniture. Hallie used to flip shit. This was stuff sitting in the garage. It’s a mishmash. Nothing matches, but?—”

“It’s perfect,” Raven says, clapping her hands. “Thank you.”

It’s such a small thing that has brought out her brilliant smile. I should have to work harder to impress her, but she just makes it easy. Hopefully, she likes some of the other shit I picked up this morning.

Catfish and Grudge begin unloading the wardrobe, and I carry three big bags upstairs. Fen is bouncing around, trying to guess what’s in the bags.

“Is it pasta?” he asks.

I lift one of the large bags. “Must be the world’s biggest bag of pasta if it is,” I reply.

His laughter makes me grin. “Not one big bag, Wraith. Lots of little bags.”

“It’s not pasta. I had an idea,” I say to the two of them.

“What? What?” Fen asks.

I look at Raven. “This is a pretty big space. Thought we could cut off the end of this room using furniture to give you and your mom your own rooms.”

Raven’s eyes go wide. “You brought that much stuff?”

I start to empty the bags. “I got a large blow-up mattress for Fen. Figured we could drag the one out of your room and put it on the floor over there using the bedroom wall as your headboard. Set Fen up with the inflatable. Then there’s one of those open cubby shelf units. Thought we could put it at the bottom of the bed to kind of cut off the space. And then?—”

“Thank you.” Raven throws her arms around me.

Then Fen hurries over and copies his mom.

And I wrap my arm around Raven and pet Fen on the head.

“Pretty family,” Catfish says as he appears at the top of the stairs.

“Yeah,” I say. “It really fucking is.”

It takes ten hours to fix up the room, take Fen to the park, eat dinner, and wait for Fen to fall into a deep sleep. But as soon as Raven is happy he’s down for the night, I drag her to the bedroom area we set up for her.

She yawns as we move. “Sorry.”

I keep my voice low. “For being tired? You don’t need to be. You need a good night’s sleep. And I know just how to make that happen.”

“You do?” Her cheeks go pink as we step behind the curtain we hung.

“I think it’s time I gave you a goodnight special for being such a productive girl today.”

“What does that entail?”

“Wait and see.” She doesn’t argue when I strip her and lead her so she’s lying on the mattress. Raven yawns again, and her body tenses then relaxes.

I strip my clothes, then kneel on the foot of the bed and reach for her feet. They’re tiny in comparison to my own, the skin on them so soft. Firmly, I massage one, then the other, digging my thumbs into her soles, before gently biting down on her big toe.

She giggles quietly, putting her hand over her mouth to stifle the sound.

“You’re so cute when you laugh, Blue.” I place her feet down on the bed. “Now, open your legs for me.”

Lazily, she does as I ask, and I see her pretty pussy. My cock stiffens, but this isn’t about me tonight, and to be honest, a bit of deprivation might do him good.

“Touch yourself for me,” I instruct. “I want you to show me what feels good.”

“What?” she asks, her eyes wide.

“You heard me, sweetheart.”

Tentatively, she slides one hand across her ribs, down the plane of her stomach, until her finger hovers over her clit. “Like this?”

“Gorgeous body and pussy like yours, you can’t do it wrong.”

Her cheeks are a cute pink, her mouth is open a little. This is a woman who’s been touch starved. I’m happy to touch her whenever she wants, but she needs to see it’s okay to touch herself in front of me too.

She slides her middle finger over her clit and dips it just inside her cunt, scooping up some of the natural lubrication that glistens in the lamplight. I’m transfixed by the small circles she makes over her clit.

“Don’t be nervous, sweetheart. Just show me what feels good. It’s a fucking treat to watch you pleasure yourself.” She has no idea just how much.

“You’re sure?”

“Most definitely.” Desire chomps at restraint. Like a horse being held back when it wants to gallop.

Her movements become bigger. Her finger slides inside to the second knuckle then back out again over her clit. She speeds up and slows down. Her back arches. But it’s when she moves her finger toward her lips my restraint fails me. When she places it in her mouth, I dive forward and put my lips on her.

It’s messy, untamed, and wild. I lick her, suck her, and place kisses along the seam of her groin. I use fingers. First one, then a second.

She bucks beneath me, and I place my hand to her neck, holding her gently but firmly in place. When she comes, it’s explosive. A hard bark she can’t keep in, a series of shudders that rattle through her body. And a taste on my tongue I can’t get enough of.

I ease her down gently, small kisses, soft licks, one last deep inhale of the scent of her. When I crawl up the bed to kiss her, her eyes are droopy with sleep.

“That was amazing,” she says. Her words are a little slurry.

“Yeah.” And now I know she will touch herself for me, I want to see how much farther she’ll go. Maybe pick up a vibrator, if she’s game.

I drag the covers over us both and settle in next to her.

“Are we not going to…?” she asks.

“Fuck?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

I press a kiss to the top of her head. “No. You need sleep, precious girl. You’ve been everything I needed today.”

She places a warm kiss to my pec. “It’s because you’re easy to give everything to.”

And I replay those words over and over until I fall asleep.