Page 62
Story: The Governess of My Heart
“ L et me go! I need to end my life; let me end this misery,” Lady Isabella cried.
Elizabeth still held her firmly, not understanding why she made this horrific decision in life.
“I cannot; I cannot let you do this. What has happened? Please get up and come with me. Lord Ashton will be able to help with whatever is distressing you.”
“No, he cannot; no one can help me. My life is doomed; I cannot face him. Let me die, Elizabeth; that is the only solution for my problems.”
Elizabeth stood Lady Isabella and guided her indoors while she cried uncontrollably in distress.
Should I take her downstairs to her husband or Lady Martha? What am I to do?
She led her to one of the rooms on the upper floor and shut the door. Lady Isabella collapsed into a chair and sobbed with distress. Elizabeth did not want to leave her alone and head downstairs for help.
“I may not be someone you want to talk to, but I knew something was bothering you for a long time. Why did you decide to end your life? Is someone threatening you?”
There was no reply from her.
“I am so sorry you feel this way; I must take you to Lord Ashton now.”
“No, please do not say anything to him.”
“Certainly, something serious must have happened for you to want to end your life, but whatever it is, this is not the solution.”
“I cannot face anyone after what I have done. For months, I have faced this torment, struggling to pass every second in this house with guilt and fear, but it will not do. No one will understand me, my plight, and my struggle, not even my husband, because I should have confided in him long ago. Now, it is too late.”
“I cannot understand what is troubling you to this extent, but committing suicide is not a solution. Did you even imagine the plight of this family? They already lost Lady Sophia; no one can bear another death in this household.”
“But I may be the reason she died, and the only way I could compensate for that is to end my life.”
Elizabeth stared at her in shock.
“Were you responsible for her death? But was that not an accident?”
“I thought so, too, until a few months ago.”
“What are you saying?”
“I thought she fell down the stairs and died, but someone has been blackmailing me, stating that she committed suicide because of me, and they have proof,” Lady Isabella cried in agony.
“What?”
“I cannot explain this to you. I cannot explain this to anyone as I have no facts to support my innocence.”
“How did she die?”
“We argued that night; she came to my room and ran out in anger. I should have followed her, but I didn’t, and I am still guilty of it. The next morning, we found her dead near the stairs, and it was apparent that she fell and died.”
“Who is blackmailing you stating it was a suicide?”
“I do not know. I started receiving letters after we came back from our honeymoon and they claim they have a letter written by Sophia stating that she committed suicide because of me.”
“Good heavens! Why did you not inform anyone about this?”
Lady Isabella was silent.
“Lady Isabella, please be honest with me. Did you have anything to do with her death?”
“No, I did not. But if she committed suicide, I may be the reason for it. I hurt her so very much.”
Elizabeth looked at her, puzzled.
“We had an argument, more than an argument that night, but I never thought she could do something like that.”
“You do not make any sense. You say she was not capable of such an act, but if she did it, you were the reason.”
“Yes!”
“How?”
“Because I betrayed her trust.”
“Did you have an affair with Lord Ashton?” Elizabeth asked without thought.
“Good Heavens, No!”
“Then?” Elizabeth asked while Lady Isabella remained silent.
“I know you do not want to share anything with me, but please trust me. I do not want to force these details out of you, but I have no choice except to reveal this to your husband and Lady Martha now. Please allow me to take you to them.”
“I cannot.”
“I know you have no regard for me, but if you share it with me, I can at least try to help. You are mistaken if you assume that I would keep this between ourselves. I have kept so many things to myself since I came here, and I am not willing to make the same mistake again.”
“Do you really believe I have no regard for you?” Lady Isabella asked Elizabeth.
“Is that not quite clear? You have hated me since the moment we were introduced.”
“I did, at first, because I saw in you everything I saw in Sophia. Your confidence, intelligence, and affection for the children reminded me of the friend I had lost and, according to the blackmailer, the one I killed. I never hated you; I was envious that you gained everyone’s affection and respect here, which I never could. ”
Elizabeth looked at her in shock.
“Elizabeth, I am so tired. I have tried in vain to be brave, to not succumb to my failings, but all my resolve evaporated today. I have tangled myself in a web I can never escape.”
“You act as though there is no way out of your problem. But there is, we can help you. This family cannot stand another loss, another secret. Now tell me, what happened that night? Why was Lady Sophia angry with you?”
Lady Isabella looked at Elizabeth with a blank expression.
“The truth came to light.”
“What would that be?”
“That I was in love with Philip, even before he married Sophia. Sophia and I grew up together as the best of friends. We have been friends with the Ashton family since childhood, and our families were very close. I have loved Philip since I knew what the word love meant. But as years passed, I realized he never looked at me that way. The only woman in his heart was Sophia, and they got married. As much as I tried to forget him, I could not. I was guilty of being in his company, having to look at him as my friend’s husband, though in my heart, he was the only man I could ever love.
They were so happy together and had two beautiful children.
No matter how hard I tried, I could not keep myself away from them.
My parents pressured me to get married, but I could not.
Sophia often questioned why, and I had to lie to her.
You must understand that I never meant to steal Philip from her; as much as I loved him, I valued my friendship with her more than anything in the world and could never do such a thing.
But she was not na?ve; I had no idea how she discovered my secret.
She knew me well, and I think she soon realized the secret in my heart; she saw through my lies and found the truth.
That fateful night, she came to my room with my diary in her hand. ”
Lady Isabella closed her eyes in pain as she relived the last time, she had seen her friend alive and her thoughts reverted to that fateful night.
…“Tell me, Isabella, what is this? Are you going to state that every word here was written by someone else?” Lady Sophia cried with rage.
“Why did you read this? How could you? This is something private.”
“What is my husband’s name doing in your diary then? Good heavens, how long have you loved him?”
“Please, Sophia, you must listen to me.”
“Listen to what? How long have you loved him?” she asked as she shook her friend.
“Answer me. I knew there was a reason why you rejected every proposal that came your way, even before I married Philip, and that means you loved him even before we fell in love. You were my friend; how could you do this to me? All these years, you have loved a man who is my everything and still stayed as my friend. Are you not ashamed of yourself? You have betrayed me in the worst possible way.”
“Yes, I have loved him for a long time, long before you both fell in love,” she replied with tears.
“And you chose to hide this from me? How could you?”
“What good would I have done to tell you about my feelings? He does not love me, you know that.”
“You disgust me; you could have married and left us alone. But all these years, you have been a part of our lives with such a thought in your heart. What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for me to die so that you could marry him?”
Lady Isabella looked at her friend in shock.
“How could you accuse me of such a thing? We have known each other since we were children. Do you think I am capable of hurting you?”
“But you have done it so artfully; every time I sat in the same room with you and Philip, I could sense the longing in your eyes, the sadness. All these years, I assumed you felt sad that you could not find the same love as ours. But now I know you wanted to steal my love from me.”
“Stop it! You have no right to say such a thing. I have never spent one moment alone with him, and, yes, I did not distance myself from you, but if you think the reason was that I wanted to see your husband, you are belittling the friendship we have shared for more than twenty years. I could not distance myself from you because of my feelings for him; I value your friendship more than anything in my life. Why don’t you understand? ”
“I don’t understand because I felt the same way till now.
But you chose to hide this from me. Every word I read in this diary shows how much you love him, and I am ashamed to say, maybe more than I do.
You could have told me, Isabella, all these years you have suffered, and now the burden is on me.
Do you think I can be peaceful after knowing this if I could ever look into my husband’s eyes without guilt? You ruined my life.”
“I have not done anything wrong. This secret was supposed to be buried in my heart till my death. You have to trust me; I have never dreamt of taking him away from you. Even if you accuse me of that, in your heart, you must know that I could never hurt you that way. Sophia, I may love him, but my friendship with you is beyond that.”
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