Page 19
Story: The Governess of My Heart
E lizabeth felt Darcy's piercing gaze upon her as she left him, and she swiftly descended the hill, fearing that he would follow her .
What have I done? I tried to end my life; how could I make such a decision after everything I have been through?
She cursed herself and tried not to look back at the man who had saved her life.
Elizabeth knew her anger toward him was just a reflection of her anger toward herself. She was certain that she would have jumped if not for him.
As she ran down the hill, a thousand thoughts raced through her mind. The day before, she had received a letter from Mary, and Elizabeth was surprised to find two letters in the envelope.
Lizzy,
I hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits.
I do not want to waste time by mentioning the usual affairs of Longbourn.
I have been searching for answers about your birth ever since you left.
Last night I found a letter in Papa's safe.
If I am right, it belonged to your mother.
I assume the person who wrote it was your father.
I could not find any clue about his identity.
I am enclosing the letter along with mine, hoping you find something you need. I will write to you again.
Yours,
Mary Bennet
Elizabeth finally thought she could gain insight into her birth and read the other letter quickly.
But to her dismay, there was no clarity about the identity of the man who sent it to her mother.
It was a letter professing deep love and affection, but there was no other detail or clue in the contents.
The letter was signed with the initials "MA. "
““ MA”? What could that mean? Are those the initials of my father?"
She read the letter repeatedly, and it seemed to have been written during a period of separation.
Uncle Gardiner said my mother was in love with someone in town, but this letter does not affirm it.
She was confused and frustrated the whole day, unable to decide what she must do. She hardly slept that night, and by morning, she was in a state of distress.
Nobody knows anything, and Uncle Gardiner has no answers. The only way I can find out my father's identity is if I return to Longbourn and confront them.
As she walked up the hill, somehow, with each step she took, she lost hope in life. In a spur moment of anger, she had decided to end her life near the cliff when Darcy intervened.
I would be dead by now if not for him.
She struggled to accept that she owed her life to some unknown rider and walked to Ashton Park as fast as she could.
On the other hand, Darcy wondered who she was as he saw her disappear down the hill. He was unable to forget her face or her words. Somehow, he did not feel offended by how she treated him and was intrigued by the whole episode. Darcy glanced at the falls before leaving.
Why would she stand so close to the edge, knowing the risk?Something was amiss about her.
He rode to Pemberley in deep thought and realized that the episode with Elizabeth distracted him from matters concerning Georgiana. After two months of separation, he finally acknowledged the need to see her and had returned to Pemberley the previous night.
They did not correspond while he was in town, and their meeting the previous night had been very formal.
Georgiana was reluctant to converse with her brother, unable to forget what she had put him through.
She made enquiries after her cousin Richard and her aunt and uncle.
Darcy was guilty of enquiring about her welfare, knowing very well that her face conveyed everything he wanted to know. She looked unhappy and depressed.
He had left for his ride early, unable to fathom how to repair his relationship with his sister. He knew they could not get past the incident at Ramsgate unless they discussed it openly, but neither of them was up to revisiting the details of the past.
***
As Elizabeth entered Ashton Park, she was engulfed with shame.
It took some time for her to return to normalcy, and she could not concentrate on the children that morning when they sat with her to study.
She was constantly reminded of her act of cowardice when she saw the distant sight of the hills through the window.
“Miss Smith, why are you always looking at the window?” Emily asked innocently.
“Oh! It is nothing,” she replied.
“Mamma used to say I am being absent-minded when I do the same thing.”
Elizabeth laughed at Emily's observation. She could not believe how easily she had given up on her present life and the responsibility she had taken up with the children. She promised herself that she would never venture down that lane again.
As for the letter, Elizabeth understood it was useless to her.
There is no name, no address, or anything substantial. Mary sent it to me with good intentions. Unfortunately, I can infer nothing from it.
The very day, she wrote a reply to Mary.
Dearest Mary,
I cannot begin to express how much I miss you. Whenever I see Miss Darcy, I am reminded of you. I understand your intention in sending the letter you found.
I read it many times but cannot find anything that may lead to my father's identity.
As you doubt, Mamma and Papa are not revealing the entire truth.
Uncle Gardiner mentioned that all he knew about my father was that he was someone from town.
But this letter was written during a period of separation.
Unfortunately, this letter only adds to the mystery of my past. I could return to Longbourn and demand answers, but I am certain there is not even the slightest possibility of getting the truth out of them.
As painful as it is, I must learn to live with the fact that I may never know who my father is.
Nor will I understand why my mother chose to hide his identity.
I must be content with my present situation, Mary, and I hope that someday we can meet each other again.
Yours,
Lizzy
She folded the letter and placed it in an envelope addressed to Charlotte. The sisters corresponded with each other through Charlotte and Mariah but never wrote directly to each other.
Before sleeping that day, she opened the closet and reached out to a leather box hidden under her clothes. Her uncle had given her the box before he left. She opened the box and looked inside as she often did.
…This belonged to Sarah, and she wanted you to have it. She gave it to me before she died. I do not know why, but this seemed very important to your mother…
Her uncle's words echoed in her mind. She took the chain and held it in her palm.
It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry she had ever seen. Jane and her mother had several chains and necklaces, but none were close to elegance and beauty of the chain she held.
The delicate chain had a beautiful emerald pendant, and Elizabeth wondered whether it was given to her mother by the man whom she had loved.
She put it back into the box and went to sleep. The next morning, she left for the same hill for her walk and, somehow, anticipated meeting the man who had saved her life the previous day. But the place was deserted, and she reached the top of the hill and stood gazing at the falls.
She knew the only reason she was alive was because of Darcy.
Who is he?
She wondered, contemplating the prospect of meeting him again in the future.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19 (Reading here)
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 89