Page 20 of The Gossip War (Pride and Prejudice Shorts #1)

For the first time in my life, I regretted an invitation to my sister’s house.

Most thought we were two peas in a pod, and they may well have been right.

She had no children while I had a surfeit.

She presided over the house we were born in while I snagged a gentleman.

Other than those obvious differences, we always got along well.

She was a bit loud and gossipy, but I suppose I was too.

Whether I would improve over time was yet to be determined, but I was resolved to try, for Lizzy’s sake if nothing else.

After our war council of the previous evening, William was taking steps to dissuade the cur in our midst, and he did not wish to meet either of Misters Wickham or Bingley before he was ready.

I asked what those preparations were, and he suggested he had enough vowels to put the man in debtor’s prison, and he had a cousin who was a real soldier who would happily dispatch both men before breakfast. That last was not a real threat, but it was amusing.

We went to my sister’s party because it would be rude not to, and out of character enough to raise eyebrows we preferred lowered.

I threatened Kitty and Lydia that I would make them exchange bonnets with Mary if they so much as spoke two words to Mr Wickham, and since they could not conceive of any fate so terrible, they were easy enough to manage.

Mary was unlikely to give two straws for any man in uniform, so I felt no need to tell her anything. She spent much time speaking with Mr Collins, but most of their conversations sounded more like an argument than complaisance, so I did not worry.

Lizzy and Jane I ignored since they could perfectly well take care of themselves.

Mr Collins imposed himself on my sister, which gave me a slight chance to listen to his blather.

When he compared my sister’s parlour to a small breakfast nook at Rosas, or Rosings, or whatever his patroness’ estate was, Mrs Philips was none too pleased, until he grovelled enough to slake her thirst for revenge.

After that, the man had enough sense to return to Mary for yet another doctrinal argument.

The officers did in fact appear, and my sister made quite a fuss over them. Mr Wickham was the most sought after, though whether that was because he was the handsomest or the newest was hard to tell. There is a great deal to say for novelty.

Jane overheard him telling Amy Long some ridiculous story about William.

Something about being denied a living, which made no sense.

If he had a gentleman’s education and planned to take a living, he would at least have taken orders.

Even Mr Collins managed that! Given that, being a brand-new lieutenant at an age close to Williams suggested a lackadaisical attitude, rather than William’s malice as a more likely suggestion.

Unfortunately, Miss Long ate it up like sweet meats, and I had to wonder what the man’s objective was. Jane and Lizzy wondered aloud when we returned to Longbourn what his goal was and were truly shocked when I outlined his probable motive. My daughters might be na?ve maidens, but I was not.

He was a man out for what he could get, and I hoped William would dispatch him with alacrity.