Page 19 of The Gossip War (Pride and Prejudice Shorts #1)

The problem with figuratively falling on your sword, is that you were still alive after.

My father’s patience with Mr Collins was reasonably good for a curmudgeon, but it had its limits.

He was a busy man after all. Not only did he have to spend his time smiting our enemies, but he seemed to be engaged in the unusual task of improving his relationship with his wife.

The signs were subtle, visible to Lizzy and me, but I doubted the younger sisters could tell the difference.

I supposed they would eventually notice Mama was far quieter.

When Mr Collins exhausted Papa’s patience, he suggested we all walk to Meryton.

Kitty and Lydia took each other’s arms and scampered off like squirrels.

“Do you think their newfound complaisance will survive a walk to Meryton?” Elizabeth asked quietly.

“Let them work off their spirits. I believe their manners will have to improve to be… what did your beau call it… sisters of Pemberley.”

Lizzy sighed happily, which made me laugh as well.

What made me even happier was that Lizzy and I had each other’s arms, while unbeknownst to me, Mama had dissuaded Mr Collins from both of us.

That left Mary, but I could not tell if she considered his company pain or pleasure. Mary was funny that way.

Kitty and Lydia were wild to see new ribbons, bonnets, and the like, even though there was little chance anything had changed in the three days since their last visit. Lizzy gazed at them fondly, which was an improvement over her usual exasperation.

“Good Lord, who is that handsome man?” Lydia laughed.

A leopard does not change its spots, at least overnight. Lizzy and I shushed her but otherwise let her enjoy her sport. There was a limit to how much trouble she could get into.

I was not happy with their behaviour, but since my new brother was likely to hire them a governess who could make an army sergeant cry, I was not overly worried.

Mary was still engaged with Mr Collins, so we allowed our two silliest sisters to drag us over for an introduction that was only about half-improper (a vast improvement for Lydia).

We were thus engaged in meeting a newly minted Lieutenant Wickham.

I suppose most would assert that his appearance was greatly in his favour.

He had all the best part of beauty, a fine countenance, a good figure, and very pleasing address; = but after my experience at Netherfield, I was immune to such charms. On the other hand, my new brother was even handsomer, so perhaps it was premature to give up on handsome men entirely.

We were just getting through the commonplaces, and Lizzy was getting close to dragging Lydia off by her ear, when I heard horses walking into town.

Lizzy and I turned toward them, whilst Kitty and Lydia remained annoyingly engaged with the soldiers.

To my disappointment, though hardly my surprise, I saw Mr Bingley.

We had all agreed we needed to show the awkward half-indifference, half-melancholy of a nascent courtship that waned naturally, so I did my best to play my part whilst he did his.

I saw a look in his eye that might have been regret, but with a man like that, it could well be regret over failed avarice.

William looked as handsome as ever, and he could barely keep his eyes off Lizzy. None of us minded his incivility in the least. Mary and Mr Collins were engaged in a petty argument about some doctrinal issue, and Lydia could not have been distracted from the soldiers by a fire.

William came our way, and Lizzy and I both saw the moment when his look was temporarily distracted to see who was with us, and then I gasped to see the most hostile, thunderous look he had ever given anyone.

His face suggested the Bingleys were a minor annoyance and whomever he was staring at was far, far worse.

I followed his gaze to see the newly minted Lieutenant Wickham, who looked up to see William and his face turned white. I suspected I was seeing rage and terror respectively, and then it struck me: This must be the bounder who interfered with my new sister, Georgiana.

Both men came to their senses in time to barely tip hats, then Mr Wickham calculatingly bowed and suggested he had military business to get to.

William joined us and suggested a rapid retreat to Longbourn, but Lizzy convinced him that was a good way to start rumours we were at such pains to avoid.

Instead of beating a hasty retreat, we joined Mr Bingley in visiting my aunt, who planned a dinner party for the next day. She was slightly overwhelmed by the verbosity and reticence of misters Collins and Darcy respectively, but we eventually muddled through it.

We eventually retreated to Longbourn in good order, with Mr Bingley doing his job of showing he had lost interest in me, as flighty men are wont to do. I suggested as much to my aunt and expected the gossip to be all over town by nightfall.

Mr Collins insisted he should get an introduction to the obviously distinguished gentleman, and Mary showed some surprising backbone by instructing him that the more consequential gentleman must request the introduction, and there was no doubt which man was which.

The fool then tried to convince her the rules were different for the clergy, and they argued about it all the way back to Longbourn; at which point we joined our parents for another war council.

I entered the meeting with trepidation with only one thought in mind.

I dearly hope that cur does not become intimate with the Bingleys.