Page 12 of The Gossip War (Pride and Prejudice Shorts #1)
I have long complained that nobody ever listens to me or cares how I suffer.
To tell the truth, the fact that I dressed in time to drag my lackadaisical husband out of bed like a wilful child (such as Lizzy) seemed like just the next trial.
It was not as if the entail were going anywhere, and if Jane and Lizzy returned from Netherfield at three in the morning, the least the man could do was get up and listen to how bad thing might get.
Bless me, was I wrong!
As it turned out, my fondest dreams had come true, and all because of my formerly most disobliging, now most clever, daughter, Lizzy.
My idea to send Jane to Netherfield on horseback paid off, but in the exact opposite way I expected.
Engaged to the man who was her worst enemy twelve hours earlier was…
was… well… let us just say I was all astonishment.
Of course, Jane showed she is cleverer than anybody gives her credit for by asserting nobody could dislike a handsome man so much if she did not like him just a little bit.
Bless her na?ve heart if believing that gives her comfort, but I know better.
It is entirely possible, and quite easy, to hate a man for all the right reasons until the end of time.
I was not about to quibble about their love story, but I thought it might be useful to speak a bit to Jane; especially if she would end up husband hunting in London, which compares to Meryton as a puddle to the ocean.
Elizabeth story was enchanting, and it was easy to see that passion would not be a particular problem for the couple. If I may use a crude analogy, Mr Darcy should have gone for a bucket of water instead of building the fire—if you know what I mean.
I had to admit to being enormously proud of my Lizzy. She had disparaged gossip all her life, and I will not open that debate right now. When the time was right, she recognised that she was in a gossip war, which naturally led her to understand that I was by far the best general for the process.
She did not understand all the nuances, as no twenty-year-old girl is likely to, but she had enough sense to call in the cavalry.
Once I declared we were at war, everyone turned to me for suggestions—which may well have been the first time since my marriage that happened.
I enjoyed their obvious enthusiasm for each other and wondered if there was a way to rekindle a hundredth part of that after twenty-three years, but that was a question for another day.
I had pulled quite enough ears for one day, thank you very much
First, we had to get the order of battle, so I took charge.
“Lizzy… Mr Darcy…”
Before I could get going, Mr Darcy said, “We shall be family. I should be pleased if you called me Fitzwilliam or William.”
Elizabeth smiled at him, but she was doing a lot of that lately.
“All right… Lizzy, William… This is a war, so let us treat it as one, agreed?”
“Of course, that is why we are here,” Lizzy volunteered while William nodded.
I took a deep breath and paused a moment to get my wits about me.
“We are like two armies facing off across a field of battle. Our army is far stronger, so you have better odds of winning the battle; but it is not so lopsided as to guarantee a bloodless victory in the war.”
“Agreed,” they said together while my husband and Jane looked on with great interest.
“As with any battle, there will be casualties on both sides. You have considerably more power in society than they do, but you also have vulnerabilities. At the very least, if they get nasty, they can hurt your sister, and not to make too fine a point of it, you will have four more sisters within the month.”
The way William flinched drove home how vulnerable his sister was, but I did not delve into more details. We had to get to the big point.
“Here is the question we need to resolve tonight! You have two basic strategies. The first is what I shall call the easy way.
“You could meet in the library at one as planned and try to work out a settlement everyone can live with. They might hold their fire in exchange for not being entirely shunned.
“That still has some risk, as you are letting an army go back to rearm and fight another day, but could avoid the battle for the moment.”
My husband laughed a bit, and I was just about to give him what-for when he surprised me.
“That is very astute, my dear. I admit you have surprised me, and the fault must be mine. My hat is off to you. It is a brilliant analogy—and certainly bloody enough to keep our attention.”
I could have done without that last part, but I admit it may have been the nicest thing he had said to me in years. It may well have put me to the blush, but fortunately it was hidden by the poor lighting.
“Thank you, Thomas,” I said, then turned back to my main task.
William asked, “And the alternative.”
“Allow me to quote one of Lizzy’s dusty tomes: To hesitate is to yield. Let the blow be swift and let it end the matter. ”
Elizabeth gulped, but both men just nodded.
Just to clarify, my husband said, “You mean to strike the first blow…”
William completed it, “… and make it definitive.”
“Correct! No quarter! No mercy! You must decide if you have the stomach to absolutely destroy them, but if you do, you cannot show weakness.”
Elizabeth was coming around, but Jane surprised me again. “ Wounded he may be, but he creeps not to die—only to hone his edge in quiet. ”
Lizzy laughed, though there was little humour in it. “Another dusty tome, Jane?”
She showed her own humour. “No, I just made it up.”
“How would that look,” William asked.
I had to think about that a minute.
“The servants will be well up and about by six. All we need do is tell our story to the right people at the right time.
“Naturally, in our version the proposal happened earlier, but William did not seek consent because Lizzy would have to leave before Jane recovered.
“A loose woman tried to compromise an engaged man out of sheer desperation.
“You could even embellish it by suggesting she had a particular reason for rapid nuptials, if you get my drift.”
Elizabeth and Jane gasped at that last one, but the men were no more shocked than I expected. This was not complicated, and I suspected the girls gasped out of habit more than shock. They were not that na?ve.
“It would be all over Meryton before we arrived at church, and to London before tomorrow.
“William would strike the second blow by writing to his gossipier noble relatives, and I would strike the third by writing to my very clever brother in Cheapside.
“They would be in the tattle section by Wednesday and shunned from good society by Friday. The only thing even resembling friends they would have left would be people trying to take advantage of their weakness to get at Bingley’s money.”
Elizabeth and Jane gulped at that, but I do not know if they felt bad for the Bingleys, or disappointed at the level of sheer malevolence I was capable of.
William asked, “What if we do not strike the first blow?”
“It is much harder to put out a fire than to light it, and the longer it burns, the harder it is to extinguish.”
I had to admit that I surprised myself, mostly because I at least half-agreed with Lizzy—I am not a clever woman. Perhaps I underestimated myself.
With my main contribution made, we spent a good hour discussing the pros and cons of both approaches, and all the variants.
I admit here and now it was the most fun I have had in years, and having my husband and two most sensible daughters showing me respect and listening to me did wonders for my nerves.
In the end, I was certain of one thing:
Those fools would rue the day they took on Francine Bennet!