Page 82 of The Gods Veiling (The Valorian Veil #1)

Thayla

I can’t convince myself my canopy top is really the clouds.

Nor can I convince my mind what happened in Amick’s office an hour ago didn’t really happen.

I’m mortified, pissed off, confused, and unfortunately, really fucking sexually frustrated as it was so expressively put.

No one could’ve warned me it’d be Amick that’d put me on the spot like that. Riven, all day. He shamelessly called me out hours ago and then literally laughed about it. Kyzen makes plenty of sexy comments that get me all hot and bothered. Although Creed doesn’t say anything, I’m not blind.

But Amick?

Don’t get me wrong, he’s said multiple things before that’ve made my jaw drop and he’s one of the finest specimens of gods I’ve ever seen, but his compliments in his mind are facts.

There’s no flirting, no hidden sexual innuendos, none of that.

If he says my skin is soft, that’s exactly what he means.

There’s no having to decipher what he says.

He’s got my head all kinds of fucked up right now.

That man meant he’d give me an orgasm right then and there. In his office. With his brothers right outside the door .

I swear to the Valories, my body begged me to scream yes.

In more ways than one.

He was so confident, even if it was in his own smart-ass way.

This entire day, every way I turn, the subject of sex continues to get brought up and every time, my mind travels to one of the four men I live with. It’s an infuriating cycle that’s left me with a concoction of emotions.

I feel like a teenager all over again with her first crush.

Only this time, it’s quadrupled.

Jeez, that memory is just as dreadful and makes my stomach sink more.

My first crush wasn’t Jeremiah, but that’s where he inserted himself into my life romantically. Mind you, I didn’t care to date, and boys were the last thing I was worried about. I had always told myself, my parents would be back, so there’s no reason to get my heart broken when we left.

At seventeen, I drew up the courage to ask out a guy named Baxton. He was Mellcom’s age, so only two years older, and in his friend group. He was always nice, friendly, and included me when Mellcom let me come along with them to do whatever they were doing.

All I did was ask him awkwardly, in front of all their friends, if he wanted to hang out, just the two of us. He laughed. Loudly. Belly gripping. Then patted me on my head and said not a chance.

Jeremiah knocked his ass out right there where he stood, then told me he’d be waiting for whenever I realized I was meant to be with him.

Meridamus said absolutely not.

When he left, Mellcom said if Jeremiah was really who I wanted to be with, it was okay with him. I still held out for a couple more years because I felt like I was taking him from Mellcom, and I didn’t want to do that.

I gave in at twenty-one. The rest is history.

A heartbreaking history.

I slam my eyes shut to get those thoughts out of my head. They’re immediately replaced with the same ones I was having before that awful reminder came to me.

Ugh.

The only logical explanation I have is this is all my soul’s fault. Since it’s making a home in all four of them, that’s the one reasonable excuse as to why I’m emotionally and physically attracted to my whole Valtrue.

I can think of more excuses, but then I just feel like I’m doing something wrong by liking multiple men.

It’s hard, though, and it’s making me crazy right now.

Kyzen and Amick, I can give myself more grace about.

I’m with the two of them more than the others and they make me feel different things for different reasons.

Creed and Riven, I don’t even want to examine.

They’re both incredibly wishy-washy and it confuses the hell out of me. One minute, Creed’s being all mysterious and sexy, even going as far as praising me in training. The next, he’s avoiding me like my soul is plaguing him.

Riven, I just never know. Most of the time he’s being flirty or an asshole. Sometimes he combines the two. I’ve seen glimpses of the other part of him, though. That’s a side I’d like to drag to the surface and explore every inch of.

I was so worked up when I stormed from the office, all I could do was hold my hand up to the three of them when I found them waiting literally a few feet from the door. It felt like I was taking the walk of shame.

Yemi could see it all over my face something was wrong. I couldn’t explain anything to her, Lambrit, or Rose as they each stared at me. I just told her I needed some time alone and to enjoy her day doing whatever she wanted.

I grip my pillow and attempt to smother myself with it. Not really, but I do hold it there to muffle my frustrated scream just in case someone’s here.

Gods, how am I ever going to be able to face them?

I just want us all to pretend I never busted in there asking what I asked.

A muffled shout reaches my ears when I stop my own shrieking. I lie still to listen for it again but sit straight up when I realize it’s not coming from within my house. It’s outside the back door.

I sling my legs over the side of my bed and creep toward the curtains.

“You’re going to the healing villas or telling her. Decide, Yemi.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what to do right now.”

Yemi’s high-pitched shriek at Havar has my body moving before I can even think it through. As soon as I sling my door wide, I hear her gasp from around the corner and when I round it, she turns her back to me.

“Havar, what the fuck are you yelling at her about?”

“Don’t come out here yelling at me, Thayla. This is partially your damn fault.”

“Stop it right now. It is not,” Yemi yells and my head twitches between them.

“My fault? I didn’t do anything. I’ve been in my room for the last hour.”

“Turn around and tell her, or I will.”

Yemi’s head drops low and my heart crawls into my throat. I want to cuss Havar all the way out for talking to both of us the way he is right now, but I’m not dumb. That’s not normal anger in his tone. It’s hurt, fear, and probably a touch of really being pissed .

Impossibly slow, Yemi turns. I see red.

It could just be because her eye is red and nearly swollen shut or it could be the fury coursing through me because of that. Probably both.

“Who the fuck did that?”

“I’m not talking about it if you’re going to freak out.”

Going to freak out? Going to? I already am.

I’m planning someone’s death.

Her unswollen eye says a thousand things. One of them being she means that. If I freak out, she’s going to go all silent mode on me, and I won’t ever get the truth out of her.

I take a deep, unhelpful breath. “I won’t freak out.”

Her shoulders slump in defeat and she sighs.

“Rose was waiting to tell us together, but when you left, she went ahead and informed me the Attendants’ chamber in the Court was trashed again.

It’s happened plenty of times, but it’s never mattered until now.

So I decided to go and check to make sure your stuff and my spare clothes I put there weren’t messed with.

“When I left the Athenaeum, Havar and Collum were coming out as well and said they’d walk me, but I told them not to worry about walking in the Court with me. I’d be in and out.”

“I never should’ve listened to you.”

“Enough, just let me get it out.” She lays her hand on his trembling arm and looks back at me.

“I…I do have an ability. I don’t want to talk about it right now, but I just want you to know I do have one and it’s easy to hide.

I typically can use it to protect myself anytime I’ve ever been cornered, and I do to divert any really bad damage from being done.

For the most part, it’s very undetectable, but since the Veiling and more power got released, it’s not so easy to hide if I let it out.

“When I got to the Attendants’ chamber, our stuff was fine, so I left, but as soon as I came out, I was approached.

I knew what was about to happen and tried to keep walking, but they grabbed me.

I panicked and let more of my power slip than I meant to.

To the person who touched me, they thought I slapped them.

I didn’t, but that’s probably what my ability felt like when it pushed against them.

I finally reined it back in and well…yeah. ”

She highlights her eye like that’s the result she expected, deserved. That response has my blood boiling even more and my ears ring, but I force my voice to stay steady.

“You’re okay otherwise?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. A black eye is nothing new. It’s just been a while. ”

I grind my teeth painfully. “And who did this?”

“I really don’t want to tell you.”

“And I really don’t want to force it out of you, so please don’t make me, but this isn’t okay. No one should put their hands on you, Yemi. You did nothing to deserve this.”

“Please just tell us.”

“You haven’t even told him?”

“No. He has a big mouth and would’ve told you already.”

“Yeah, because she’s your fucking Attending God, Yemi, and can actually make a difference with this sort of thing. She can make it to where nothing happens to you without the other god facing consequences.”

“Yeah, and put herself in a position to face her own consequences, Havar. That’s what you’re not understanding.

She actually has to train in that Court and go to the darker side of Godsden with those gods at her side.

She has to face so much more already than either of us does and I’m not going to be the reason those gods turn their back on her. ”

“Let me decide that for myself, okay?”

My question comes out as soft as I can make it. I’m literally giving myself bruises from pinching my arms so hard where they’re crossed over my chest just to force my feet to stay planted.

“You’re not going to do anything to get yourself in trouble, right? You’ll just wait this out and talk to your Valtrue about it first?”

“Yep.”