Page 72 of The Gods Veiling (The Valorian Veil #1)

Kyzen

Pacing has never been my thing.

It’s a waste of time and movement, but that’s all my body wants to do.

The whole concept of myself, my role in our group, hell, all of Godsden, is off right now. Timing is what I’m supposed to be good at, perfect at by the standards of the gods.

Yet at this moment, I can’t help but drown in doubt.

We should’ve told her about the Abandon. We should’ve found a way to bring it up without going into details about our history.

Then, we would’ve been lying to her. We weren’t trying to do that either. So avoiding it altogether became the solution.

I don’t have an answer or mediation for this.

I don’t know which way would’ve worked out.

How do you tell someone new, that you’re powerfully tied to for the rest of your life, you were born and created to be monsters? Then you chose a different fate for yourself that started a realmly descent.

That’s not something you just blurt out over coffee in the moonlight .

Fuck, maybe it is.

The uncertainty in the air mixed with how long it’s taking for Thayla to return has my nerves restless and my power sitting on my skin.

We figured Seismet would bring her straight here, but it’s been long enough now that each of us has taken turns removing our armor and getting a shower.

The Oblirian’s blood has no harmful side effects or anything like that, but the memories they bring forth are unwanted. We’ve done this countless times in the twenty years we’ve been at the Godsdawn and that’s caused us to fall into coping routines.

Return home silently, take showers, spend however long we need in our rooms alone, then come out like nothing ever happened.

We can’t do that tonight and the longer we wait, spread out between the living room and kitchen, the further we descend into our darker thoughts.

Riven’s sitting on the couch, bouncing his knee. The vibrations travel through the floor and into the path I’m walking behind him.

Amick’s moving from bookshelf to bookshelf, cataloging what he already has perfectly cataloged.

Creed’s busy at work in the kitchen. The scent of coffee fills the air and the constant clanging of mugs is basically the only noise in the whole house.

Tonight was an absolute shit show that has us all on our metaphorical edge and there’s no telling what’s going to tip us over.

“How much longer—”

Riven stops asking his question when the subtle vibration of someone entering the house skirts across our senses. We all know who it is, and we each fall still as we stare at the entranceway, waiting for her to emerge.

The sight of her makes my throat close.

I don’t know what picture I had painted in my mind, but black droplets doting her face and highlighting her gorgeous rose gold hair weren’t it. I don’t know why I put it in my head she wouldn’t look like she just fought as hard as any of us did when she walked in.

It makes me feel sick.

The fact she’s even been touched by the vile remnants of those monsters makes my stomach turn uncomfortably.

I wish she never had to go there.

I wish we never had to return there.

“Well,” she says, clearing her voice as she glances at each of us. “I’m very underdressed for our party. ”

There’s a tense beat of silence before a surprised snort escapes me. I force a small smile to my face. “I’m sorry we didn’t make the dress code clear.”

She smiles softly at me and the red rims around her eyes fuck me all the way up. I know her well enough by now to know she holds her tears behind a fierce fortress.

I’m sure there have been many instances where she’s wanted to let tears fall, whether they were from anger, frustration, or maybe even sadness. She never has, though.

To know this strong, sassy-ass goddess cried alone over this makes my fucking chest feel like it’s ripping apart.

“I guess I’ll go get changed and be right back.”

I nod, but my brothers are frozen in some strange trance as they watch her every step silently. Her reaction is taking us all by surprise, but I’m the only one who seems to be able to pull it together.

“We’ll be right out here whenever you’re ready.”

We all collectively release our breaths as she disappears down her hallway, but only a second passes before her voice rings out loudly.

“Kyzen.”

My body moves without thought. In a handful of strides, I’m crashing through her open door. She collides with my chest, and I wrap my arms around her to steady her.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Thayla. Are you okay? I didn’t realize you were right here.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. I just can’t…” She takes a couple deep breaths as she lays her palms against my chest. There’s a tremble in her hands I’ve never seen, and I hold myself back from gripping them to calm her nerves.

“I cut the lights off when we left, and my power isn’t listening to me right now. I think I’m too in my head to focus.”

I do what I know she wants me to do but doesn’t want to ask.

My power comes at my command, almost grateful to be released from the confines of my skin. This use of it is far different from actually putting it to work with time, but it’s freeing regardless.

Light comes to life everywhere in her room. From her living area, to her closet and her bathroom. There’s not a single dark corner left, and her body relaxes tenfold in my hands.

Has she always been like this about the dark or did what she experience tonight do this ?

I’m desperately hoping she’s always had an aversion and what happened tonight didn’t cause this for her.

Her breath fans across my neck and chill bumps break out across my skin as she slowly removes herself from my embrace. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll step out and we’ll be right out there.”

“Just…stay right here or sit. Whichever. You can snoop if you want. I don’t have anything interesting, but that’s what I’d do if I were left alone in your room.”

I run my hand across my mouth to keep from laughing when she turns and hauls ass into her closet. I caught the pinkening of her cheeks as she blabbed that out, but I don’t dare tease her right now.

Just as fast as she walked into her closest, she heads into the bathroom with a wad of clothes in her hands. She doesn’t spare me a glance, and she doesn’t shut the bathroom all the way.

So she definitely doesn’t want to be alone right now, just won’t admit it.

I can’t bring myself to sit on her bed, so I do decide to snoop, if that’s what she wants to call it. Really, I observe.

The entire atmosphere of her room reminds me of nature. The dark green walls are deep like some of the forgotten forest. The ones where us gods haven’t tried to incorporate ourselves. They’ve lived untouched and thriving.

The stone that’s intricately layered around her fireplace reminds me of the hidden pools and hot springs in the Veilatara meadows. The wings on her mantel don’t match the color of the Veilataras, gods, or any creature blessed with them.

It ties the rest of everything else I’m seeing, though.

My Binder craves freedom. The ability to be her own person and to be at peace while living her life.

Guilt turns in my stomach and chest.

That isn’t a life we’re going to be able to provide for her.

“Is she okay?”

Amick’s voice travels through the room as he stands at the threshold of her door and I move my fingers from the fireplace. He’s not going to come in here without her permission, but he was obviously growing anxious out there waiting.

“Yeah. She needed some help with the lights, then told me to wait right here.”

“Understandable. A trauma resp—”

“Not the time, brother. Let’s keep the analysis of her reactions mental for now, okay? ”

He considers that for a second before turning from the door. I release a breath as the water cuts off and turn my back to her bathroom so she doesn’t think I was standing here staring at her door.

Her vast, nearly floor-to-ceiling curtains take me by surprise. I can’t help the chuckle that slips through when I think about how she had to pull those things back in order to shed some light in here for weeks.

I’m not laughing necessarily at her, but I swear I can hear her in here cussing about it.

“Does my room tickle you?”

My mouth dries as I take sight of her. Her long hair is still wet, and she’s slowly gripping it with her towel to get the water out. The small set of shorts she has on barely pokes out under her oversized shirt and her bare toes wiggle against the floor.

This is how she’s supposed to look.

She never should be drenched in Oblirian blood.

“It does. It suits you. Perfectly.”

She hums as she glances around. “I’m not so sure about that. Did I hear someone else a second ago?”

“Yeah, Amick came to check on us.”

The corners of her lips tip up. “I’m sure he was.”

I return her small smile and slide my hands into my sweatpants. It’s like our first day meeting all over again. I’m not exactly sure what to say and I don’t want to upset her, so I wait her out.

She hangs her towel on her bathroom door and runs her hands through her hair a few times as she stares at me. “Which are you tonight, Kyzen?”

I tilt my head. “What do you mean?”

“Good god or bad god?”

A sad smile crosses my lips. “Probably some of both, little goddess.”

It’s no secret, not even to her, I’ll do the majority of the talking. Usually, it wouldn’t bother me. It’s what I’m best suited for in our Valtrue. Tonight, though, I wish someone else took the reins.

“Let’s go get the awkwardness out of the way then.”

She crosses her room to me and with a pat to my chest, she leads our way out. Each of her steps is confident, but that small tremble is still in her hands. The brave facade she’s putting on is just that. A facade.

She’s just as nervous as we are .

The kitchen and living room are deathly silent. The distant looks in my brother’s eyes, though, scream.

First, they glance at me, then all the attention moves to Thayla. She squirms in her place, then moves to the counter and wordlessly fixes her coffee with everything Creed’s left out.