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CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

SEVEN YEARS EARLIER

T he first missed period, Laurie put down to stress. Since the rape, she hadn’t slept properly, and her mind was foggy, so she couldn’t think clearly.

When the second period didn’t arrive, Laurie panicked. The constant daily headaches were getting her down. Some days, they made her feel so sick that she had to rush from class to throw up.

Now, she sat in the doctor’s waiting room with butterflies fluttering in her stomach. At least she knew it wasn’t an infection he’d given her. All those tests had checked out fine.

Laurie tried to avoid looking at the heavily pregnant woman who sat opposite her, accompanied by someone she presumed was her proud husband. Then, another pregnant woman walked in, followed by another. It seemed they were everywhere, like ants crawling out from a nest.

Then Laurie noticed the Antenatal Clinic sign and smiled at the irony. She snatched a magazine from the table and tried to concentrate on it, but the chatter in the waiting room and the ringing of phones at the reception desk made it impossible. Suffocation overcame her, and she felt a desperate need to run. Then, her name flashed up on the screen.

‘Laurie McDuff to Room 4.’

The female doctor was kind. Still, Laurie blushed, crossed and uncrossed her legs several times as she described the missed periods.

‘Can you pop to the loo and do a urine sample for me?’

Laurie took the container obediently. She was so nervous that she could only pee a small amount.

‘That’s fine.’ The doctor smiled. ‘We’ll do a pregnancy test.’

Laurie waited nervously, wringing her hands.

The doctor checked the test and looked up at Laurie. ‘Well, Laurie, I can confirm you’re pregnant. If you’ve missed two periods already, and taking the date that intercourse occurred. I would put you at about ten weeks.’

The words were like a punch to her solar plexus, and she struggled to breathe. ‘What?’ she gasped. She remembered the morning-after pill prescription the nurse from the STI clinic had given her. She’d tried to get it after school, but the pharmacy had closed early. She’d managed to get hold of it the next day, but it must have been too late.

The doctor filled a plastic cup of water from the dispenser and handed it to Laurie. ‘Here, take deep breaths. It’s clearly a shock.’

Laurie took sips of the water.

‘I see from your records that you’re not on the pill.’

Laurie shook her head. She couldn’t think straight, not while her head was all fuzzy.

‘Do you know the father?’

Laurie nodded and then started to cry.

‘Will he support you?’

Laurie shook her head. ‘Do you have to tell my parents?’ she asked.

‘Only if you want me to.’

‘I don’t know what to do,’ Laurie sobbed.

The doctor pushed a box of tissues across the table and laid a reassuring hand on Laurie’s arm. ‘Go home and take time to think about it. Come back in a week, and we can discuss your options.’

Laurie wanted to laugh. Options? What bloody options? How could she support a child? Would she even be able to love it, knowing how it was conceived? There were no options.

‘I was raped,’ she said. The words seem to spew from her mouth of their own volition.

Hearing the words aloud for the first time tightened her gut. She had been violated by a man who should have known better. The anger consumed her like a fire, burning through every part of her he’d touched.

The relaxed face of the doctor now hardened. ‘Did you report the rape, Laurie?’

‘No, how could I? Who would believe me? He’s a professional man with a good reputation. The police would make mincemeat out of me, and so would the courts. I’m the kind of girl they say asked for it.’

The doctor took a deep breath. ‘No one ever asks to be raped, Laurie. He exploited you. It was an abuse of power. He took advantage of your age and your background. You must report him.’

Laurie shook her head vigorously. ‘You don’t understand. If it happened to you, everyone would listen. I’m from a council estate. My mother is an alcoholic. My dad left us when I was a kid. I’m fifteen, but you grow up quickly on a council estate. I know the score.’

‘Laurie, it doesn’t matter where you come from–’

‘Of course, it does. It matters a lot. No, I need to get rid of it.’ Like a bit of unwanted rubbish , she thought sadly.

‘Do you want to tell me who raped you, Laurie?’ the doctor asked. ‘I’ll report it on your behalf.’

‘No, I can’t.’

The doctor sighed helplessly. ‘Think things through, Laurie, and then come back in a week.’

Laurie took the tissue handed to her and wiped away her tears. It wouldn’t take a week to decide, but she nodded anyway.