Page 32 of The Forever Cowboy (Noble Ranch #1)

The clanging in his head, which had been getting louder, turned suddenly silent. Maybe everything would be all right. Maybe he was worrying for nothing.

“You didn’t have to do any of what you did,” she continued, a soft smile playing at her lips.

Those pretty, kissable lips that tasted like everything good in the world. Holy sweet heavens, what he wouldn’t do or give to kiss those lips again. But he couldn’t at this moment. He needed to focus on the conversation they needed to have about their future.

“I’m in debt to you.” Her voice was earnest.

He didn’t want to think about her being in debt to him. That hadn’t been his intention in helping her father. “Your father will have to work it off.”

“But you have no guarantee he will.”

Sterling curled his fingers around hers more firmly. That was true. It was also true he would have to start saving all over again, which would take years. That meant he wouldn’t have the means to build a house for a wife anytime soon…a house for Violet?

“I’m hopeful, though,” Violet continued. “Father seems truly sorrowful. After all that’s happened, I think he understands the mistakes he’s made.”

“That’s a start.”

She squeezed Sterling’s hands.

He loved her closeness and wanted to throw away all caution and just draw her into his arms.

“I’ll never be able to thank you enough.” Her eyes turned glassy again. “I owe you everything for saving me and Hyacinth and my father.”

Debt. Owe everything.

A strange sick feeling wafted through him. If he pressured her to go through with marrying him today, she would do it. Out of obligation. To thank him. Because she wanted to pay him back for the debt she felt she owed him.

But he couldn’t let her marry him for those reasons. He didn’t want her to feel beholden to him for anything—not for giving her a job, not for helping her and Hyacinth, and not for paying her father’s gambling debt.

He wouldn’t do that, even if she was agreeable. If he did, he’d always feel like she’d gone through with marrying him because she’d had to, not because she’d wanted to. He refused to take advantage of her that way.

“It was the right thing to do, Violet.” He let go of her hands and took a step back, needing some distance. “The other right thing is to release you from any commitment to me.”

Her brows rose, as if his statement was the last thing she’d expected to hear.

Maybe after how much he’d pressured her to marry him the first time, it was unexpected. Maybe she’d thought he’d pressure her today, especially with the reverend visiting. But he was different now—or at least, he wanted to be a changed man who could love authentically and sacrificially.

Part of learning to love her in a real way was giving her up—giving up any right to her or a future with her.

She glanced down at her fancy gown, her expression turning shy. “I don’t mind, Sterling. If you still want to go through with the wedding today, we can, since the reverend is here and we’re ready. But only if you want to. It’s all right if you don’t. I’m not expecting you to…”

Was she rambling because she was nervous?

He needed to put her at ease and assure her that he cared but also that he wouldn’t expect anything from her. Could he be honest with her? He wanted her to know how he felt but also that he was giving her the freedom to choose her own future.

He cleared his throat and forced himself to speak. “I need to be honest with you, Violet.”

She didn’t lift her gaze, was instead fiddling with the hem of her sleeve.

“I must admit, I still love you.”

At his declaration, her gaze shot up to his. Her beautiful green eyes held something he couldn’t name. Was it hope?

Whatever the case, he had to keep going. “Yes, I can’t deny that I love you and always have. But this time, I want to love you better. Which means I can’t manipulate you into marrying me because you feel you owe me something. I have to wait and be patient for you to be ready.”

A part of him wanted her to interrupt and tell him she was ready, that she loved him too, that she was finally ready to be with him.

She opened her lips to say something, then stalled before closing her mouth and dropping her gaze once more.

A heavy boulder fell to the bottom of his stomach. He had the overwhelming urge to grab her hands, plead with her, and promise that everything would be okay. But doing so would be about him and his needs and wouldn’t be about her.

“Even if you’re never ready, that’s okay.

” The words were difficult to get out, but once they were, he knew he’d taken a step forward in his journey of learning to love better.

He’d given her up, which was harder than giving up his savings.

“And you and Hyacinth can work here at the ranch as long as you want. There’s plenty to do, and I’m sure Jo-Jo will appreciate the help in the spring when she returns. ”

“Thank you.” Violet stared at her hands.

He pushed himself back another step toward the door. “I’ll be gone a few days selling some cattle. While I’m away, Beckett will make sure you’re safe and that your father does what he needs to.”

“Okay.” Her voice was quiet.

She was pulling away from him. He could see it in the way she held herself and in her expression. Was she frightened by his declaration of love? Was she relieved that he wasn’t pressuring her into marriage again? What emotions were running through her?

He wished she would open up and tell him how she was feeling instead of closing herself off like she had last time.

It was obvious she still wasn’t ready to marry him, perhaps still didn’t love him.

Choking down his frustration, he spun on his heels and started toward the front door.

It was best for him to go. Hopefully the time apart would give him a fresh perspective so that when he came back, he could love her freely without any reciprocation.

If that’s what he would have to do for the rest of his life, could he?

Could he be around her but never have her?

He blew out a tight breath, then exited through the front door without a glance back.