Page 15 of The Forever Cowboy (Noble Ranch #1)

Sterling stomped a path in the snow in front of the cabin, frustration pounding through his blood, and Hyacinth’s words about Violet ringing in his head.

If you’d really loved her, you would have been patient and understanding and tried to figure out what went wrong.

If you’d really loved her, you wouldn’t have let her leave Colorado and then never contacted her again.

If you’d really loved her, you wouldn’t have been able to live without her, and you would have gone after her.

Was Hyacinth right on every count? Was he a selfish coward?

The light coming from the window illuminated the small cleared area in front of the cabin and the pine trees that surrounded it, still heavy with snow.

He paused his pacing and peered up at the sky, which was clear and studded with a million stars. The stillness and quietness of the winter night usually brought him a measure of peace. But tonight, turmoil roiled inside him.

For so many months, he’d felt justified in his anger and resentment toward Violet and hadn’t stopped to consider the situation from any other perspective.

What if he’d been wrong about everything? What if he’d even been wrong about love?

He’d never made time for women in his life before he’d met Violet. He’d been too busy on the ranch, too busy trying to prove to his dad that he could run it and make it successful.

Of course, he’d always planned to get married. In fact, he and Maverick had even told each other where they wanted to propose to the women they loved. He’d thought he’d fallen in love with Violet, had never felt so strongly for any other woman, had loved everything about her.

But what if his love for Violet had been selfish and more about what she could do for him and add to his life than what he could do for her?

Hyacinth was right that he hadn’t been patient or understanding with Violet.

He hadn’t considered her needs and how she’d been feeling on their wedding day—or when he’d proposed and she’d initially rejected him.

No, he’d only been thinking about himself, how she’d wronged him and how she’d pushed him away.

If he’d really loved her—unconditionally and unselfishly—maybe he would have had a different perspective on all that had happened. Maybe he would have reacted more maturely. Maybe he wouldn’t have held on to his bitterness for so long.

His shoulders slumped, and he dropped his head. He’d been a fool, that’s what. A stubborn fool. It was past time to forgive Violet and seek her forgiveness for all that had happened. That was the first place to start in making amends.

The second way to make amends was to assist her through this whole situation with her father and his debt. Violet desperately needed a friend who would be there for her and keep her safe from whatever plans her father had made with Claude.

Sterling pinned his gaze on the cabin door. He didn’t still love her and couldn’t imagine ever resuming a relationship with her. But he could be the help she so badly needed, couldn’t he? Without expecting anything in return?

Then someday, when he’d worked on himself and learned more about what it meant to love sacrificially, maybe he’d be ready to meet someone new—someone he could love the right way this time.

Steeling his shoulders, he started back to the door. No more excuses. He had to let go of the past and move on. As he reached the door, he hesitated only a moment before swinging it wide and stepping inside.

The two women were at the table where he’d left them, and their gazes swung to him and their conversation came to an abrupt halt.

Obviously they’d been talking about him.

No doubt Hyacinth was telling Violet all the things that were wrong with him.

And no doubt she would be right about most of them.

He closed the door, then stood in front of it, not sure what to do next. He took off his hat, slicked back his hair, then slapped his hat back on while expelling a tight breath.

Both women sat quietly and watched him with rounded eyes. Hyacinth’s expression was no longer filled with hostility and instead held sadness. Violet also seemed resigned, as if she’d accepted the end of their relationship as they’d once known it.

“Listen, Violet.” He cracked his knuckles, then stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Hyacinth was right about everything. I was selfish and cowardly, and I only thought of myself instead of thinking of what was best for you.”

“I did the same,” Violet responded softly.

“You already apologized,” he said just as softly. “Now it’s my turn.”

She crossed her hands on the table in front of her. “As you said, I ran away from our wedding. I told you I didn’t love you. I tossed you out of my life.”

Yes, she’d done all that. But that was no excuse for letting so much hate embitter him, especially because he’d lost track of the fact that he wasn’t perfect either and had problems that had affected them too.

“If I’d really loved you, I would have cared about how you were feeling and would have taken the time to listen and understand instead of rushing you into something you weren’t ready for.”

“Oh, wow,” Violet whispered, tears turning her eyes glossy.

She obviously hadn’t expected him to confess his shortcomings. Why had it taken him so long to do so?

Hyacinth stood and stretched with a loud yawn. “I’m tired and going to bed.” She bent and placed a kiss on Violet’s head.

“Good night.” Violet gave her sister a wobbly smile.

Hyacinth cupped Violet’s cheek, stared at her for a long second—as though imparting strength—then turned and walked toward one of the bunk beds.

He sensed Hyacinth was doing her best to allow him and Violet some privacy, although she would still be able to hear every word of their conversation in the one-room cabin.

Even so, he appreciated her willingness to let them talk alone. She clearly cared enough for Violet that she wanted her sister to find some resolution in all that had happened.

A few moments later, when Hyacinth was motionless beneath her covers, Sterling cleared his throat and started his apology again. “I’m sorry for being selfish. I realize now that I entered our relationship looking at all the ways you could meet my needs, fit into my life, and make me happy.”

The words came more easily than he’d expected, maybe because on some level he’d already known he’d been selfish.

Whatever the case, he needed to do this, not just for her but for himself, so that he could find healing and release.

Ignoring the problem and trying to forget about Violet hadn’t helped him.

The bitterness had only festered and spread.

In real life, true healing never came from overlooking the physical wound. It came from doing the painful work of cleaning and treating and bandaging it. The same was clearly true of emotional wounds.

“I thought I knew what love was,” he continued. “But I realize now that I have a lot to learn.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Sterling.” She’d cocked her head and was studying him, as if seeing him for the first time.

Maybe this was a first—a first in the many lessons he still needed to learn, this one about humility.

After all, he had a hard time being humble, admitting he was wrong, and giving up his grudges.

He only had to think about how he’d almost ruined his relationship with Maverick and Hazel earlier in the year to be reminded just how stubborn he was.

“You’re a good man,” Violet said sincerely, “and you were good to me.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive—”

“I could have done things differently too. Much differently.”

“That’s kind of you to say.” She lowered her gaze to the table, which was a good thing because he never had been able to resist the pretty green of her eyes.

“But I’m realizing that with my father the way he is, I probably have a difficult time trusting in love.

He always claimed to love me, said he loved me.

But if he really did, how could he give me and Hyacinth up so easily? ”

Sterling hadn’t thought of the connection, but he supposed that made sense. What good did a profession of love serve if it wasn’t backed up with actions? Had he done the same thing to Violet—made declarations of love but then given her up?

“I’m sorry I was like your father.” After learning the truth about Mr. Berkley, he didn’t want to be anything like the fellow. “But I’m learning, and I hope to become a man who loves with actions first and words second.”

A small smile played upon her lips.

The stiffness in his muscles eased. “I’ll be a better man someday…and my future wife will have you to thank for it.”

Her smile faded. “Of course.”

He probably hadn’t needed to mention his future wife. But he didn’t want Violet to think he had plans to become a better man for her . Just because they’d apologized to each other and begun to make peace didn’t mean he had any intention of pursuing her again.

Once had been enough.

“So, will you tell me more about Maverick and Hazel?” she asked shyly, clearly changing the subject. “I’d love to hear how they got together.”

“It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got nowhere else to go.” She waved a hand at the room to make her point.

He hesitated.

Her smile dimmed even more, disappearing altogether. “You don’t have to—”

“I’ve got nowhere else to go either.” He tried to lighten his voice.

Talking to her hadn’t hurt him last night, and it wouldn’t hurt anything tonight either.

In fact, he was looking forward to sitting in the quiet of the cabin again and conversing with her.

Just like old acquaintances who were catching up with each other. That was all.