Page 49

F reddie didn’t speak as they left her parents’ house, or when they entered Glanmore House, or as he tugged her through the building and up the stairs to her room.

She thought he might say something when he firmly shut the door, but instead, he pulled her tightly into his arms and kissed her until she was breathless.

After an age, he lifted his head and asked, his words slurred, ‘Did you mean what you said?’

‘We have not said anything in a while.’ Her brain was muddled; that’s what Freddie did to her. ‘To what exactly are you referring?’

His lips tilted. ‘In your mother’s house.’

‘Oh yes.’ It had been difficult to say but she was glad that she had. ‘I think it would be better if I do not see her for a while. She makes me miserable.’

‘I agree, but that was not to what I was referring.’

‘Oh.’ Emily frowned. ‘Which bit did you mean?’

Slight pinkness touched his cheekbones. ‘The bit where you were singing my praises. I understand that you were defending yourself to your mother and I know that I have spent the better part of our acquaintance deliberately annoying you, but I was wondering whether… ’

‘Oh, Freddie.’ She brushed a lock of his hair from his forehead.

‘Everything I said about you was true. You seem to think of yourself as not clever, but in only six weeks, you have done so much work at Berferd. The garden is already a completely different place and I am excited to see your other plans come to life and I want to help in every way that I can.’

‘Of course,’ he said instantly.

‘You will let me do the accounts and read the contracts?’ Married women were not supposed to work, but she sensed that Freddie would not hold to such standards.

He lifted his head slightly. ‘You already do that, but if you want to carry on doing so for the rest of our lives together, you will make me a happy man.’

‘Thank you. I have always wanted to work.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Only you would say such a thing. I want what makes you happy.’ He lightly brushed his lips against hers but she hadn’t finished.

‘You are incredibly funny. Even when I thought you were the most annoying man in England, I could still see that, and since we have been married you have made me laugh every day.’ The next pass of his lips was firmer, but she still had more to say. ‘And you have been so very kind to me.’

He lifted his head, a slight frown on his forehead. ‘I have?’

‘You have. I love the bench.’

‘Ah.’ He began to trail his lips along her jaw. ‘I love the bench too; just think, if I had not thought to make it, I would not be able to do this.’ He began to press kisses all along her neckline, but she wouldn’t be distracted, no matter how much she might want to be.

She had promised herself that Freddie would know exactly how much she cherished him, that she did not want to change him, even if she was the odd person at every ball.

She would support whatever life he wanted to live, so long as she could be by his side at the times when he was happy to be quiet.

‘Also, you have been kind in marrying me. I know that I am not what you would have wanted but…’

His kisses stopped abruptly. ‘Kind! You think I married you because I am kind ?’

‘I am sure that was not the whole reason. We were caught in a rather delicate situation and you had no real choice. But you must have seen how desperate I was and…’

He muttered something darkly about her mother and then said, ‘I did not marry you out of kindness.’

He could deny it all he wanted, but she knew the truth of him. He was a decent soul who had rescued her from a terrible situation. ‘Last night, I heard some people talking. The rumours around the Ton are that you married me because I was already expecting your baby.’

His eyes widened, his grip around her waist tightening. ‘I shall call everyone out.’

She laughed. ‘See, you are very funny.’

‘I mean it,’ he growled. ‘How dare anyone suggest such a thing? Is that why you left early? You know you can always come and find me if you are upset. I would have stopped the orchestra and made an announcement.’

She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his mouth, but she could tell that he was too cross to respond.

She hadn’t meant to irritate him, only to explain.

If this marriage was to work, then she needed to be honest about what she wanted.

‘See. You are kind, Freddie. You are the best man I know but… I do not think I want to go to balls any more. I find them uncomfortable and awkward and they set me on edge.’ His forehead crinkled.

‘But I do not want to stop you from attending,’ she added hurriedly.

‘I know that you have lots of friends and I want you to carry on enjoying being around them. I th ought maybe we could arrange things between us so that we are both happy.’

He was quiet for a long moment and her toes curled in her boots.

She had laid all her cards out, well, not every card.

She had yet to tell him that she loved him.

She would. One day. When the stakes between them weren’t so high.

He was a good man and he deserved to know that he was loved, but she didn’t want him to feel pressure to say it back.

He cared deeply about her and that was enough.

‘I do not have any friends,’ he said eventually.

She almost laughed, but she could see that he was serious. ‘But you are always surrounded by people; you are all laughing and having a wonderful time,’ she protested. ‘People love you.’

He shrugged. ‘They like the man I pretend to be, but I have always had to put on a front. It will be a relief for me not to go to balls either. I can think of plenty of ways for us to entertain ourselves.’ He grinned and her heart kicked, even though she still couldn’t find it in herself to believe him.

She did not want him to give up things for her.

‘But…’

‘There are no buts,’ he said firmly. ‘I would rather sit by you as you read the duke’s entire library than ever go out to a ball again.’

She snorted. ‘That is not true.’

‘It is.’ His smile died, his eyes earnest. ‘Emily, until I married you, I was lonely. Everyone thinks they know me, the man with a quick joke and a ready smile, the man who was too lazy to pick up a newspaper, but they do not. Yes, I am popular at balls and other social occasions, but only because I pretend to be someone I am not. The person Society sees is the person I had to become in order to get through Eton. I realised early on that a friendly joker was more likely to get help than a scared little boy. It is not the way it should be, but there you are.’ He shrugged as if that wasn’t the most heartbreaking thing Emily had ever heard.

‘You are the only person to truly know me and I…’ He closed his eyes briefly.

When he opened them, emotion shone from them, a warmth that touched her heart.

‘Being with you, even if you are reading about some obscure Roman general who everyone else other than the author and you have forgotten about, is better than making polite conversation with strangers. If I have given you any cause to believe otherwise since our marriage began, then I am sorry.’

‘Oh, Freddie. I thought…’

‘What did you think?’

‘I do not know. Maybe that you were being compassionate.’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Trust me, I am not that much of a sap. In fact, it makes me question your intelligence that you would consider that for a moment.’ He winked and she felt her answering smile down to her toes.

She wanted to believe him, wanted more than anything to think that he felt the same way as she did about attending events populated by the Ton, but there was something holding her back. ‘Why do you go to balls if you do not enjoy them?’

‘I have always wanted to be liked. Attending, making people laugh, made me feel better about my inadequacies. Although…’ his eyes twinkled in the way that she adored ‘…there was often a lady at these events and I liked to poke at her. When she snapped back at me, it was the highlight of my day.’

The last of her doubts faded away. She knew how often he had sought her out.

She always thought it had been with the express purpose of irritating her, but now she knew him, those encounters took on a different light.

A conviction took over her, a belief so strong she could keep it in no longer. ‘You love me.’

Freddie glanced to the floor, then out of the window and then back to the floor. His silence went on for so long that she almost began to doubt herself. He cleared his throat and then did it again. ‘Yes,’ he said eventually, all amusement gone from his countenance. ‘I do. I love you.’

His ears turned red and Emily dug her fingers into his shoulders, stopping herself from pulling his lips to hers. She wasn’t above a little poking herself.

‘How long has this been going on?’

‘Er…’ he shuffled on his feet ‘…I want to say since we married, but that would be a lie.’ The redness was creeping across his skin, turning his cheeks a delightful shade of pink. ‘I believe I have loved you since the moment I first saw you when your family moved in next door.’

‘When we were children?’

He nodded slowly. ‘Yes. I mean, I could not pinpoint the exact day and time. But I do know that my young heart was desperate for your attention and when all I could get from you was a glare down your haughty nose at me, then that is what I aimed for.’

‘I do not have a haughty nose,’ she countered, the only thing she could think of in response to his dramatic revelation.

He raised an eyebrow, his lips curving mischievously. ‘I might not have gone about my courtship in the right way, but trust me when I say, it has always been you for me.’

Her whole world was rearranging itself. ‘I thought you thought I was boring.’

He frowned. ‘If I have ever given you cause to think that, then I deserve to be whipped.’

‘That is perhaps a little harsh.’