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A t the great ball, given to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of Miss Emily Hawkins and Frederick Dashworth, the newly proclaimed Earl of Blackmore, Emily hid.

She wasn’t proud of her behaviour. She was well aware that she was a coward, but if she had to listen to her mother introduce the engagement with the words, ‘My daughter and the Duke of Glanmore’s heir, Lord Frederick’, one more time, she would not be responsible for her actions.

It had taken all her willpower not to scream the last time it had happened and that’s when she’d known that, for everyone’s sake but mostly her own, she needed to take herself off somewhere quiet.

The ballroom itself was crushed with people.

No one wanted to miss a ball given to celebrate one of the Dashworth men marrying, especially as it meant the three other unattached brothers would be in attendance.

Mamas from across the Ton all seemed to be reasoning that now one had fallen, the rest would be quick to follow.

The Hawkins’ ballroom had been polished to such a high degree that wherever Emily turned she could see lots of tiny reflections of herself.

In each one she had the same expression, similar to someone being led to the hangman’s noose.

Every time she attempted a smile, she looked like a mourner at a grand funeral.

It was not a look to inspire joy and happiness and she could see that her demeanour was having an impact on Freddie, because whenever they were together his eyes were becoming tighter and less full of his normal joie de vivre.

They hadn’t married yet and she was already stripping him of the qualities that made him so beloved of the Ton.

She spotted her mother deep in conversation with one of her close confidants and promptly turned and squeezed her way through the crowds, murmuring apologies as she stepped on several toes.

Eventually, she popped out from the densely packed people at the far end of the room.

In the centre of the room, away from the dancers, Freddie was holding court surrounded by his many admirers.

She could not guess at what he was talking about, but it must have been amusing because every so often everyone laughed, their smiles never fading.

Goodness, how he was going to hate being married to her.

Nobody hung on her every word like they did with him.

A brief scan showed that no one was looking at her and so she turned and quickly escaped into the empty corridor.

She meant only to stand outside the door and breathe for a moment, but the deeper quietness of the rest of the house called to her.

She took several slow, tentative steps away from the noise until before she knew it she was turning round a dark corner and leaning against the cool wall.

From this distance, she could not hear her mother’s shrill voice or the relentless chatter of what felt like thousands of people all crammed into the ballroom.

She let her head fall back as the silence seeped into her bones.

At this event, and at every one since the engagement had been announced, her mother had put on a very convincing show.

Not a single person would doubt that Mrs Hawkins was anything but thrilled with the news that her youngest daughter was about to be aligned with one of the oldest dukedoms in Society.

Perhaps she was. It was a coup even if it wasn’t the coup of the season.

If Tobias didn’t marry and produce an heir, and with his lack of enjoyment of social events, it was a possibility, then Mrs Hawkins would be grandmother to a duke through Freddie and Emily’s children.

As it was she was going to be mother to a countess.

The Hawkins family may be old and illustrious, but they did not have a single title amongst them and Emily was the first person to bring one in.

It didn’t seem to matter that the title was not attached to land or that her mother would probably be long dead before her hypothetical grandson became a duke; she was still announcing the earldom far and wide.

Emily was fairly sure that Tobias’ death would be a cause of celebration for her mother, especially if the event could be managed within the next year or two, although Emily hoped her theory would never be put to the test. Not only did she not want Tobias, still a reasonably young man, to die, she also had no desire to become a duchess.

To rise to such an eminent title would mean hosting yet more balls and spending more time with people who weren’t interested in her as a person.

Enduring this would mean even more time away from reading books and that was not something to which Emily aspired.

At home, her mother treated the engagement very differently.

Although it had been two weeks since the incident in the garden, her mother’s fury had not dimmed.

At times, she appeared to vibrate with it; her disappointment in her youngest daughter’s behaviour was a living, breathing thing that seemed to take up rooms in the house.

Even Emily’s father had taken to spending more time in his study than ever.

Her sisters knew nothing of what had transpired, but they were aware that their mother was very unhappy and they were keeping away until the storm had passed.

Her mother allowed no time for Emily to spend with Freddie.

Perhaps she was afraid more damage would take place or maybe she guessed that Emily would try to talk him out of his offer of marriage, which was a legitimate worry because given half the chance, she would do it.

In the moments after he’d made his offer, Emily had been more distressed at the situation as a whole; it had not occurred to her to tell Freddie that he did not need to sacrifice himself for her.

Later, as she’d lain in bed, the knowledge that she could have done so had hit her hard.

Her mind had whirled from everything that had happened; the desperate way she had clung to Freddie as the leaves had swished and swayed above them; the dark horror of discovery; and the long, painful minutes in the duke’s study where she had felt like a discarded napkin.

It had all piled on top of her rendering her mute.

She hadn’t fought hard enough for her future, hadn’t defended herself from her mother’s onslaught.

As the darkness of her bedroom had pressed down on her, she’d known then that she should have spoken up; she should have saved Freddie from his offer.

She’d been the only one who could have done so, who could have refused.

She could have screamed or begged until someone had listened to her.

As the long, lonely hours of the night had ticked steadily onwards, she’d resolved to say something in the morning.

She’d drifted off just as the dawn light was trickling around the edges of the curtains and had slept the sleep of the exhausted.

By the time she’d made it down for breakfast, the day after the fateful meeting in the garden, her mother had already sent the engagement announcement to the Times .

By mid-afternoon callers were streaming into the house with their congratulations.

She’d been trapped and there was no going back, not unless she wanted to do some serious damage to her and Freddie’s reputations.

She understood why Freddie was going to marry her; he hadn’t really had any choice. The moment her mother had said that Emily was ruined, Freddie’s honour had been called into question and that was it; he’d had to offer her marriage and she had been too weak to protest .

It wasn’t fair on Freddie to be bound to her for the rest of his life. He was all fun and laughter and she was quiet and bookish. They were two pieces from very different jigsaw puzzles; they would never fit together no matter how many times they rearranged themselves.

The moment in the garden had been one full of glorious insanity.

For a wild, untamed moment, she had acted on instinct, she’d been daring and fun and had all but thrown herself at Freddie.

Even now, she could still feel the thrill of his mouth on hers and the way he’d pulled her body against his, as if he had wanted nothing more than to become one with her.

She had run her hands over his glorious skin and had shamelessly given herself over to the moment.

She was not normally like that. She was naturally cautious and quiet and her favourite thing to do was to stay at home with a book.

Gregarious Freddie would be deathly bored being married to her.

She’d wanted to tell him that, to let him know that she would not think badly of him if he broke their engagement, but now the world knew and she could not offer that release to him, not unless she wanted to face the humiliation of a broken engagement in front of the Ton.

And, as she’d already realised, she was too much of a coward to do that.

‘Why do I always find you hiding?’

She yelped at the unexpected voice.

‘Sorry,’ said Eloisa, not sounding at all apologetic. ‘I did not realise you were not aware of my approach.’

‘I am not hiding; I am merely taking a breather from all the excitement.’ Emily wasn’t sure why she was lying to her best friend.

They’d barely had time to speak over the last two weeks and she didn’t know how to tell Eloisa everything that was in her heart.

It was too much to even think about, let alone share .

‘That is much the same thing,’ Eloisa pointed out. ‘But I am very glad to find you alone. We’ve not had time to speak privately and there is so much I want to discover.’

‘What do you want to know?’ Emily hedged. She had always shared everything with Eloisa, but the shame she was experiencing at how everything had played out was not something she wanted to tell even her closest friend.