Page 31 of The Duke’s Spinster Bride (A Duke’s Game #2)

Chapter Thirty-One

“Y our Grace, there is a visitor here to see you.” A muffled voice sounded through the door.

Andrea frowned and glanced at the clock in her bedroom. It was almost midnight. Who on Earth would want to speak to me at this hour?

The sound of rain filled the air around her. For a wild moment, she thought the visitor might be her father, but that would be ridiculous. He would have no way of knowing she was here and more to the point, she doubted Charlotte would have permitted him into the house.

“Does her Grace know about this?” Andrea asked, tugging on a dressing gown and walking towards the door.

“Yes. She… She asked that I escort the visitor to the drawing room and let you know of his presence.”

Andrea’s brow furrowed. “Surely it can wait until the morning?”

“Does your Grace wish for me to tell the gentleman that you will not see him until the morning?”

Andrea thought she heard the sound of footsteps in the distance, but that made no sense. “Yes, I think that would be best. After all, I am not even properly dressed.”

“Of course your Gr- Sir, what are you doing? You cannot go in there –” the rest of the butler’s sentence was cut off as the door to Andrea’s bedroom burst open.

She leapt back as a familiar figure strode through, the butler hot on his heels. “Your Grace, I tried to tell him-”

Andrea held up a hand. “- Do not worry, Mr. Danvers, I know you did your best. My husband is a rather stubborn man.”

Frederick looked at her, his blue eyes flashing in the firelight. His hair was slicked across his head, rivulets of water running down his face. Droplets of water hit the floor around him, drowned out by the rain tapping against the glass of her window.

“You may leave us, I doubt the Duke will be staying long.” Andrea did not take her eyes from her husband’s face.

The butler swallowed, bowed to her and Frederick and then swept from the room. Andrea gripped the back of an armchair as she stared at her husband, using it to steady herself.

Her heart thundered in her chest, but her voice was strangely calm. “What are you doing here?”

He took a step towards her, but then stopped. “I needed to see you.”

“It is nearly midnight.” She gestured to the clock.

The distant boom of thunder shook the glass. She rolled her shoulders back, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. Why was he here? What did he want with her?

Her heart stirred within her chest, but she clamped down hard on it. She would not let it trick her with false hope. She already knew how that would end.

I knew this was a mistake. She repeated his words over and over in her head, trying to beat down her treacherous heart. She swallowed as he took another step towards her.

“I know. But this could not wait.” He gave himself a shake, sending droplets of water flying across the room. “I had already wasted too much time.”

Wasted too much time? She frowned at him, crossing her arms across her chest. “You are dripping on the carpet. Did you ride here in the rain?”

“Yes.” He shifted, moving so that he was no longer standing on the carpet, a puddle forming on the stone around him.

“Why?” She canted her head towards him.

“I needed to talk to you. To see you. I… I wanted to see how you were.” For a moment, she thought he was going to take her hand, but then he let his own hand drop, shaking his head as he took half a step towards him.

“I am fine.” She stiffened at the way he flinched from the coldness of her words. “If that is all, then feel free to leave.”

“It is not all. We need to talk, about what happened in London.” His eyes met hers for the briefest of moments before she looked away.

This was a mistake. His words hardened her resolve, building the wall around her heart. The wall that would keep her safe.

“There is nothing more to say.” She gestured towards the door turning away from him and heading back to the bed.“You have wasted a journey. No doubt Charlotte will have a guest bed made up for you. I suggest you make use of it and leave me in peace.”

She felt his fingers close around her arm, and looked up at him, jerking out of his grip as she did. “Please, Andrea, I need to speak to you.”

“Why? So you can accuse me of having one foot out the door again? So you can tell me how much you regret marrying me?” She glowered at him, her heart speeding up.

“I do not regret marrying you.” He stepped back, his eyes widening.

“Oh really? Because that is what it sounded like when you told me I was a mistake!” Andrea’s voice broke and she gripped the back of the sofa so tight, her knuckles turned white. “Or had you forgotten that?”

It took every ounce of her strength to keep from shaking, to keep the tears that threatened to spring forth from her eyes at bay.

“How could I forget that? That night has haunted me ever since I was stupid enough to let you walk out that door.” He moved towards her, but stopped himself when she took a step away from him.

Then why did you let me? She wanted to scream it at him, but bit the words back. “And what do you expect me to do with that? You think you can show up here in the dead of night, looking like a drowned rat and what? I will feel sorry for you? I will just roll over and take you back with no questions asked?”

She glared at him, her blood pounding through her veins, heart squeezing painfully as she closed her eyes.

She sensed him move closer to her. “No. I do not expect you to forgive me just like that. I know that I have hurt you.”

“You did.” She opened her eyes, but did not look at him, staring instead at the window.

Rain fell in rivulets down it, catching in the fire light. She took a shaky breath and looked back at Frederick, trying to fuel the flame of her anger with memories of their fight.

It was hard to do as he stood there looking utterly bedraggled. The sight made her even more irritated, even as her treacherous heart begged for her to hear him out. I cannot go down that road again, I may want children but… But that does not change what he said. It does not mean I can trust him .

“And there is no excusing it. But I cannot just let you walk away.” He reached for her hand but she moved out of his reach, wrapping her arms around herself.

“It is a bit late for that, Frederick. The door is already shut.” She jerked her head towards the door.

“Then I will find a window.” A ghost of his usual smile flitted across his face, fading as she glared at him. “I will do whatever it takes so that you know how truly sorry I am. If you want me to run naked down the streets, ringing a bell and proclaiming my shame before the ton, I will do it. If you want me to spend years searching for the perfect diamond I will do it.”

“It is not as easy as that.” This was a mistake. How was she supposed to trust him?

“I will get on my knees and beg. I will spend every day until the day I die, pleading for your forgiveness, regretting everything I said that night.” Frederick knelt before her as though he was illustrating his point.

“It does not matter. Words are just that. Words.” She would not go to him. She would not give into this display.

He reached a hand towards her, still kneeling, the faintest ghost of a smile on his face. “Then let me show you with actions.”

“Just stop it.” Andrea turned from him, hugging her arms around her so tightly she heard something pop.

“Andrea, please, just tell me what I need to-”

She cut him off. “- You are not listening! I do not want to forgive you. You broke my heart, Frederick. Trampled it and then let me leave.”

“I wanted you to sta-” Frederick was on his feet, his arms reaching for her but she danced away from him, refusing to let him finish the lie. “No you did not. Do not say it.”

“But it is the tru-” he tried to say but she would not hear it. “-just leave me alone.”

“Damn it, Andrea, just listen to me.” She felt him grab her upper arms and twist her to face him.

His blue eyes were nearly black in the fire light. Outside thunder boomed and lightning flashed. The sound nearly drowned out the rhythm of her heart as it hammered against her ribs.

“Why should I?” she breathed.

“Because I love you!” He shouted.

She jerked her head away from him, shaking herself. “You do not mean that. You cannot mean that.”

His fingers slid from her arms and he ran a hand through his wet hair. “Why not? Why do you doubt it?”

“You let me leave, Frederick. You told me I was a mistake and then you let me leave. How can you expect me to believe that you love me?” She chewed on her bottom lip. You broke my heart.

“Because it is the truth.” He stepped towards her, his hand over his heart. “I love you, Andrea. I love you so much that I feel like my heart will wring itself from my chest if it cannot beat in time with yours. I love you so much it scares me. No, it terrifies me.”

Her breath caught. Some part of her screamed at her to look away. But another part was desperate to believe him.

“When I said this was a mistake, I was not talking about loving you. I was not even speaking about being with you. I was talking about letting myself love you. I was speaking from a place of fear.” Frederick drew in a shaky breath, his eyes taking on a far away look. “I told you that my mother died when I was eleven. My father loved her more than anything else in this world.”

She saw his fingers clench into a fist. The memory of his fear when she had been thrown from the carriage filled her mind. Rain spattered against the window, and she felt herself reaching for his hand, stopping herself and curling it against her chest.

“The sound of his screams still haunts me. In the days after he found her body, he was like a dead man. His eyes were hollow. He stopped eating, barely spoke to me. Whenever he did, he would cry and hold me close, tell me that to love someone was to lose.” He let out a bitter laugh. “He made me believe that love would always end in pain. And I… I thought he was right.”

He met her gaze and Andrea saw the depth of pain in his eyes. It twisted in her heart like a knife. Her bottom lip trembled, but her legs were rooted to the spot.

“He is the reason I am so bright and airy with people. Whenever I tried to talk to him about my mother, whenever I was anything but happy and full of joy, he would send me away. He was the only parent I had left, and the thought of being alone… It terrified me.” Frederick’s shoulders sagged.

In that moment, she could see the small child that he had been. She could imagine a scared boy, who had just lost his mother, looking to his father for comfort and finding none. She could picture a child who was scared and alone, being pushed away unless he was happy. Her heart broke for him.

She took a step towards him.

“I thought it was love that destroyed him, Andrea. That was what he told me. But I was wrong.” He looked into her eyes, his gaze pinning her in place. “It was the absence of it.”

“What are you saying?” Her voice was little more than a whisper.

“I am saying that the thought of losing you is enough to drive me to despair. That a world without you in it seems like a world without colour.” He closed the distance between them, the smell of amber mingled with rain water. “That terrifies me, because who could survive that kind of pain?” He took a shaky breath. “But I am willing to risk it. For you.”

Andrea swallowed unsure what to say, but Frederick seemed undeterred. “I love you with every part of my body and soul, and I would rather risk being destroyed by that love, than spend another second apart from you.”

“But you said…”

“I know what I said. And I was an idiot.” He took her hand in his and held it to his chest. His skin was warm, even though it was slick with rain water. The warmth spread through her fingertips, travelling through her arm to her chest.

“My heart beats for you. And you alone.” He held her hand to his chest, the beat of his heart a steady rhythm against her fingers. “I am sorry for everything that I said. I do not expect you to forgive me, but I could not let you go. Not without a fight. I want you in my life, I want to grow old with you.”

“What about children?” Andrea forced herself to ask.

“I want to be with you. Whether or not you wish to have children with me.” Frederick gave her a small, sad smile. “I know I was unkind when you raised your concerns, it was just hard to think you did not want a child with me.”

“What?” Andrea’s eyes widened and she stepped away from him, her hand slipping from his chest.

“It is okay, really, Andrea, I understand. It is not like I have behaved in a way that would make you feel that I am worthy of fathering a child with you.” Frederick swallowed.

“Frederick, the reason I do not want a child is nothing to do with you.” She shook her head, fingers tapping against her thigh,

“What?” he gaped at her.

“I thought I did not want a child because… Because I thought I was unworthy of that kind of love, of your love. And because childbirth… It terrifies me.” Andrea felt a familiar vice squeeze her chest and rubbed at it absently. “My father told me I was the reason my mother died, that my birth ruined his life.”

“Your father is an idiot.” Frederick’s eyes darkened with menacing hate as he let out an angry growl.

“I know, but it does not change the fact that women die in childbirth all the time. It does not make the thought of it any less terrifying.” Andrea swallowed and took a step towards him. “But if you can be brave, then so can I.”

“What are you saying?” He canted his head towards her.

Andrea’s heart flipped over in her chest and she forced herself to look up into Frederick’s dark blue eyes. “I… I am terrified of childbirth, to the point that I convinced myself that I never wanted children. Yet… I keep thinking about baby with your blue eyes, a son who makes the world brighter with his laughter, just as you do.”

Andrea could feel her heart hammering against her chest, feel tears forming at the corner of her eyes. “I imagine the kindness you would teach our children, I can almost see the generous men and women they would grow into. And that terrifies me, even as I long for that future. But I… I am tired of being frightened. I want a family with you, Frederick though… it may take some time to get over my fear. That is, if you still want me.”

He pulled her to him, catching her chin in his fingers and tilting her head towards him. “Andrea, have you not listened to a word I have just said? I love you. What will it take to make you believe me?”

“Perhaps if you said it one more time.” She smiled at him, her eyes going to his lips.

They quirked into a smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Frederick.” She stroked a hand along his cheek, the stubble of his beard prickling against her skin. “Now kiss me.”

“With pleasure.” He laughed and closed the distance between them.

As soon as his lips touched hers, the world around them dropped away. He lifted her into the air, and she wrapped her fingers in his wet hair. She did not care that his clothes were dripping. She did not care that his beard was scratchy. All she wanted was to be in his arms and to kiss him.

She surrendered to the kiss. The blood in her veins turned to fire. Her heart tugged at her chest as though desperate to be with his. The warmth of him spread through her, the smell of his cologne filled her nose.

She could not tell if they had been kissing moments or hours when they finally broke apart. She pressed a kiss to his neck as she buried her face in his chest.

He stroked a hand through her hair, and she felt her shoulders unknot themselves at his touch.

“We really should get you out of these wet clothes.” She grinned up at him mischievously.

“I am sure that can be arranged. After all, we might as well practice before deciding to make a baby.” He grinned at her and she laughed, shaking her head as she playfully pushed him away.

“If you want to practice, then you will need to shave first. I do not care for your beard.” She wrinkled her nose as she ran a finger through the coarse hair on his face.

“Grandmother did tell me to shave.”

“A pity you did not listen to her.” Andrea laughed.

“Apparently.” Frederick chuckled. “I guess it is just more proof that I am a fool.”

“You are, but you are my fool.” She leaned against him.

“I like the sound of that.” He tilted her chin towards his face and kissed her again.

The rain stopped, and moonlight filled the room as Andrea lost herself in the warmth of her husband.

EPILOGUE

“Again, again!” a little boy with curly brown hair and startling green eyes cried, holding his hands out.

Andrea watched as Frederick gave a theatrical sigh, before scooping his little cousin into the air and throwing him. They were in the gardens of Caverton Castle, throwing the Dowager Duchess’s annual family party.

The grounds were full of the excited yells of children and adults alike. The smell of freshly cooked food drifted towards Andrea as she inhaled deeply.

She felt a tug on her skirt and looked down to see a small girl with blonde hair and blue eyes looking up at her. Andrea recognised her as one of the children of some of Frederick’s extended cousins, though as she glanced around, she could see no sign of the child’s parents.

“Will you play with me?” The girl’s bottom lip trembled. “The others say I cannot play with them.”

“Of course I will, but why do the others say you cannot play with them?” Andrea frowned around them, a protective urge stealing over her that she fought to hide lest she scare the child.

“Because I am too little. But Tommy is littler than me and John is even littler than Tommy.” The girl pouted and then added in a whisper that was just as loud as her normal speech. “I think it is because I am a girl.”

Andrea knelt beside the girl, and took her small hands in her own. “Well, that seems rather unfair.”

The girl nodded emphatically, clutching the doll tightly to her chest. “That is what I said.”

The hair on the back of Andrea’s neck stood on end, and she glanced up to see Frederick watching her from a distance. His eyebrow was raised and he had a small boy clambering over his shoulders. Their eyes met and he tilted his head towards her in question, already taking a half step towards her.

Andrea subtly shook her head, holding up a finger to him to indicate he should wait as she talked to the small girl. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him stiffen but he did not come towards them.

Her heart sped up as she turned back towards the child who was now twisting from side to side, a hopeful smile on her face.

“What is your name?” Andrea knelt down beside her, keeping her voice cheery and light, as she had heard Frederick do countless times before.

“Tiffany Stapleton.” The girl replied.

Andrea ran through a list of names in her mind, trying to work out which of Frederick’s numerous relations were the girl’s parents. “Is your father the Earl of Windthorpe?”

Tiffany nodded, her eyes bright with excitement. Andrea looked back up at Frederick who was playing with the other children, but she could tell by his posture that he was still watching her.

“Well, Tiffany. What would you like to play?” Andrea asked.

The girl paused with her thumb halfway to her mouth, her eyes scrunched up as she thought. “Do you know foxes and hounds?”

“I think so. One team is foxes and one team is hounds, and the hounds have to try and catch the foxes?” Andrea’s own brow creased as she tried to remember the specifics of the game. “And there is a den the foxes must reach and if they do that without being caught by the hounds, the foxes win.”

“Yes!” Tiffany clapped her hands together and did an excited spin as she yelled. “I’ll be the fox!”

Andrea nodded and stood up, noticing that several of the children who were playing with Frederick looked over at Tiffany’s exclamation, and a few of the girls who were playing quietly nearby did as well. One of the girls, a six year old who Andrea recognised as Elizabeth, one of the children of Frederick’s other cousins, stood up and walked over to them.

“Are you playing foxes and hounds?” Elizabeth asked.

Andrea could see the boys with Frederick watching them intently. She kept the smile from her face as she turned to answer Elizabeth.

“Yes.” Andrea gestured to herself and Tiffany who had ducked behind her skirts and was peering out from behind her at Elizabeth.

“May we play too?” Elizabeth asked, gesturing at the two younger girls who had padded over to them as well.

Andrea glanced at Tiffany who was still holding onto her skirts, a thumb in her mouth. “What do you think Tiffany? It might be fun to have more people in the game.”

“Will I still get to be a fox?” Tiffany asked, peering at Elizabeth suspiciously.

“Of course.” Andrea looked at the three newcomers. “Would one of you like to join me as a hound?”

“I will.” The smallest girl raised her hand in the air, jumping with excitement. “I am really fast.”

“Not as fast as me.” The other girl said, pointing to her chest. “Mama says that I am the fastest.”

“No, she does not, Elspeth.” The first girl frowned at the other, who was clearly her sister.

Elspeth sighed and looked at her sister, hands on her hips as she shook her head. “Yes, she does, Emma.”

“Does not.” Emma scowled at her sister.

“Does.”

“Does not.”

“I am sure you are both much faster than I am.” Andrea hastily stepped between the two children, hoping it would keep the two sisters from devolving into an all-out fight.

“Probably. But that is okay. I can help you catch everyone.” Emma patted Andrea’s hands soothingly as she looked her up and down.

“Thank you.” Andrea smiled at the girl and felt her shoulders relax. “Shall we give them until the count of ten?”

The other girls eyes widened as Emma nodded at Andrea. “You have to close your eyes!” Elizabeth pointed at them.

Andrea nodded and closed her eyes, placing a hand in front of her face for good measure. “One!”

The sound of giggles and shrieking filled the air. She heard small feet scampering away and felt Emma slip a hand into hers.

“Two!” they said together.

When they reached ten, they opened their eyes, and Andrea spotted one of the girls hiding by the table. Quietly gesturing to Emma, she made an exaggerated show of creeping towards the giggling Tiffany.

As they drew close to her, Emma let out a delighted woop and dove for Tiffany who sprinted away. Emma gave chase, and Andrea followed after them, keeping an eye out for the other two foxes. Her heart pounded, and she had to lift her skirts to keep up with the children.

What I would not give for lighter fabrics, these are really not the best skirts for chasing small children in. Over the next hour, she chased the girls around the garden, all of them laughing and giggling in delight.

“We win!” Elizabeth clapped her hands together as the final fox arrived at the foxes’ den (the willow tree by the maze).

Andrea’s cheeks were flushed, and she was panting, sweat beading down her face. “Indeed.”

“Shall we play again?” Tiffany’s eyes were full of hope.

Andrea dabbed at her brow with a handkerchief, trying to think of something to say as she clutched a stitch in her side.

“I hear you lot are playing foxes and hounds, do you think we might join you?” Frederick appeared beside, her looping an arm around her as she caught her breath, he muttered, too softly for anyone else to hear. “The boys were getting rather jealous that the others had convinced you to play with them.”

“Am I truly in such demand?” Andrea whispered back.

Frederick shrugged, his eyes glittering mischeviously. “Of course, if you are too tired for another round, I am sure we can think of something else to do.”

“And let you have all the fun?” she laughed.

The girls were watching the boys apprehensively, looking between Andrea and the newcomers. Andrea swallowed and looked at the gathered children.

“Can we play too?” A young boy asked.

“That depends.” Andrea knelt down in front of him. “If we let you play with us now, will you let the girls join in when they ask?”

The boys eyes widened and he looked down at the ground sheepishly. A taller boy spoke up. “Everyone knows girls are slower than boys.”

“We are not!” Elizabeth glared at the boy.

“You are. That’s why you are too scared to let us play with you.”

“You said I could not play with you!” Tiffany pointed at the boy.

“Well, there is an easy enough way to settle this.” Andrea stepped between the two factions of children. “We shall play two games. The first game, the boys will be the hounds and the second the girls will be.”

The children nodded excitedly. Frederick arched an eyebrow at her as the boys began to count. Andrea ran, watching as the rest of the girls scattered.

The sound of laughter and excited yells mingled with the raucous conversation between adults. She was hiding behind a bush, when she felt strong arms wrap themselves around her and lift her into the air.

She let out a startled yelp as the smell of amber washed over her and she turned to find Frederick grinning at her. “And look what I have caught.”

“Put me down, you fool.” Andrea half-heartedly batted at him, supressing a giggle.

“I rather like having you in my arms.” Frederick’s eyes darkened and Andrea’s heart tumbled in her chest. “But if you insist.”

He put her gently on the ground, but kept his arms around her. She shook her head as she leaned against his chest. “How long have you been waiting to say that?”

“A while.” His voice reverberated in his chest. “In truth, a part of the reason I suggested the children all play together was because I wanted a moment alone with you.”

“Oh?” Andrea looked up at him, leaning back in his arms. “And are you so desperate for my company that it could not wait until we were home?”

He let out a chuckle but then his eyes became serious. “In truth, I wanted to see how you were doing. It was nice to see you playing with the girls, but I… I know that you do not always find such things easy and though you told me to stay away, I did not want you to be overwhelmed.”

“You are rambling.” Andrea shook her head. “But it is a rather sweet ramble. And I was not overwhelmed. It was actually… It is nice, it felt… Well it felt right. I have always marvelled at your way with children, you would be such a good father.”

Frederick stiffened at her words, his smile faltering slightly before he shook his head and shrugged. “I like being a fun uncle. All the perks of children and very little of the hard work.”

Andrea gently pushed him. “You promised to be honest with me, remember?”

Frederick swallowed and ran a hand through his hair, leaving it sticking up at odd angles. “I know, but… I do not want you to feel pressured.”

“Do you want to be a father?” Andrea tried to catch his eye but he was looking off into the distance.

He sighed and turned to her. “I do. But, it does not matter. It is more-”

She cut him off. “- I want that too… I… I think I am ready to start a family.”

“What?” Frederick gaped at her. But she could see the hope in his eyes.

Her heart sped up and she nodded. “I am still scared but… But the more time I spend with you, and the children in your family. The more my heart aches for us to have one of our own.”

“And you do not feel I have pressured you? I do not want you to do this for me, if it is not what you want as well.”

“You have been nothing but kind and patient. As you always are. You and I both know that if you had even tried to convince me to do something I did not want, I would have bitten your head off. Do you really think you could somehow convince me to carry your child if I did not want to?”

“Well, when you say it like that…”

“So… Are you ready to start a family?” She draped her arms around his neck, flashing him a mischievous smile.

His eyes darkened even as his cheeks flushed red. “We are at a family event, Duchess.”

Andrea rolled her eyes at him, feeling her own cheeks redden. “You know very well I did not mean this minute.”

“A pity.” He grinned, and laughed when she thumped him lightly on his shoulder.

“Be serious for one moment.” Andrea chided.

“Very well.” He cupped her chin in his hands. “I would like nothing more than to start a family with you, Andrea Felton.”

“Good.” She nodded. “Now kiss me.”

“With pleasure.” Frederick pressed his lips to hers, and lifted her into the air, spinning her wildly.

They broke apart, laughing and returned to the games, ready to start their next adventure.

The End?