Page 90 of The Destruction You Desire

"Uh…" I hesitate, unable to lie to him.

"Let me buy you dinner. Just downstairs. Nothing crazy but we need to talk, don't you think?"

"Luca, I—"

"Please."

Unable to say no to him, I push to stand, grabbing my purse from the floor.

"I'll be back soon, Lib," I say to my sister, even though she's out cold, exhausted from our journey and the stress of the day.

I follow Luca out of the ward and we ride the elevator to the ground floor side by side, tension crackling between us but we remain in silence.

The kitchen has already closed for the night, so we end up in the coffee shop with sandwiches, chips, and cake, which is fine by me.

"Here, I got you an extra shot," he says, passing my coffee over as he joins me at the table in front of the window. I could have chosen to sit at the one in the shadows at the back but I didn't think that was a particularly good idea.

"How are you doing?"

I shrug. "Honestly, it's been tough."

"I'm glad you're both back."

"Me too. It'll be easier having Aunt Fee to share the visits with."

He studies me for a beat. I know what he's seeing, I'm shocked every time I look in a mirror.

"Eat, P. You look like you need it."

I do as I'm told, picking at my sandwich but with the tension surrounding us, it's hard to stomach anything.

"I'm glad you're back. I missed you," he says quietly.

"Really?" I ask curiously.

"P, don't do that," he warns, his voice low and dangerous in a way that makes tingles erupt from my lower belly. "Don't think that because I stopped messaging and calling that I don't care."

Guilt floods me at the broken look on his face.

"I-I'm sorry I made you leave like that."

"Why did you?" he asks, sitting forward as if he doesn't already know the answer.

"You know why, Luc," I whisper, stuffing a chip into my mouth because right now, eating seems like the lesser of two evils.

"See, that's the thing. I don't think I do. I know it's my fault, but it's like you keep pulling the rug from under me. I don't know which way is fucking up right now. One minute you need me, the next you're sending me away."

"Some might say that's karma."

"Yeah, and they'd probably be right," he admits. "So?"

I take a deep breath and stare down at the table. "You mess with my head, Luc. Being with you again, it's like no time has passed. When it's just the two of us, no bullshit, I feel like I'm fifteen again and with my best friend. But then reality kicks in and I remember that's not who we are anymore. I remember that I can't hand myself over to you anymore because I don't trust you not to rip me apart again."

"Pey—"

"No, Luca. You don't get to sweet talk your way out of this." I sigh, risking a glance at him, and immediately regretting it when I see the pain written all over his face. "Those first two days in Atlanta were awful, but having you there by my side, holding my hand, being just what I needed, it was everything, Luc. But I can't rely on that. What happens when shit gets hard again, are you just going to walk away because you can't deal?"

"No, I'd never—"