Page 18 of The Alpha’s Rejected Arranged Mate (Bluebell Valley Wolves #3)

Finn’s heart slammed into his ribs, over and over again, as though it was trying to break his bones. He searched Elin’s face, but all he could see was that soft determination he’d come to expect from her. And pain. Not for herself but because of what she was putting him through. Forgive me , her eyes begged.

Forgive her? If anyone should be begging for forgiveness, it should be his. He should have been smarter than to think that he could just pull out. Why had he been so careless?

Finally, Finn managed to unstick his jaw. “I don’t want to be the reason you die.”

Elin winced. She took a deep breath and shook her head. “It’s not, though.”

“I’m the one that did this to you!”

“Finn, stop.” Elin took his hand and kissed his palm. She held his hand to her chest, clutched in both hands. “Stop. You didn’t do anything to me. It’s just circumstances and biology. I’m sorry that I’m putting you through this. But you aren’t responsible for my choices. The pregnancy might be accidental, but my decision to keep it and see it through isn’t.”

It took Finn a moment to understand what she was saying. She was telling him not to blame himself when she had the opportunity to make a different choice. He found himself wondering why she would do it. How could she feel so strongly about something that wasn’t real that she’d risk her life? She didn’t have a baby in her arms. She might never have because of this pregnancy.

“Elin—”

“It’s my choice,” she whispered.

Finn leaned back. It was. And as much as he wished she would make another choice, he couldn’t order her. He couldn’t take that decision away from her. That’s what demons did. He passed a hand over his eyes, breathing deeply. His wolf was quiet in his chest, torn between wanting to celebrate their mate's pregnancy and fearing what that pregnancy meant.

Traitor, Finn growled to his wolf. How can you be excited about a pregnancy at all?

Elin reached for his other hand, holding both of them in hers. “I’m sorry that I’m hurting you.”

It was ironic that she was the one comforting him in this situation. Finn let out a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. His body was still tense, but he wasn’t going to let himself dwell in the panic. If Elin wasn’t going to change her mind, what could they do?

“I’m going to find a way to help you,” he promised, squeezing her hands.

“Finn, I don’t want—”

He touched her lips, cutting her off. “There has to be some sort of ritual we can do to slow the progression of the pregnancy. Right now, that’s our biggest concern. Reducing the physical toll this will have on your body. Maybe more talismans…”

Elin’s eyebrows pinched together. “Is there a demon influence around me?”

Finn narrowed his eyes as he studied her. “No,” he admitted. “But the talismans are worth a try.”

“You’re right,” Elin agreed. “And I’ll ask Mica if there’s anything in the ancient texts related to our situation. There’s got to be a reason why these pregnancies go so much faster than normal. Maybe there’s… I don’t know, prenatal vitamins that will help?”

“Christine might be able to give you an IV to keep up your nutrients,” Finn said, thinking about saline and morphine. “Are you in any pain?”

Elin shook her head. “Just hungry.”

Finn laughed at the unexpected, sheepish way she said it. He squeezed her hands, fighting the urge to kiss her. It was especially important now that he stuck to their boundaries and didn’t give her false hope that he was changing his mind.

“Thank you.”

He was pulled out of his thoughts as Elin wrapped her arms around him, tugging him into a firm hug. Finn hugged her back, quiet. His wolf wagged its tail, enjoying the feel of her body so close to his. Great. Even though it was the worst possible scenario they found themselves in, his wolf was still horny as fuck. Was that something about the demon side of him? Or was it the wolf’s instinct? Sometimes, he had a hard time knowing.

“Thank you for what?” he asked, a bit rougher than intended.

Elin released him. “For respecting my choice.”

Finn looked away. “Just because I’m not fighting you doesn’t mean I accept it.”

“I know. And that’s okay. But I want you to know that I understand that you made the choice not to be a father. That doesn’t have to change.” Her voice grew softer until it was little more than a whisper.

“What do you mean?” Finn asked. Though his heart thudded again, and he wanted to lash out with his words, they came out nothing more than a whisper.

Elin bit her lip and looked away, then seemed to scold herself. She met his eyes again, her clear brown eyes steady. “You don’t have to be part of our lives. You won’t have responsibilities as far as the baby and I are concerned. Once they’re born, I’ll move back to Bluebell Valley. I won’t force fatherhood on you.”

“It’ll still be my baby. My blood,” Finn said. His blood seemed to gush in his ears. “I can’t in good conscience not be a part of supporting you. Or leaving it to grow up figuring out all the demon stuff on its own.”

“They’ll have me, Mica, Tess, and the rest of the pack. You can decide how… involved you want to be.” Elin let out a shuddering breath. “But I won’t raise my baby with someone who didn’t want to be a father. I don’t want you to resent us.”

Finn couldn’t answer that. If he was honest, it was probably the best thing for both Elin and the baby. He didn’t know how to be a father. He’d probably mess the whole thing up. Having a distant father who was little more than a sperm donor was better than having a father who hated you. Right?

But what if she dies? A small voice at the back of his mind asked. What if I lose her?

Whatever calm had come over him disappeared again. If she died, it was because he was careless. It didn’t matter how much she talked about choices and the consequences, being ones she accepted. It shouldn’t have gotten to this point in the first place. She never should have had to make the choice, and now that she had…

The thought made his wolf howl, all traces of celebration evaporating. He wanted to scream as the emotion bubbled through him.

But the last thing she needed right now was to handle his emotions as well as her own. So he cupped her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her lips lightly.

Elin’s eyes fluttered shut as she lifted her face to his, inviting him to deepen the kiss. Part of him wondered if it was wise to keep going or if he really did need to keep the boundaries in place. On the other hand, what good were boundaries if she felt like she was facing all this alone? Stress about how she was going to raise a baby as a single mother would surely be determinantal to her health.

It was too soon for him to say it, though. She wouldn’t believe he meant it.

“I need you to stay strong,” he told her instead. “I care about you, Elin. It’s not just lust. You’re a good person, and I care. Just… just know that, okay?”

She held his wrist, rubbing her thumb across his pulse point as she stared into his eyes. Silently, she nodded.

Finn kissed her forehead and reluctantly broke away from her. He didn’t want to leave her, but there was nothing left for him to do. He needed to find out more so that he could help Elin through this. Christine waited in the hallway. Her eyes sharpened on his face, and she opened her mouth, but he held up his hand.

“Please look after Elin. Whatever medication she needs, get it. Use my personal bank account if you have to. I’m going to talk with the rogues. If anyone knows how to get more information on demons, it’s the ones that have been serving an archdemon.”

Christine studied him, then slowly nodded. “Be careful, Finn. For all we know, Dukiel could be setting a trap to lure you to him.”

“Right,” Finn muttered, hardly listening. Dukiel couldn’t have planned for this, for Elin to get pregnant. But he would use it against them as soon as he found out.

***

The rogue woman who had confronted them at the orphanage looked warily at Finn when he and Derek entered her cell. It was a cramped space, but she appeared to have recently showered, and an empty plate was on the bench near her. Good. They were being taken care of, as Finn had ordered.

The rogue got to her feet, eyeing him warily. “Alpha Finn.”

“What are Dukiel’s plans?” Finn asked without preamble. “What did he tell you to do?”

“He… ordered us to cause chaos. Sew strife between humans and wolves wherever we could. He didn’t explain himself to us,” she continued. “But it’s fairly obvious he was hoping to weaken ties. Make the packs more isolated and therefore more easily overpowered.”

That sounded like a demon. “Anything else?”

The rogue hesitated. “Like what?”

“Like, where is he staying? Any favorite places to camp?” Finn asked.

“He doesn’t camp. It’s beneath him,” the woman said. The derision was clear in her voice.

Finn narrowed his eyes as he viewed her. Would an archdemon allow such obvious disrespect in his ranks? Or were the rogues themselves beneath him, so long as they did what he said? There was a reason these rogues gave themselves up. Whether they were truly disillusioned with their lord and master or it was a trap, he didn’t know.

In either case, they could tell him where to find the archdemon.

“Where is he?” Finn asked, his voice low and rumbling.

The woman flinched back from him. “There’s a palace in the mountains. He had us build it, and when it was finished, he had us cover the rooftop with dirt and plant trees so it wouldn’t be visible from the air. I can show you where it is on a map. When he’s not ordering us around, he’s in there. Writing, I think. I saw him with a book once, but it was in a language I don’t know.”

Finn studied the rogue, trying to get a sense of whether she was lying or not. The demon influence around her had weakened since he’d had them brought here. It was wisps of red fog rather than a thick red glow around her.

Again, he wasn’t sure how to take it.

“We’re supposed to believe that a demon is writing poetry?” Derek growled, unconvinced.

The woman shook her head. “Sometimes when he talks about… about where he comes from, he rants about being cast out. I think he’s writing his history. At least, his version of it. It seems to me that the thing he fears most is being forgotten. But I can’t say for certain. It’s not like he shares anything with us.”

Finn grunted. He left the cell, letting the door clang on his way out. Derek hurried after him, a furrow on his forehead.

“You’re not going to just take her word for it, are you?” Derek asked, his voice low.

“I don’t know. If this library of Dukiel’s writing is real, it might contain the information we want. How do demons get here? Where do they really come from? How do we stop them.” His hands clenched as the biggest question of all reared in his mind.

As much as he hated it, only one source he could think of could give him the information to save Elin. And that was Dukiel—the archdemon himself.

His father.