Page 11 of The Alpha’s Rejected Arranged Mate (Bluebell Valley Wolves #3)

Finn’s thumb rubbed her skin as though touching the most delicate flower. Elin had always been jealous of women who had those distinctive hollows above their collarbones. Whether it was because of her weight or just because of how she was built, she’d never had them. But the way Finn touched her told her he didn’t see any lack in her.

Her heart started to race. Idly, she wondered how much she’d been feeling her heart lately. So often, when she felt it beating, anxiety would well in her, the fear of something being wrong with her taking precedence. When she was with Finn, though, the only thing she could feel was pure lust. She wanted him to keep touching her. Wanted him to rip off her clothes and—

He snatched his hand back suddenly as though the heat building in her core had burned him. “I’m sorry. We’ve pushed our luck too far already.”

Elin stepped back, feeling as though the world was pitching beneath her. She’d been so lost in the clouds of sensation that the sudden loss of his touch made her feel like she’d plummeted into an icy dark lake.

“You’re sorry,” she repeated. “For what?”

She knew, of course. But she needed to hear it.

Finn ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. “I was selfish by demanding you pretend to be my mate. I was so wrapped up in my anger toward Seth I didn’t stop to think. I shouldn’t have challenged him. I shouldn’t have put you in the position to play this role. It’s all been extremely selfish of me.”

Elin bit back a sigh. This was what she’d been expecting. It was a pattern she’d started to see. It was one step forward, and then all the walls came back up.

“It’s unfair to you to be trapped here. I know you joined this mission to get away from me. And instead, you’re here, not only forced to interact with me but forced to pretend to be my mate.”

We are mates. Even if it’s just an arranged mating. We had the ceremony. We’re mates. Could she say it without her voice shaking? He’d take it as his fault if there were any signs of distress from her. She wished she could tell him not to take her emotions so personally…

“That’s not to say you aren’t handling it well,” Finn babbled. “I promise you’ll be free soon.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Elin mumbled.

“I do. I forced you into this situation.”

Elin shook her head, turning back to her cooking. “I’m the one that insisted we have the ceremony, remember? And believe me when I say I’m more than happy to engage in the mating part of being mates.”

Finn sighed. “You know what I mean.”

She did. Elin repressed a sigh. Best to just let it slide. With her emotions still bubbling up, she couldn’t express herself properly, anyway… but then, was this the best time to do this? The image of Mica and Hayden flashed through her mind, followed swiftly by Tess and Ryder.

Both Mica and Tess had been rejected by their mates. Yes, the circumstances had been different. They’d been rejected as teenagers, not just a few weeks ago. Neither Hayden nor Ryder had been insistent that they would never have a mate because of the potential danger it posed. So Elin couldn’t expect the same results. But Mica and Tess only got their happy endings because they were honest with their mates.

“I’m sorry,” Finn said again. “I’ll leave you to—”

“Wait.” Elin turned the burners down low, not looking at him. “Just wait.”

He did, and the silence ticked by.

What should she say? Blurting out her feelings wasn’t going to help. No, it would make him feel more guilty. So what…? Finally, she sighed. “It’s difficult for me to express myself the way I want to. It’s easy to be misunderstood. I’m just trying to figure out how to say what I want to say.”

“Okay?” Finn said, sounding slightly nervous.

Elin turned back to him. “Why did you pick me? If all you needed was a pretend mate, why not Christine?”

Finn wrinkled his nose. “That’s essentially asking why I didn’t ask my sister to pretend to be my mate.”

Okay, that was fair enough. “But if another woman had been present, would you have asked her?”

“I think I understand. I’m sending you mixed signals. I’m saying we can’t be mates, that we can’t even fuck, and just an hour later we’re fucking.” Finn shook his head, self-disgust clear on his face. “I won’t keep doing that. No more sex.”

Elin threw her hands into the air. “That’s not what I meant at all!”

“I…” Finn sucked in a deep breath. “All right. So what do you mean?”

“I mean that you care about me. I know you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t apologize for what you think you’ve done,” she said, speaking rapidly. “You care about me. You care about Christine and Derek, and you even care about this pack!”

Finn’s eyebrows shot upward, disappearing under the hair flopped over his forehead. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Because you’re apologizing to me for using me for sex. Which is not what happened,” she said, marching over to him. “We are mates. This isn’t pretend. Maybe it’s not what you wanted, and it sure as hell isn’t how I wanted to become your mate, but we are mates. This is real. Even if you plan to break the mating afterward. I love it when we have sex. I won’t accept a sexless mating. So if you’re saying that we can’t have sex again, then we are going to break this mating right now.”

“You want to break the mating?” Alarm flashed over his face.

Elin shook her head, huffing. “No. What I’m saying is that I want to keep having sex, Finn. Regardless of the circumstances. Regardless of what’s going to happen next. If you need sex to relax you, or to distract you, or anything else. I’m here. I want you to come to me. If you’re using me for sex, then I’m using you for sex, and we can at least agree that we enjoy it. Right?”

Finn studied her, his eyebrows slowly lowering. “You mean that, don’t you?”

Elin nodded, holding her breath.

A slow smile crept over his face. “Well. I didn’t want to stop fucking, either.”

Her breath escaped her in a noisy exhale that mingled with a laugh. Elin’s shoulders slumped in relief as she smiled at Finn. It wasn’t a promise or anything that would assure she’d be happy. But it was an agreement, a moment of connection. And right now, she was going to take whatever she got. It was enough.

“We’ll have to be careful,” Finn continued. “I don’t want a repeat of what happened yesterday.”

Meaning that strangely charged way they’d had sex, the way he’d been worried all the time and had pulled out at the last moment. Elin didn’t want that, either. The difference is that Finn wanted to ensure she wouldn’t get pregnant, whereas she didn’t want anything to come between them.

“I’m going to be your Luna for quite a while. If you really don’t want kids—”

“I don’t.”

Elin gave him a hard look. “What I mean is, it’ll be more expedient if you get a vasectomy. I don’t like the way birth control affects me, and condoms break.”

Finn winced. No doubt he was thinking of the time several weeks ago when they’d had a mishap. One of the condoms split apart when he first put it on. Luckily, it had happened before anything happened, but it was proof they weren’t foolproof.

“I’ve had the procedure done before,” he said. “It didn’t take. Wolves usually don’t go in for that sort of surgery, and I couldn’t find a doctor who would do more… permanent measures.”

What did that mean? “You mean like castration?”

Finn laughed. “No, I mean, I went in for a reversible one, and I haven’t found a doctor that would give me a permanent one. So, it brings me back to my original point. We have to be careful.” He pulled her into his arms and smirked, making her pulse race. “But we can discuss the logistics of long-term birth control later. I had Derek pick up a box when he was in town.”

“Even though you said we weren’t going to have sex again?” Elin challenged.

“I can’t resist you,” Finn answered simply.

Oh, he knew exactly what to say. Elin melted against him, sighing in relief. Her wolf sighed, too. It had been oddly still in her chest this entire time, as though terrified Finn was going to leave her.

“Do you really want me, Finn? Or am I a distraction?” Elin shook her head as she smoothed her fingers over his collar. “I don’t care either way. I just want to know.”

Finn kissed her. Not much of an answer but Elin didn’t care about that, either. He was here, warm and solid against her. Her eyes slid shut as he deepened the kiss.

Someone clearing their throat interrupted them.

Elin groaned as she pulled away, glaring over Finn’s shoulder. Christine stood in the doorway, a sly smirk on her face.

“Sorry,” she said. “But Seth and Rosemary are here. They want to talk with you.”