Page 58 of Tell Me Your Desires

Chapter Thirty

What the fuck did you get yourself into?!

Jaime lay as still as she possibly could, the bright lights of the hospital room leaving her with the inability to open her eyes just yet.

Fuck, she felt dreadful. The silence felt good, though.

The silence gave her the opportunity to process what had happened.

It was pretty straightforward as to what had happened.

Jaime had gotten herself shot. But maybe that would lead to a breakthrough in the case.

She didn’t know how just yet, the killer was good at covering their tracks, but surely putting her life on the line would come to… something?

She swallowed repeatedly, coughing when she realized just how dry her throat was.

At least you’re alive, you fucking idiot!

Jaime cracked one eye open, closing it immediately when the light hit her.

“Fuck. Someone turn the lights off!” She turned her head away, the searing pain from her sudden movement a reminder that she was in a rough state right now.

It would pass, it had to, but it probably wouldn’t be quick enough for Jaime.

Things rarely did move at her preferred pace… healing included.

“Y-you’re awake.”

Jaime felt a calmness work through her at the sound of Max’s voice. His low register would always soothe her in a way she would never understand. He was her partner, and even now, as she had clearly fucked up, he was still by her side. “Good to hear your voice.”

Jaime managed to shift ever so slightly and meet Max’s gaze.

She took the glass of water from the nearby table and sipped, her heart heavy as she watched Max over the rim of the glass.

He had tears in his eyes—an emotion she didn’t recognize from him—and his hands were balled into fists beneath his chin.

“I’m sorry, Baros.”

Jaime’s brows drew together. What was he apologizing for?

She sat up a little more and looked around the room. Anya… wasn’t there.

Jaime’s heart fell into her stomach. Max was upset, and Anya wasn’t in the room. “I…y-you…” Her bottom lip quivered. “Is she dead, Max?” Jaime tried to climb from the bed only to be stopped by Max. “Nah. Move. I need to know the truth. Is she dead?”

Max shook his head and placed his hands gently on Jaime’s shoulders. “Baros, she’s fine. I promise you. Anya wasn’t caught up in what happened.”

Jaimes instantly relaxed her shoulders. She could feel that sudden rush of adrenaline wearing off, and now she ached again. “Then what’s going on? Why are you upset?”

“Get back into bed. You need to rest.” He helped Jaime’s legs back into the position they’d originally been in. “How are you feeling?”

Jaime scoffed. “Like I got shot.”

“Yeah, uh… this is on me. Fully.” Max took a step back and held up his hands. “I never should have agreed to any of this. I should have known it was a bad idea. I did know it was a bad idea.”

“If anyone is to blame for this, it’s me.

” Jaime sighed as she rested back and stared up at the ceiling.

“You told me repeatedly that I shouldn’t put the plan in motion, but I didn’t listen.

I just thought I was doing the right thing.

I thought it would help to lure them out of whatever fucking shadow they were hiding in. ”

“At the moment, it’s the last thing you need to worry about. We almost lost you, Baros. Whatever ideas either of us has in our heads, we forget them. You’re no use to me lying on a slab.”

Jaime almost laughed at that. Maybe if she hadn’t listened to her own ridiculous ideas, none of this would have happened. But then the reminder of a killer being out there stuck firmly in her mind. She’d had no choice but to do what she did. Now she had to pray that it came to something.

“I fucked it for myself.” Jaime swallowed and shook her head. “Not only did I almost get myself killed, but I’ve lost the one woman who actually meant something to me since Taylor.”

Max pulled his seat closer. “I’m sorry?”

“Anya wasn’t happy about any of this. She didn’t want any of this. I just—” Jaime sighed and dragged a hand through her hair. “Kinda wanted to see her face when I woke up, you know?”

Jaime could pretend that it didn’t bother her, but it did.

It bothered her massively that Anya hadn’t been there for her as she woke up.

Things had felt as though they were shifting after their date, and Jaime felt happier in herself, and she thought Anya had enjoyed the time they’d spent together.

But maybe Jaime should have known that it wouldn’t work out.

The good stuff in life rarely went her way.

“She means a lot to you, doesn’t she?” Max regarded Jaime with an understanding smile.

“A lot?” Jaime’s brows rose as she winced.

She wasn’t comfortable in this position, but she didn’t suppose any position would be ideal right now.

“A lot doesn’t come close, Max. She just…

I could sit with her for hours and not say a single word.

That’s how fascinating she is to me.” Jaime swallowed down the lump in her throat.

“There’s something about her that makes me feel seen and understood.

She doesn’t judge me, and she’s been there for me when I talk about Taylor.

She just… yeah, she understands me.” Jaime managed a laugh at that.

“Even I don’t understand myself, Max. How the fuck is that possible?

For someone like Anya to be interested in me… and at one time, care about me?”

“At one time?”

Jaime cast her gaze on her hands in her lap.

“I know what’s happening here. I know exactly how it goes.

” Jaime regarded Max with a wry smile. “I won’t see her again.

But who can blame her for that? I put myself in danger, and she doesn’t need that in her life.

Who wants to date someone who willingly gets themselves shot?

That’s just crazy. She deserves better than that. ”

“You know, for someone who believed she was the killer at one time, you sure have a lot of feelings about her now.”

Jaime just about managed to lift a shoulder. “I was falling for her, okay? I was falling for her, and then I fucked it all up.”

“You seem pretty confident about fucking it up, Baros. How can you be sure?”

Jaime couldn’t be sure of anything lately, everything had been fucking with her head, but she felt mostly sure about this.

“Because if it were Anya lying in this bed right now, I’d be by her side until the moment she woke up.

And I get it, people have lives and shit, but something doesn’t feel right in here.

” Jaime placed a hand to her chest, aware that the ache deep in her heart was bordering on the very same ache she’d spent the last few years with.

Would it ever go away? “It feels as though I lost her the moment we made that plan a real thing. When we were in that room together at the club, part of me felt her pulling away. And I know that Lady A and Anya are two different people, but I can’t explain it.

I just know that she never wanted to be a part of this…

and that’s exactly why I was going to her place.

To make it right. To beg her to forgive me. ”

Jaime blinked away a few tears, her body physically and emotionally drained. She lay her head back, closed her eyes, and reminded herself of what she’d very briefly had with Anastasia Grant.

“Baros, everything is okay.”

Jaime chose to remain silent. Max had no idea how intense things had been between Jaime and Anya, and he likely never would.

That wasn’t the kind of relationship they had with one another.

“I just need to get myself back on my feet. I’ll be fine.

Same shit different day where my love life is concerned. ”

“Jaime.”

Jaime swallowed at the sound of a familiar and very beautiful voice.

Anya.

Fearful that it was all in her head, Jaime slowly turned towards the door and prayed that the very woman she needed was standing before her. When Anya’s soft eyes gazed back at her, Jaime almost lost it. “H-hi.”

“You don’t know how good it is to hear your voice.

” Anya crossed the room and stood next to Jaime’s bed.

Their hands instantly found one another’s, but Anya didn’t know where to begin.

Jaime had been dying in front of her, had coded more than once, and now she was here…

awake and talking. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you’re here,” Jaime said, her gaze unwavering.

“I thought I’d lost you.” When she had received a text from both Max and Zoe earlier that morning, Anya was hesitant to look at it.

What if it had been bad news? How could she ever forgive herself for leaving Jaime’s side if something had gone terribly wrong?

It had taken her a full twenty seconds to open one of the texts.

She then allowed herself a few moments to cry tears of relief and happiness before rushing to get ready to get back to Jaime.

Jaime squeezed Anya’s hand. “And I thought I’d lost you.”

“Lost me?” Anya’s brows drew together.

“I’ve been so stupid. I could have gotten us both killed.” Jaime did look away this time. Well, to their hands and how good they looked resting in one another’s. “I couldn’t see any other way, and I know I fucked up. Please forgive me.”

“Hey, none of that is important right now.” Anya leaned over and kissed Jaime slowly.

Neither of them cared that Jaime hadn’t come by a toothbrush lately.

They just wanted to feel that connection again.

Anya brought a hand to Jaime’s face, her soft palm stroking her skin.

“The only thing that matters is that you rest and recover.”

“I’ve missed you.” Jaime’s bottom lip quivered, but she pushed down her emotions. “Even while I was out, all I thought about was you.”

Max cleared his throat, reminding them both that he was still in the room. He hiked a thumb over his shoulder as he grabbed his blazer. “I’ll just take a stroll while you two…you know. I don’t think anyone is listening to me.”

Jaime smiled. “What did he say?”

“Something about a stroller?”

“Huh.” Jaime managed to lift a shoulder slightly.

Her body felt heavy and sluggish, but she didn’t care.

Because as she turned her head away from Max’s retreating form, she found herself fixed on Anya’s eyes all over again.

Could she take a mental picture of this moment so she would never forget it?

Everything was incredibly fucked up, but none of it mattered while they were in the safety of this room.

None of it mattered so long as Anya’s hand was in hers. “Will you stay for a while?”

Anya had a meeting with Kate’s team in a few hours to discuss how to take down a couple of serial killers, but for now, this was where she needed to be. “As long as you agree to rest, then of course.”