Page 45 of Tell Me Your Desires

“Evidence,” Anya answered. “But this time, it led somewhere. There were notes, and there were pictures of the girl. Almost like a trail of breadcrumbs. So, I did my profile and had a short list of suspects by the end of the day, as requested. But everything just felt…off. I mentioned that in my initial report, but my partner and I argued about it. She told me that ‘excuses aren’t needed, solutions were.’ I couldn’t, in good conscience, hand over what I had without telling them I wasn’t confident in my profile.

My partner finally agreed and used my exhaustion against me by offering to take the report to the SAC while I got some rest.”

“She altered the report,” Jaime guessed as an unexpected anger coursed through her veins for a woman she didn’t even know. That wasn’t what partners did. They had each other’s backs. They didn’t stab each other in the back.

“Very good, Detective.” Anya paused, listening to Derek’s purr and centering herself before she continued.

Remembering that day still pissed her off.

She could have blamed fatigue for not seeing her partner’s true intentions, but Anya knew it was more than that.

So much more. And that was what hurt the most. “By the time I got back to the office, my list had been narrowed down to one man, and a full-on operation was being organized. Everything was happening fast. Too fast. I couldn’t pin my partner down long enough to get any information.

The harder I tried to talk to her, the more she avoided me.

Finally, I was frustrated enough with all of them to raise my voice and demand to know what the hell was going on. ”

Jaime smiled. “I bet that was a sight.”

Anya didn’t return the smile. “I played right into their hands. When I asked about my report and why my concerns weren’t being taken into consideration, my partner used my outburst as a ‘gotcha’ moment and said I was just overly tired and, therefore, questioning my assessment.

No one listened to me, Jaime. And my gut was telling me—no, it was screaming at me—that we had the wrong guy.

But all I could do was watch on as the Hostage Rescue Team geared up and went on a blind mission that I essentially sent them on. ”

“I take it things didn’t go well.”

Anya’s nostrils flared with rage as she remembered that night. “It was a trap. We were lured there and ambushed. Six agents lost their lives that night.”

“Damn.” Jaime’s heart dropped. “What the hell happened?”

“Officially? I rushed my profile, didn’t warn HRT of the potential risks, and was forced into an early retirement.”

“You’re fucking kidding me!”

Anya appreciated Jaime’s outrage. It was more than her own partner had for her four years ago. “I wish. My incompetence, apparently, was better optics than a disgruntled HRT agent who led his team to slaughter.”

“What the fuck? It was another agent?” At this point, Jaime had sat up and crossed her legs beneath her. Her hands were clenched into fists at her sides. Anya nodded, and Jaime scoffed while shaking her head. “That explains how he got around your profile. But why? Did he just…break?”

Anya studied Jaime for a moment before answering.

“You’re right about the profile. I couldn’t get a read on Agent Lewis because he was pretending to be someone else.

I had worked with him before, and he knew my techniques.

” She picked Derek up and mirrored Jaime’s position.

“Lewis was up for SAC but was passed over.”

“The councilman’s friend?”

Anya nodded. “It had been the third time Lewis had been passed over due to politics or favoritism. Before I was forced out, I learned that his wife had left him for another man—a more successful man—who, as it turned out, had been playing father to Lewis’s daughter for more than a year.

Lewis blamed his failures and losses on the councilman.

And when he didn’t get any support from his team, he blamed them as well. ”

“Shit,” Jaime blew out a breath. She wasn’t na?ve about how being in law enforcement could fuck with your head, but to fucking slaughter your colleagues? Even losing Taylor hadn’t been enough to turn Jaime into a psychopath. “Wait, what about the kid? What happened to her?”

“She was never taken.” Anya scooted Derek off her lap and leaned over to get her tea from the small table by the bed swing. “She had snuck out to be with her new boyfriend.”

“Lucky timing?” Jaime asked, even though she had a feeling it was far more complicated than that.

“Carefully planned and paid for,” Anya amended.

“Lewis spent weeks watching every move, recording routines and schedules. He knew the councilman was strict and didn’t allow his daughter to date, but what sixteen-year-old doesn’t want to date?

He paid another teenager to chat her up and ask her out. ”

“Getting her to go against her father’s rules meant she wouldn’t readily answer when he called.”

“You really are good at this, Detective.” Anya managed a small smile. “He premeditated his revenge for three months. In that time, he duped me and people who called him a friend and murdered six of them.”

Jaime reached out and took one of Anya’s hands in her own. “Tell me you don’t hold any responsibility for that.”

Anya thought about that for a moment. “I think any good doctor will wonder what signs they missed, but I also accept that I am only human.”

Jaime nodded, relieved that Anya wasn’t carrying the weight of those deaths in the same way she was with these recent ones. But Jaime had one more question that she had been hesitant to ask. “Your partner? Was she…?”

“No. She was in the communications van with me when it went down. The SAC, wanting to be the hero for his friend, insisted on being in there with the team. He was the first one killed. Then it just…” When Anya closed her eyes, she could see the tragedy clearly.

It had taken her a good part of the past four years to compartmentalize the trauma, and honestly, she wasn’t quite sure she had done such a great job at it.

“Everything happened so fast, Jaime. We couldn’t get to them in time to save them. ”

We? That little tidbit surprised the hell out of Jaime. “You were a field agent?”

“Yes. You look surprised.”

“I kinda am. Sorry. You’re just…” Jaime’s eyes fell on Anya’s bare legs.

She shook her head. Anything she said now would end up sounding incredibly sexist and idiotic coming out of her mouth, since she’d probably heard all of those idiotic things about herself before.

“Did you get Lewis? Or is he why you live in a fortress, take alternate routes home, and have an address in the system that isn’t yours? ”

Anya bit her bottom lip. It didn’t take an FBI profiler to understand precisely where Jaime’s mind went when she gazed at Anya’s body. At least Jaime had more willpower to keep those thoughts to herself than most of the men Anya used to work with.

“We got Lewis,” Anya revealed. “However, PTSD tends to dig its claws in.” She glanced around, noting the security cameras even in the backyard. “Maybe it’s a little overboard.”

Jaime noticed a slight tremor in Anya’s hand, so she gently took the cup of tea from her and set it to the side.

“It’s not overboard if it makes you feel safe.

As a cop, I approve,” Jaime smiled, attempting to ease the tension surrounding them.

She held Anya’s hands, gently rubbing her knuckles with her thumbs.

“Could I ask you one more question about all of that?”

Anya nodded, appreciating Jaime’s sensitivity to the situation and her feelings.

“Why did you let them push you out? Why didn’t your partner speak up and explain that you’d tried to tell them something was wrong?”

Anya bowed her head. She hated it when her weaknesses were exposed.

And back then, her partner was one of those weaknesses.

“She was afraid the repercussions would be far worse than early retirement if she came clean. She begged me not to tell anyone I had concerns about the case and the operation.”

“And you remained loyal despite everything.” Jaime somehow admired that about Anya. While it had ultimately led to her leaving the job, Jaime had to appreciate Anya’s loyalty.

“Yes.” Anya looked up at Jaime. “I lost a lot that day, Jaime. My job, my confidence, my trust, my partner…my lover.”

Jaime’s eyebrows shot up. Oh, she hadn’t expected that. “Y-you and your partner?”

“Yes. That’s why her betrayal hurt so much. I thought she would have my back, not only as my partner but as my partner. It seems her ambition overshadowed anything she ever felt for me.”

“Fucking fool,” Jaime muttered. “Where is she now?”

“As far as I know, she’s still an agent.”

“Fucking Fed!” Jaime wanted to fight the anger and jealousy she felt, but it was a struggle.

Was it ridiculous to feel jealous? Of course it was.

Jaime spoke about Taylor all the time, and she had yet to experience Anya’s petulant child phase about it.

So why did she want to punch this ‘partner’ in the fucking throat? Because she betrayed Anya.

“I was one of those fucking feds, Detective,” Anya teased. “I’m actually surprised you’ve held them off for this long. No offense to the Reno PD, but serial killers tend to pique the FBI’s interest.”

“Yeah, well.” Jaime reluctantly let go of one of Anya’s hands and scratched the back of her neck.

It was a stupid, ineffective tactic while she thought of how much she should tell Anya.

After everything they’d just spoken about, Jaime quickly realized that she had no choice but to be honest with Anya.

“We’ve been pretty strategic with our wording and how we connect the cases in the system. So far, anyway.”

Anya’s brows drew together. “You’re deliberately omitting information?”

“This is our city. We don’t need the feds coming in here and taking over.”

Anya decided it would be best to keep quiet about the fact that Reno PD still didn’t have a suspect in custody after five murders.

She had been around enough police officers to understand how territorial they could be.

But she also knew this case was now personal for Jaime.

In any other circumstance, that would be a reason to take Jaime off the case.

But this wasn’t any other circumstance. Was it?

“If Max has put out feelers about unsolved murders with similar M.O.s, it’s safe to say the FBI will be crashing the party sooner than you may want.”

Jaime scrubbed her face, irritated with the entire situation. “Yeah, that’s what I feared. This is why we need to discuss the logistics of our sting operation.”

Anya sighed. “And I need to see those files, Jaime. You heard my issues. You know why I need all of the information.”

“I understand, I really do, but I don’t think we have time to wait.

And that’s not because I’m worried about the FBI swooping in and taking the case,” Jaime said, hoping she could hold Anya’s anger at bay.

“You tell me, as a profiler, if you think this guy is going to stop killing because you stopped those kinds of sessions. Or do you think he’s going to come after you because you’re his obsession? ”

Anya had a strong feeling that if she read the files Max had pulled up, she would discover that the unsub had moved on because there was nothing left to obsess over.

Logically, it suggested that the last person on his kill list was the one he had been most fixated on.

She couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to all of this, but maybe if they could solve this piece of the puzzle, the rest would fall into place.

“Fine, okay.”

Jaime’s eyes widened. “Okay?”

Anya nodded. “Will your tech department be tapping into the video feed in my chambers? If so, you may want to choose a package that doesn’t have you hanging naked from the rafters.”

Jaime nearly choked on her own spit when she inhaled sharply. Anya’s words brought up all sorts of images that Jaime wasn’t prepared for. Sexy… vulnerable. Fucking incredible images that needed to take a backseat right now so Jaime could stay focused on the job.

“You are a sadist, Lady A.”

Anya smirked. “That’s why I get paid the big bucks.”

Jaime narrowed her eyes. Tech wouldn’t be watching. No one would. But Jaime could play this game, too. “I was thinking we could do something a little more fun and sexier for the guys. Maybe…reverse cowgirl?”

Sadly, for Jaime, Anya saw right through her little charade. If there was a chance someone from Jaime’s department would be watching such an intimate moment, Jaime wouldn’t be making jokes about it. She would be finding a way to make Anya more comfortable with something so private.

“Veto,” Anya said immediately.

“What? Why? That’s a sexy position!”

“Ha! Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade. Why do you get a view of my back arching and my ass bouncing while all I get to see is your toes throwing gang signs?” One, two, three…

Anya got to five before Jaime burst out laughing.

The sound was so loud and sudden that it scared Derek, who jumped off the swing and scampered away.

“Gang signs?” Jaime managed. “Is that what they do?”

Anya curled her fingers to demonstrate, causing Jaime to laugh even harder.

“Fine, no reverse cowgirl. Ever again.” Jaime wiped tears of laughter from her eyes. “I will never get that image out of my head now. Thanks for that.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll forget all about it the moment my ass is in your line of sight again.”

Jaime wrapped her hand around the back of Anya’s neck and pulled her in close. She crushed her mouth to Anya’s, forcing down a moan before things got heated. “You can’t say things like that and expect me to get shit done,” Jaime whispered against Anya’s lips. “Fuck.”

“Think of it as foreplay,” Anya whispered back. She touched her forehead to Jaime’s, lingering for a beat or two. Would this be their last peaceful moment for the foreseeable future? “Tell me you’re going to be safe.”

“I’m going to be safe, baby.” The endearment slipped out, but Jaime didn’t care. And since Anya hadn’t flinched, it seemed she didn’t mind either. “We’ll end this threat, and then I can focus on you and fully explore what we have here. Yeah?”

The lump in Anya’s throat stole her voice, so she merely nodded and kissed Jaime again. It was her way of promising not only Jaime but also herself to explore whatever the hell they wanted when this was all over.