Page 43 of Tell Me Your Desires

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Derek, can you please keep the litter in the box? Just like a man,” Anya muttered.

“If you’re not peeing on the edge of the box, you’re flinging shit-clumped litter out of it.

” She swept the litter into the dustpan and dumped it into the trash.

At least it was trash night. She wouldn’t have to deal with this any longer than she had to.

“Meow.”

“Yeah, meow to you, too.” Anya put the broom and dustpan away, wiping a bead of sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. Then she remembered what she’d just been doing. “Eww.”

She washed her hands with warm water and half a bottle of soap and scrubbed her face before grabbing a wad of paper towels to dry off.

She leaned back on the counter and blew out a breath.

Today had been a day of deep cleaning. The house didn’t particularly need it, but her brain did.

Cleaning helped Anya stay out of her thoughts.

Loud music, the scent of cleaning products, and a small amount of annoyance from Derek’s antics had created the perfect equation for distraction.

Anya had no idea why she was so antsy today, but she had woken up this way.

Perhaps it was residual loneliness that stemmed from saying goodnight to Jaime instead of inviting her in.

Or maybe it was the fact that she hadn’t spoken to Jaime since the date, and she was feeling a bit uncertain about where they were in their…

relationship. Is that what they had? Or was Anya merely Jaime’s way of distracting herself?

Sex definitely was a potent way of redirecting thoughts of a troubled past.

“Past,” Anya repeated out loud. “Taylor won’t be Jaime’s past until the case is solved.”

“Mew, meow.”

She rolled her eyes at Derek. “I am not jealous. I’m…

concerned that we can’t move forward if Jaime can’t move on.

And she has every right to feel the way she feels.

” Anya threw up her hands. “Look at me. I locked the world out because of something that happened years ago. Am I any different than Jaime by hiding behind my past? We were probably doomed before we even began.” Anya laughed at herself.

“I bet Jaime doesn’t tell all her secrets to a cat named Derek. ”

A knock at the front door startled Anya. No one visited her. Well, no one except Jaime these days. However, since Anya hadn’t heard from Jaime since the date, she was wary about who was outside her door. She checked the camera and saw Jaime rocking on her heels, wringing her hands.

“Well, this doesn’t look good,” Anya said to Derek.

Jaime’s nervousness was a complete one-eighty from the last time Anya had seen her.

While Anya was surprised—and happy—to see Jaime, her demeanor dampened that happiness.

Not to mention the fact that Anya looked as though she’d been deep cleaning an already spotless house all day long.

She reached up and touched the bandana on her head. “Great.”

Jaime knocked again and then rang the doorbell for good measure.

She blew out a breath, trying to calm her nerves as she waited for Anya to answer.

Jaime knew Anya was home. She had been sitting in her car for the past forty minutes trying to muster up the courage to walk her ass up to the door and knock.

You’re a fucking coward. Jaime winced inwardly when she remembered how she’d avoided Anya for the past two days.

Why had she avoided her? Because she was too scared to tell her Max had agreed to the plan.

A ridiculous move after such a great date night.

It had probably ruined her shot at anything more profound with Anya.

Jaime frowned suddenly. Was that why Anya wasn’t answering the door for her?

Jaime leaned down and looked into the camera on the doorbell. “Anya, I know you’re justifiably angry with me, but let me explain. Please?”

Anya opened the door, folded her arms across her chest, and leaned on the doorjamb. She didn’t say a word. Instead, she allowed Jaime to squirm in the silence. Besides, Anya was trying not to be embarrassed by her sweaty, disheveled appearance.

“H-hey.” Jaime swallowed audibly under Anya’s intense stare.

But that wasn’t what took Jaime’s breath away.

She’d seen Anya in many different ways now since meeting her.

But never like this. A blue bandana held back her mussed hair, and the thin, long t-shirt she wore that covered most of her short shorts exposed incredible legs.

The look was domestic and sexy as fuck. “May I, um, come in?”

Anya sighed but moved and gestured for Jaime to enter. “I’m not mad at you,” she said finally. “Though, if you weren’t ready for whatever this was between us, I would have preferred you just tell me instead of ghosting me.”

Jaime tore her eyes away from Anya’s bare legs.

She’d seen this woman naked, so why did she feel so affected by this version of Anya?

Then what Anya had just said shot back into her mind.

“Ghost you? I wouldn’t do that.” Jaime hoped Anya believed her.

“And I am ready. I wouldn’t have asked you out on a date if I wasn’t. ”

“Jaime, it’s normal to change your mind…”

“I didn’t change my mind.” Jaime sighed.

“And please don’t psychoanalyze me.” She could completely understand why Anya felt the way she did after Jaime’s stupid disappearing act, but now, instead of talking about the plan, she had to convince Anya she was ready to move on with her life.

“I didn’t ask you out only to realize I still have feelings for Taylor.

” Jaime wanted to move closer and take Anya’s hand, hoping it would convey what she felt, but she wasn’t sure Anya would appreciate it.

“I think I’ll always have a place in my heart for Taylor, but she’s gone, Anya.

She’s been gone a couple of years now.” Jaime scrubbed a hand down her face and groaned inwardly.

“Look, my hang-up is not my love for her. It’s a sense of responsibility to find out who did this to her.

” Jaime hoped that didn’t make her sound heartless. She hadn’t meant it in that way.

Anya offered Jaime a seat on one of the stools at the kitchen island. “Water?”

“Unless it’s coming from Derek’s bowl,” Jaime teased, hoping to ease some of the tension in the room. “I’ll take whatever you’re offering.”

“I wouldn’t do that. Derek gets special filtered water.” Anya tossed Jaime a glass bottle of sparkling water, deliberately testing Jaime’s reflexes.

“S-shit!” She bobbled the bottle a few times before securing it tightly with both hands. “Thanks.” I think. Jaime twisted the top off and was immediately sprayed with a jet of carbonated water.

Derek scrambled to get away from the unplanned shower, while Jaime sputtered, and Anya burst out laughing. “Oops.” She plucked a tea towel from one of the cabinet drawers and tossed it in Jaime’s direction. “I should have warned you to give that a minute or two.”

Jaime wiped her face, then dried the area around her. “I totally deserved that.”

“That wasn’t on purpose. Also, I wasn’t psychoanalyzing you.

If whatever this is we’re doing is going to work, you can’t assume that every time I have a thought about something, I’m ‘psychoanalyzing.’ Maybe, just maybe, I can have feelings or understand feelings without my degree.

For instance, I can understand your need for closure when it comes to Taylor and feeling unsure how to get that.

I can also understand how that would make getting into a new relationship difficult. For both sides.”

“Fair.” Jaime noted that Anya didn’t enjoy having her past occupation thrown in her face any more than she did her current one.

“And I’m hoping that this is the beginning of something beautiful.

” She took a long sip from her water bottle.

It was more to stall than to quench her thirst, even though her mouth had suddenly become dry.

“But, uh, in order for that to happen, I think we need to discuss a few things.”

“Well, that sounds ominous,” Anya muttered. “Tea?”

“This is good tea.” Jaime took another cautious sip after burning the shit out of her esophagus the first time around. “Thanks.”

“You’re stalling. And that was psychoanalyzing you.”

“Touché.” Jaime saluted Anya with her cup of tea and grinned.

“But it is true about the tea.” When Anya gave Jaime a knowing look, she set her tea down and braced herself for the conversation.

“Okay. It makes sense. The closure thing.” Jaime knew Anya needed more when Anya tilted her head in question.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get that with Taylor, though.

Not her death, anyway. But I’m coming to terms with that.

I have to.” Jaime looked down at her tea and smiled weakly.

“This, though, is about Maisie, Veronica, Brenda, Mary, and Julie. I guess it’s always been about them, really, and rightfully so.

” Jaime had always had the ability to separate the job from her personal life.

She couldn’t understand why this time was any different.

Not really. “I’m confident enough to know I’m a damn good detective, Anya.

But lately, I haven’t been one hundred percent.

That means these women haven’t received one hundred percent from me, and they deserve that.

” Jaime gazed into Anya’s eyes. “And then there is you. For as long as he’s out there, you’re in danger. ”

“Jaime—”

Jaime held up a hand. “My head has been so far up my ass that I’ve been focusing on the wrong things.”

Like me, Anya thought. But there wasn’t a sadness behind that thought.

It was merely the truth and an acceptance of the situation.

They had come into one another’s lives through unconventional circumstances.

That didn’t mean they didn’t belong together, though.

It also didn’t mean they shouldn’t find out if they belonged together.

But Jaime was right. There were priorities at the moment.

The five women Anya had known and cared about were those priorities.

“Like your insane plan?” Anya smirked, thankful that Max was thinking clearly about that particular situation.

Jaime cleared her throat. “Yeah, about that.”

“Jaime.”

“Hear me out, please?” Jaime pleaded, aware that she couldn’t sit on this for much longer.

Anya stood to get more tea. She didn’t need more, but it gave her something to do other than be exasperatingly annoyed that Jaime was still thinking about this asinine plan of hers to use herself as bait.

Which ultimately meant having sex with Lady A at the club, knowing they were being watched.

Anya would admit to being adventurous in the bedroom.

However, that was taking it a little too far.

Jaime watched Anya as she moved around the kitchen.

She had just poured tea into an already full cup, and now she was wiping down an already clean counter as she mumbled to herself and Derek whenever he ventured close enough.

Jaime could only smile to herself. Anya was adorable when she was frustrated.

Though Jaime would prefer it if Anya wasn’t frustrated with her.

Perhaps that would change once she understood why Jaime was pushing this plan.

“Are you done grumbling?” Jaime asked with a brow quirked when Anya finally sat back down.

“It depends on what impulsive reason you have to bring this back up.”

When Jaime locked eyes with a pouting Anya, Jaime found she couldn’t help herself. She leaned in and kissed those delicious lips. When she eventually drew back, Jaime’s hands tingled. They itched to do far more. “Sorry. It had to be done. Your pout is irresistible.”

“I do not pout.” Anya’s lips quirked into a reluctant smile. “I’m listening.”