Page 56 of Teach Me

A flicker of confusion passed over Paul’s face, his brow furrowing. “I’m not sure I follow, Professor Lusk.”

I leaned back in my chair, taking a moment to choose the right words. “Don’t play poker when you’re not at the table, Paul.” I glanced pointedly at the sealed letter before looking back at him. “Not everyone is an opponent to be overcome. Not every relationship should be seen as a transaction.” His confusion deepened, but there was something else there, too—a flicker of realization in his eyes. “You’re a good kid with a bright future. Don’t jeopardize that with rash decisions.”

Paul blinked at me, and then he ran a hand through his hair as he seemed to finally understand what I was saying. But also what I wasn’t. At length, he nodded again. “I understand completely, sir.”

“Good.” I gestured toward the letter. “You can take that now. I hope sincerely that it all goes the way you want it to.”

“Thank you, sir.” Paul picked up the letter and stood, hesitating as he held it, before adding, “For the letter and advice. I hope you know I’m taking it to heart.” He scraped his teeth over his lower lip. “I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. It’s not my style.”

“I hope that always remains the case.”

After he left my office, I sank back into my chair and exhaled a breath that felt like it’d been caught in my chest for days.

The relief lasted for all of a minute before the image of Cameron floated through my mind, and the familiar longing for him returned with a vengeance.

27

CAM

Iknocked on Mark’s door, opening it when I heard a grunted reply. Mark glanced up from where he lay on his bed, finger flicking over his phone screen. “Chili ready?”

“Oh. No, but almost. Sorry to interrupt.” Shit. I was having second thoughts, but fuck, I really needed to unload.

“Just studying, no biggie.” He gave me a smile. “I’ll come downstairs in a sec, though.”

“Ummm, actually.” I shut the door behind me. “Remember that offer you made me a while back, that I could talk to you anytime I needed to?”

Mark’s brows knit in concern, and he set his phone down, rolling upright in the bed. “Abso-fucking-lutely, dude. What’s up?”

“I’m not thinking of using or anything,” I said up front, just to get that out of the way, and did a double take when Mark chuckled softly in response.

“Stop.” He shook his head. “I told you already, it’s not the first place my mind goes to anymore.”

“It isn’t?”

“Nope. For real.” He ticked his chin toward the space next to him on the bed. “Pull up a pillow if you want.” I dropped onto the bed next to him, lacing my fingers over my stomach. Mark rolled toward me, propping his head on one fist. “It’s your actions—why my mind doesn’t go to pills first, anymore, I mean.”

“Oh, that’s good, I guess.”

He nodded. “Something I learned with me and Chet. Words matter, but actions speak pretty fucking loud, too. I was hesitant for you to move in, you know that, but…” He licked his lips thoughtfully. “I’m not anymore. I’m glad. Glad because I can see you meant everything you said. Glad because I get to see you climb out of the hole you were in. And,” he said softer, “maybe be a small part of that.”

His words wrapped around the seed of hope in my chest I’d planted when I’d returned to campus, never expecting it to amount to anything. I let out a quavery breath. “That means a lot more than you think it does.”

His gaze was gentle when I glanced over. “No, I think I know. So are you gonna tell me who you’re fucking that’s got you all discombobulated? Is it that guy you said rejected you a while back?” My mouth dropped open, and Mark scoffed. “Dude, I’ve been hypervigilant since fucking birth. I know the signs when someone’s all twisted up over something. Let’s hear it. I might give shit advice, but I’m an open ear for venting.”

I rolled onto my side, too, mirroring his posture. We’d done this back when I’d lived in the frat house, except from single beds. It’d been before I’d gotten big into pills and was one of the things I’d missed the most about our friendship. “I’m in—was in—a friends-with-benefits situation with an older guy. Not a student or anything.”

Mark’s eyes narrowed. “How much older?”

“Like thirteen years? He’s divorced, no kids or anything.”

Mark’s brow smoothed out and then wrinkled again. “Out of the closet?”

“He’s bi, not hiding his sexuality.”

“Good.” Mark nodded in approval.

“He’s a professor here. So we’re both in a different kind of closet.” I figured I might as well lay it out there. In spite of everything, I still trusted Mark completely, and fuck, simply saying the words aloud to someone else filled me with a sense of relief.