Page 35
I should not have felt this giddy. “Mabel’s pretty chatty for a seven-month-old.”
“Seven and a half. And she’s up for Mensa candidacy.”
“You’ll do it?” My dad grinned, clueless to the undertones between Lars and me.
“Sure, why not?” I shot a quick glance at Lars, whose lips curved.
Someone moved a chair near the playpen, and I took a seat with my guitar in my lap.
My dad cut the Spotify, which of course drew attention to the live entertainment.
God, this was nerve-wracking. I never sang for anyone other than my family, but I knew most everyone here. If only my fingers would stop shaking.
I sent a quick look to Lars, who stood off to the side with Mabel. He offered a smile of encouragement, and just the sight of him there in his silly Viking helmet, holding his little girl, gave me the confidence I needed.
As we had so many fun costumes, many of them animals, it made sense to go with Old MacDonald, though with a twist.
“Old Man Kershaw had a farm, E-I-E-I-O.”
“Hey!” My dad whined, which made everyone laugh, and instantly relaxed me.
“And on that farm, he had a … cow. E-I-E-I-O. With a moo-moo here …”
To ensure each of the kids got a verse, I stood and started a circuit.
It didn’t matter that they weren’t all dressed as animals; we managed to come up with fun, representative sounds together.
Fairies wisped, princesses giggled, pirates arghed, and witches vroomed (on their brooms).
By the time I had name-checked all the kids, the knocking of my heart against my rib cage was drowned out in the roar of approval from the crowd.
Lars was the first person to approach me right after with Mabel in his arms.
“Mabel says that was the best song she’s ever heard.”
Pulling on a felt udder on Mabel’s costume, I whispered, “What about her dad?”
“He thinks it needed more references to Duckman’s thick beard.”
“Oh, shut it,” I said with a giggle.
“We never did discuss you writing a song about me.”
I rolled my eyes as my cheeks burned. “It was a special request for Tilly who has a big crush on you.”
He didn’t further embarrass me with a comment about her older sister having it just as bad. Instead, his eyes searched my face.
“Seriously, I loved it and so did everyone else. Maybe there’s room for another bright star in the night sky.”
I choked back the emotion in my throat. That night I talked about my envy of Rosie and fear of not taking chances seemed like a lifetime away, though it was only a week.
With a shaky hand, I set my guitar down beside the credenza in the living room. “I’m headed to the kitchen. You need anything?”
“Nah, we’re okay. We’ll miss you, though.”
Swoon. Walking by, I couldn’t help brushing my arm against his. Foolish, I knew, but I was falling hard here, and that kind of falling was characterized by idiotic behavior. I wiped the smile off my face, but obviously not fast enough.
Rosie intercepted me before I made it to the bar setup in the kitchen. “That was so much fun . How about we get some air?”
“Sure, but first I was going to?—”
“Now, Adeline Aurora Kershaw.”
We didn’t make it to the back door. Rosie yanked me into the pantry and closed the door.
“I thought we were getting air.”
“Are you kidding? It’s cold enough to freeze my tits off. What’s going on with you and the Hockey-nator?” Her lips twitched. “Work in progress.”
Modeling good behavior for Mabel. Nothing to see here!
Instead of that perfect excuse, my next words came tumbling out in a run-on rush. “Wesortofhadsex.”
Rosie’s dark eyes sparked with glee. “Okay! Good thing the country isn’t relying on you to keep its classified secrets.”
“It just happened,” I mumbled.
Rosie folded her arms. “Sure it did. When were you going to tell me?”
“Um … never?” At her semi-outraged expression, I rushed on.
“I knew you wouldn’t approve because you’ll think I don’t know what I’m doing.
And maybe I don’t. But I’d rather experience something than feel like I’m …
hiding all the time. Like I’m this sad person who’s too afraid to do anything exciting!
Or go for what she wants. So it’s been building for a while and then I went on that date with MacFarlane and Lars didn’t like it. Not one bit.”
“I assumed the animosity was team stuff. MacFarlane’s always calling him names and stuff?—”
“What names?”
“Narc-quist, Snitch-quist, the usual.”
“Oh.” Because of what happened with his father? Lars hadn’t told me. He was so close-chested about his dad and the impact it had on him. Hatch must have said something to Rosie.
“But he came to that club—with a baby—and rescued you.” Rosie wagged a finger. “And then you guys fell into bed. So sweet.”
“And now we’re going with the flow.” I tried to sound grown-up, a woman of the world.
She took a curl of my hair and twisted. “You’re not really a go with the flow kind of girl, are you? Casual isn’t your thing, despite all my efforts to get you some on our travels.”
“I knew you were going to be like this. It’s why I kept quiet.” But she was right. Casual sex wasn’t my jam. Growing up the daughter of Theo and Elle Kershaw set near-impossible expectations in the arena of love and relationships. Now the worst had happened.
My crush had bloomed into something more serious. I’d fallen in love with Lars Nyquist.
While catching my breath, I tried to put this in context. The amazing lover, the hunky single dad, the man who was learning to connect with others through the process of connecting with his child—all were reasons to be attracted to someone. To even want to see where it could go.
But I knew it could go nowhere, and still I was the fool who had fallen for this man, all because he saw in me potential I couldn’t yet see in myself.
Maybe there’s room for another bright star in the night sky.
My family encouraged and loved me despite all my weird, but there was the usual judgment there. Our history was too embedded for it to be any other way. With Lars, I saw myself through fresh eyes.
Rosie’s gaze softened. “Does he know about Greece?”
Preferring to talk about something concrete, I moved onto another of my least favorite topics. “Yes. I had a nightmare, and he was there to talk me down. He agrees with you and thinks I should tell the fam.”
“At least he’s getting one thing right. Is it possible you’re acting out to try to exert some control over a situation where you feel helpless?
And this is taking the form of seducing second generation Finnish hockey players with more issues than a magazine stand and the words ‘No trespassing’ stamped on their forehead? ”
This crazy bitch and her razor-sharp insights.
“Of course it’s possible! It’s entirely possible!”
Rosie smiled. “Aw, Addy.” And then she wrapped her arms around me. She gave such great hugs, and I really needed one, if only to confirm that she wasn’t mad at me.
At least she wasn’t accusing me of being in love with him. She would think I was too sensible for that nonsense.
“I’m pretending I know what I’m doing,” I whispered, “but I really don’t have a clue. If I keep saying I’m taking it one day at a time, then I don’t have to think about what comes next. Don’t judge me.”
“Never.” And then she hugged me tighter still.
Table of Contents
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- Page 35 (Reading here)
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