Page 12

Chapter Seven

Lars

Where did people find the time to have children?

I understood the sex part. Hell, I always had time for the sex part, but the rest. The feeding and changing and cleaning and interviewing.

Several hours into the nanny hunt and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. To force my mind to attention, I thought back to Theo’s call this morning, the one he’d made as soon as word of my request for a leave of absence had filtered back to him.

“Are you fucking kidding me with this, NyQuil?”

At a good thirty-six hours in, I was inordinately sleep-deprived.

I had managed a couple of fitful hours last night, unable to fall deeper because (a) Mabel might need me and (b) I was still furious with myself for this mess of my own making.

All my life, I’d been careful not to behave in any way that drew comparisons with my father.

He was the rabblerouser, the partier, the guy who wasted all his gifts. That wasn’t me.

Yet it looked like the apple didn’t fall far.

I didn’t need Kershaw to tell me I was handling this all wrong. My inner voice was more than up to the job.

“This is the only way forward I can see, T. I don’t want to compromise on the nanny and it’s not fair to expect Elle, Adeline, or anyone else to fix this.”

Theo had uttered a long string of epithets that would have made a nun blush.

“How important is this year, Lars?”

“I know how?—”

“How important?” He sounded as serious as I’d ever heard him. It was likely his last year in the pros. This was it for him.

“Very.”

“There’s only so far you can take this lone wolf act.

You’re part of a team. The Rebels, sure, but more importantly, mine.

Team Fucking Kershaw. Never mind Mabel, I’m the person you need to be pleasing!

” That made me smile. I knew his game, but his argument was mighty entertaining, so I let him run with it.

“And you think that taking time off and upsetting the greatest defensive partnership in the league is your best move?”

“Selfish of me, I know.”

“Damn right it’s selfish! And if Mabel knew anything about hockey or could even talk, she’d tell you I’m right.

Also, you seem to have forgotten that you’ve never won the Cup.

” As if that data point had escaped me. “I’ve already won it four times, so another one is just gravy, but I’m going all out this year to solidify your legacy.

I’ll talk to Addy again about taking on the gig. ”

“She’s already helping with interviews. That’s the extent of her involvement, so leave it be.”

I had hung up on a grumbling Kershaw and tried not to get hung up on the fact that Adeline as Mabel’s nanny would solve most of my problems, while creating several more.

All because of what I’d overheard a year ago.

I think you’re the sexiest guy alive.

I wasn’t fool enough to think Adeline still felt that way.

She’d traveled the world, gained a wealth of experience, probably met some scruffy backpacker closer to her age, and had forgotten all about me.

In the bar the other night, she’d been cool about it, mature and even-handed.

Since then, she’d given no indication that her crush might be still operational.

In my line of work, I had women throwing themselves at me a lot—witness my current predicament—but rarely did I have women un throwing themselves.

Denying their intent after an initial showing of cards.

I had a feeling that if Adeline stuck around to help in a more hands-on capacity, I might start wondering more about this woman and how sexy she looked in that dress last night.

I couldn’t think about that, not if I valued my career, my sanity, and frankly, my balls.

“Lars?”

I blinked my way back into the conversation. Adeline was trying to get my attention.

“What’s that?”

“Did you have any additional questions for Janet?”

Janet. Candidate number four. Or was it five? I took a quick glance down at the clipboard Adeline had dropped in my lap several hours ago, observed wryly that I’d made zero notations, and decided to end this farce before I said anything that made me look more foolish than I felt.

“No, nothing.” Standing, I extended my hand, the same move that ended all the other interviews.

“Thanks for coming in.” Adeline smiled and led Janet toward the door. “We’ll be in touch with the agency when we’ve reviewed all the applications.”

The door closed and Adeline pivoted to face me. “She’s probably the best one of the bunch. Though the girl with the childhood education degree was nice as well.”

“Book learning,” I muttered. “What good is that without experience?” I could read a book. Would it make me a good father? Negative.

“She has experience as well with a family in Wisconsin. Good references.”

“If they’re to be believed.”

She squinted at me. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? We just spent ten hours?—”

“Three.”

Was that all? “Talking to these strangers about looking after this little stranger, who sees me as a stranger. Don’t you think that’s weird?”

“No weirder than a woman doing a drive-by after a hockey game and dropping your kid off in a bar. This is uncharted territory, Lars.”

She sounded so calm about it, but this wasn’t her life. She would go home and get on with her day, her week, her year. If Mabel was really my kid, and I suspected she was, then I needed to sack up.

I rubbed my mouth, wishing I could rub on a smile.

The baby monitor burst into life. During the interviews, I’d listened to it while Adeline asked the questions.

Every now and then, there’d be a breathy murmur, and my feet would itch to investigate.

But nothing much would follow, so I supposed Mabel was okay.

Sleeping while everyone else worked their asses off to take care of her.

Babies, what a life.

“I’d better go check on her.”

I headed toward the kitchen where Adeline had stashed Mabel during the interviews, reasoning that we wanted her close in case we needed to spring into action. The baby was awake, her wide blue eyes gazing up at the ceiling. Did she have any idea what was going on?

Note to self: buy a book on baby brain development.

Her little cry had sounded more urgent on the monitor. Now, she was just gurgling away happily, clearly an attention-seeker like her mom. As a strategy, I couldn’t fault it. I stood over her, checking her out and making sure my instinct—that she was doing fine—was the correct one.

“She needs to be fed,” Adeline prompted behind me.

So much for instinct. Of course Mabel wanted something. I would need to learn this babble lingo of hers quickly.

Heating formula and using the bottle warmer was now officially in my daddy skillset yet I was still conscious of Adeline’s eyes on me as I went through the steps. Once I’d pressed the button on the warmer, I turned to her.

“How’d I do?”

“With what?” She had averted her gaze to the clipboard.

“Did I get the formula warming right?” I worried that the baby didn’t have breast milk. What was Vicki doing? Was she pumping and dumping, a phrase I’d always assumed was sexual, but now I understood in a different context? Because that sounded wasteful, and now I was mad at her all over again.

“You seem to be doing just fine.”

“Well, it’s hard to fuck up.” I winced at swearing in front of the kid. In front of Adeline, who was my teammate’s daughter. Not that it made her a child, but she occupied a weird place in my psyche.

“You’re going to get through this, Lars. And speaking of getting through it …” She consulted the clipboard on which she’d made a shit-ton of notes because she was diligent like that. “If I had to pick, I’d say Janet was the best candidate.”

That was the last one. While I hadn’t paid complete attention to the questioning, I’d picked up on a vibe from her. She’d spent much of the interview trying to meet my gaze, and when it happened a couple of times, she’d push out her chest. Like I needed to know she had tits or something.

“She seemed … forward.”

“You want someone who’s sure and certain around the baby. This isn’t a job for wilting violets.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be fighting off the nanny either.”

She looked like I’d slapped her. “What does that mean?”

“Didn’t you see how she was kind of making eyes at me?”

Her lips parted. “Well, yes. But they all were, even the grandmotherly one. Shona.”

“The one who asked about ‘extra duties’—”

“And winked. Yeah.” Adeline laughed softly. “That got your attention.”

I shook my head. “Sorry if it looked like I wasn’t completely present. I was listening out for Her Majesty. Worried she might choke or something.”

“So you’re going to have some admirers. As long as they’re professional.”

Sure, but if they couldn’t stay professional throughout the interview, I didn’t hold out much hope for ongoing boundaries.

The warmer beeped and I extracted the bottle like I was dismantling a nuclear bomb. Out it came, without touching the sides. I wiped my brow.

“Need a napkin there, Doctor?”

That made me chuckle. Adeline had a dry sense of humor, much more deadpan than her dad. More like Elle.

I placed the bottle on the counter. “Every little thing seems fraught with peril. I get one thing wrong, and it’ll all come crashing down.”

“Catastrophizing is your go-to, it seems.”

Maybe. As a kid, I lived in fear of doing the wrong thing, upsetting the great Sven. Mistakes led to verbal put-downs, slaps, and worse.

Now I’d made a huge unforced error, fathering the child of a married woman, and I could hear Sven’s voice, my constant critic. Loser screws up again. Why am I surprised?

“Let’s get this princess fed, then.” I picked her up, and once satisfied she was comfortable, I nudged her tiny pink lips with the teat of the bottle. She latched on like a barnacle, which made me laugh.

“She knows who’s got the goods.” Adeline’s voice was soft and empathetic.

“What do you think I should do, Adeline?”

“About?”

Everything. But one thing at a time. “The nanny. Which one would work the best?”

“Probably Janet. You’re going to be too tired to sleep with her, so I wouldn’t worry about her making advances. Unless you come home and find her in your bed, then I guess all bets are off.”

I couldn’t help my surprise at such direct teasing and when I looked up from Mabel’s fierce suckling, I found a blushing Adeline.

“That’s kind of specific.”

“I don’t know why I—forget I even went there.”

Okay. “Thing is, I’m not sure any of these candidates are right. Maybe we should interview more.”

She bit her lip. “This is your call, Lars. Of course you want the right person for Mabel. But in the meantime, you have a dilemma. The team needs you, so taking time away from your job isn’t really the answer.

This is likely my dad’s final season, so you know he wants to go out with a bang.

In fact, your time on ice could be better and if you’re distracted with your home life, then how is that going to improve? ”

“My TOI? How’d you make that out?”

She waved that off. “Oh, I just watch the stats. It’s kind of a hobby of mine. Listen, maybe I could help with the childcare aspect for longer. Only I don’t want to shoehorn my way in if that’s not what?—”

I held up a hand. “Yes! Of course I need your help. I’m not going to look that gift horse in the mouth.”

At which point my gaze dipped to her mouth in anticipation of the gift it would truly be.

I dragged my eyes away to find her staring at me.

Busted. This was so not the complication I needed, yet rush-importing a stranger into my house to look after my daughter sounded worse.

I didn’t want to look back on these days and regret that I handled her childcare in a half-assed manner, even if Mabel turned out not to be mine.

She’s yours. Just accept it.

“I could stay for a few days to tide you over for the next couple of games and more nanny interviews? How does that sound?”

Absolutely perfect. The weird sexual awareness I felt around her was something I could control. I had no choice. Still, I needed to be sure I wasn’t pressuring her.

“Adeline, are you sure you want to do this?”