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Natalie

S ven and Conner headed out the door. There was a part of her that ached to pull him back and make him promise not to leave her side, but he needed to get things for them, and he knew Winnie would wake up hungry, and she only had enough formula in the diaper bag for one more bottle. She thought about texting him to make sure he didn’t forget her formula, but she knew she didn’t need to. He would know. He knew how to take care of Winnie and how to take care of her, too.

Only now, everything was so messed up. She should probably just leave and not be a drain on them. That’s how she felt. She felt like a drain, like all the wonderful people she had met here would be better off if she’d never come.

“What are you thinking?” said Sasha asked Hillary.

“That I’m fucking pissed. That this whole thing is because of the motherfucking Moms Fighting For Freedom and their book-banning, homophobic, white-supremacist, alt-right bullshit. Fuck them!” Hillary shook her head.

Natalie laughed. As unlikely as it was and as angry as she was at all of this, Hillary spoke the fucking truth.

“Fuck them!” Sasha echoed back.

“Fuck them,” Natalie said, nudging the building ball of anger she was trying desperately to avoid.

Once that anger was out, she didn’t think she could control it.

Hillary let out a breath and sat back in her chair. “At least tomorrow is a rest day, so we can all just lie low for the day, but we are going to need to get a jump on because this something we need to deal with.”

Sasha nodded. “But we have your back, Natalie.”

“Oh, yes, we do. Don’t doubt that for a second,” Hillary echoed.

Natalie nodded.

It did feel good to hear them say that, but she didn’t know how to feel. There was a maelstrom of feelings inside of her. The weight of being a burden threatened to drag her down while the growing ball of rage inside of her threatened to explode.

Instead, she just nodded and said, “Thank you.”

It was easier to keep the pleasant smile on her face than to give way to the growing war inside.

Winnie stirred in her arms. She’d been sleeping most of this time, and it was way after her bedtime. They needed to get her to sleep, but everything was just such a mess.

“Why don’t I show you to the guest room? We don’t have anything for Winnie to sleep in...” Sasha said with a look of concern.

“I’m sure Sven will bring the Pack ’N Play,” Natalie said.

“Should you remind him?” Hillary asked.

“He’s her father. He’s got it.”

Both women looked at her like she’d grown another head. She almost forgot that most fathers weren’t as up on what their baby would need, but Sven was not a clueless, bumbling father. That’s part of what she loved about him.

That thought stopped her in her tracks.

That she loved him.

Did she love him? If she was being honest with herself, she did. Somewhere along the line of watching him with Winnie, the late-night conversations, and all the incredible sex, she’d fallen in love with Sven Olsson.

“Okay, well, let’s reconvene in the morning and get a plan of action,” said Hillary as she stood. “We’re going to figure this out, Natalie,” she said, looking her squarely in the face.

The guilt Natalie felt over being everyone’s problem threatened to overtake her. But she wasn’t the problem. The problem was squarely on the hateful people who had put her in this situation, and, in turn, put these new people in this situation.

Hatred has a ripple effect, and if you allow it to go unchecked, it reaches far and wide. She didn’t know how, but it was going to stop here and now.

Natalie blew out a breath and nodded. Quietly, she followed Sasha up the stairs into a guest bedroom.

“Thank you for this,” Natalie said through her emotion.

“Please, think nothing of it. We’re a family, and we protect our own. We’ll figure this out,” she said as she put her hand on arm. “You just get settled with this little cutie, and Sven and Conner will be back soon.”

Sasha shut the door behind her. The ambient light from the window was the only light in the room. Settling on the bed, she lay Winnie next to her. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. Screaming and throwing things wouldn’t have been helpful, even though she was dying to. This was affecting her life and the life of others. She needed to find a way to stop this problem at the source, but the rage was pulling her down. A rage she did not even begin to know how to deal with.