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Sven

S ven closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and got in his car. He was being an ass and knew she had every right to be pissed at him, but he just couldn’t seem to help himself. As he was about to start up his car, there was a small knock on his window. He looked over to see Murphy standing outside.

“Hey, man, I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t know you and Natalie were a thing.”

“We’re not.”

“Really? It sure seemed like it.”

Sven ran his hand through his hair as he blew out a breath. “Yeah... I think there might be some feelings there. It’s complicated.”

“I get it. She’s a sweet girl. Be careful with her.”

Sven nodded.

“Are we good?” Murphy asked.

“Yeah, we’re good. I’m sorry for being an ass.”

“No worries. We all have our nights... some of us more than others,” Murphy said with his good-natured smile.

“Fuck off,” Sven said on a chuckle.

“Alright, man,” Murphy said as he patted Sven’s door. “See you at practice on Wednesday.”

Sven drove home and was happy to see Natalie’s car in the driveway. At least she came home.

He walked in, and Conner and Sasha were on the couch with Winnie.

“Thank you so much,” Sven said as he walked in.

“Oh, it was no problem. I haven’t had a chance to watch such a little cutie in a long time,” Sasha said as she gave Winnie’s belly a little tickle.

“You guys look pretty good with a baby,” Sven said. “Is there a baby McPhee in the future?”

“Many baby McPhees,” Conner said, wagging his eyebrows.

“We have a wedding to plan first. Did you get the save-the-date?” she asked Sven.

“I did. It’s already on the fridge.”

“Good,” she said as she stood, and Winnie reached for him.

“Hi, sweet girl,” he said, scooping her from Sasha’s arms.

After they left, Sven got her down to bed. While he was rocking her, he couldn’t get Natalie’s face out of his mind.

Murphy was right, and he definitely had feelings for her, but he wasn’t sure if he was in the right place to act on it. It was getting harder and harder to ignore. He needed to talk to her if she would even talk to him after he had shown his ass earlier.

He picked up the baby monitor and slipped it into his pocket before making his way to the pool house. From the house, he could see the lights on. As he made his way across the yard, he heard music coming from the pool house.

He knocked on the window, but she couldn’t hear him over the music. When he peered in and noticed she had an open bag sitting on the couch, he didn’t like that one bit. A little louder, he knocked on the door, but she still couldn’t hear him. Finally, he banged on the window, making her jump.

She came over to the door and slipped it open. “What do you want?”

“Can I come in?”

“It’s your house.”

She pulled open the door, turned back into the bedroom, and got out more clothes.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going back to Sydney’s,” she said as she dropped another armful of clothes into the open bag.

“Why?”

She put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

“Look, I know I was out of line. I’m sorry about tonight.”

He waited for her to say something, but she just stared at him, chewing on her bottom lip.

“Are you leaving?”

The fight left her face, and she deflated. He almost wished her anger was back. He liked that better than this.

“I’m just not sure if living here is a good idea. I’ll still watch Winnie, but maybe we should go back to just staying here when you’re on road trips.”

“No,” Sven said, like it was going to make any difference. He crossed the room to her. His hands itched to reach out and hold her, but he didn’t.

“What do you mean no?”

“I don’t know, Natalie,” he said, dragging his hand through his hair. “I don’t like that. I think it works better when you live here.”

Sven meant that. It was definitely easier with her here, and he knew that wasn’t the only reason.

She put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Okay . . . AND I like having you here.”

He plopped down on the couch and put his head in his hands, then blew out a breath. “I know I was out of line tonight. I just don’t like the thought of you with Murphy.”

“I’m not with him. And I wouldn’t be after tonight. You made sure of that.”

Sven stood to protest, but Natalie held her hands up. “But there would still be nothing. I was just going to meet some new people. I really like Alice.”

Sven relaxed back onto the couch.

“I get it. I’m still sorry. I’m not used to all of this. I’m not used to... I don’t know... caring so much.”

And once he said it, he knew that was only part of it. He wasn’t used to caring about someone the way he cared about her, but it was more than that. He had real feelings for her, and maybe it was time they talked about it.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re so good with Winnie.”

Hand on her hips, she stood there with her head cocked to the side. Her expression had him second guessing all his life choices.

“Okay... I’ll level with you. I’m a mess right now. In the past three months I have found out I had a baby, became the sole caregiver of her because her mother robbed me and left her with me, and now I have feelings for my nanny. I’m a mess.”

Her hands fell off her hips, and her look softened.

“What?”

“I know it’s bad. I know I shouldn’t have these feelings for you, but I just don’t know what to do about it.”

He finally found the courage to look er in the eye. She was evaluating him in a way that left him feeling laid bare.

She moved over and sat on the couch next to him. “Well... I’m still mad at you.”

He nodded. “You have every right to be. I was out of line.”

“What are we going to do?”

He shrugged.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay... I’ll stay here, but you can’t do that again, Sven. I mean it.”

He turned his body to her fully on the couch. “I won’t.”

She nodded, taking him in, chewing on her lip.

“Do you... like him?” Sven said in a voice even he barely recognized.

“I don’t know... No. But it’s not about that. Just because I don’t want to date Murphy doesn’t mean you get to swoop in like that,” she said, stopping him with a finger.

He was happy she didn’t have any feelings for Murphy... but that left him with one more question. Knowing this was a bad idea, he knew he should’ve let it go, but he couldn’t help himself. Self-control had never been something he was very good at.

“Do you...” He knew he shouldn’t say it, but he couldn’t help it. “Do you have feelings for me?”

She closed her eyes, and her pained expression tore at his heart.

“Sven, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

He nodded. It wasn’t a no, but it wasn’t a yes, either. This whole thing was such a mess.

“I’ll stay, but I think we should keep it strictly professional.”

Those words landed like boulders in his chest. That was not what he wanted, but if it was all she was comfortable with, it would have to be enough. She was so good for Winnie. And honestly, she was too good for him, and he knew it.

“Okay, I can do that.”

“Good,” she said as she wrapped her arms around her stomach.

“Okay, I’m gonna go back in...” He stood.

“Okay,” she said, not meeting his eye.

“Are we good?” he asked, eyeing her nervously.

She nodded.

“Okay,” he said and turned to leave. He made it over to the door, but he felt like his feet were magnetized to the floor.

He didn’t want to leave things like this, but she needed her space.

“I really am sorry about tonight,” he said, looking back at her.

“I’ll talk to you later.”

He nodded and let himself out the sliding door.

Rain started falling on him as he made his way to the house.

What the fuck was he doing? She was here for Winnie. He needed to get over his feelings for his nanny. There was part of him that thought of her as so much more than that, but it was clear she didn’t feel the same way. Sure, after the dream he’d overheard he thought she might feel the same, but you can want to fuck someone and not care about them. And, fuck, that hurt more than he cared to admit. There was a reason why he played the field as much as he did. Life was much easier when emotions weren’t involved, but even as much as this hurt, Natalie was worth it.

When he got to his house, he paused and looked up into the cloudy night sky. The clouds blocked out any moonlight. But something about the rain streaming down his face let him pretend that he wasn’t crying. When he got in his house and the rain was gone, he would have to deal with these tears. So, he just stood there, feeling the rain on his face, pretending everything was fine... when everything was absolutely fucked.