Page 42
I snuggle deeper into the couch, attempting to focus on the TV. But I fail miserably, because my thoughts keep spinning, no matter how hard I try to quiet them.
Pia insisted I attend my morning lectures even though I wanted to spend the day entertaining her. In the end, I’m glad I went, even if all it did was keep my mind preoccupied with other things for a few hours.
When lunchtime rolled around, we met at Kneadful for a bite to eat. Afterward, I showed her around campus. It was exactly the type of day I needed, and I managed to get through it without breaking down.
But now that we’re back at my apartment, not even my comfort show is enough to keep my mind from spiraling.
I haven’t heard from Levi, except for a single “I love you” text this morning. And I haven’t seen him since he walked out of my bedroom yesterday.
I know it’s because I asked for time, and he’s respecting that, but I also know I can’t keep dragging us down this uncertain path. I need to either let him go or forgive him so we can move forward.
Except now, I’m starting to think that maybe there’s nothing to forgive. My gut tells me something isn’t right, that this isn’t like last time. I can’t explain it, but I feel it bubbling beneath the surface, urging me to pay attention.
The night I saw the video, I was in such shock that my brain couldn’t comprehend anything else. Now, however, logic is catching up to me, and something isn’t adding up. If I’m honest, it never did.
Maybe a part of me is trying to justify his actions because I’m still holding on to the hope that we can figure this out, but it’s more than that. Something pleaded with me to listen the night Levi walked away from me at the party, but I chalked it up to paranoia.
The one thing that keeps replaying in my mind is how Levi looked at me when he came over. It’s what made me step back, reassess the situation, and rethink everything I thought I knew.
When Hunter cheated, he looked guilty. He looked like someone who got caught doing something bad, bad enough that he couldn’t even look me in the eye because he knew there was no denying what he had done.
Levi looked broken . Like someone about to lose everything, and there was nothing he could do but watch it crash and burn around him.
I can’t shake the look of agony in his eyes. But I also can’t find it within myself to let what happened go so easily, at least not then. I didn’t want to be so naively in love that I forgave what I couldn’t forget.
And what I can’t forget is the video. Everything always comes back to that video.
What I first thought was a heated moment of passion now seems orchestrated, if not a little creepy.
What are the odds that the person in the video was dressed like me, with waist-length blonde hair, too? And that a phone was conveniently nearby, ready to record the whole thing? But if it was orchestrated, who would be cruel enough to do something like that?
I sit up straight, the answer hitting me smack bang in the chest, knocking every bit of sense into me. “Holy shit, Pia.”
Her startled gaze meets mine. “What?”
“Grab my phone and play the video.” I’d do it myself if it weren’t on the end table closest to her.
“What video?” She frowns, but whatever she sees in my expression must make her understand, because she shakes her head. “No, Bear, that’s not a good idea. You’re only going to hurt yourself more.”
“That’s the thing,” I say quickly, my thoughts going a mile a minute. “I think someone was trying to hurt me. Or possibly Levi. I don’t know yet, but I think the video could hold the answers.”
Her brows dip lower. “What? I’m not following.”
I don’t want to say anything more until I’ve seen the video again. Even then, I might not find what I’m looking for, but it’s worth a shot—a painful shot. I don’t want to see it, but I need to know if what I’m thinking is right.
“Play it, but screen mirror it to the TV.”
Pia lets out a strangled noise and stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “If this is some weird form of reverse psychology to help you get over him, just know I don’t support it.”
Despite the ball of anxiety I feel over what I’m about to do, I laugh. “It’s not that. I think I missed something the first time.”
After some more grumbling from her, she does as I ask.
When the video starts, I feel the familiar prickle of queasiness as I watch it. It’s no easier than it was the first time, but I make a conscious effort to push my emotions aside.
I swallow the lump in my throat when the girl takes a step forward. Her intentions are clear, almost calculated. And as much as I want to squeeze my eyes shut when his hands move toward her waist, I force myself to keep watching.
Those same hands that once gripped my waist with such tenderness and care are now on someone else’s skin. My hands itch to turn off the TV, but I fight the urge.
I take a deep, steady breath and focus on the small details I missed the first time, like how his movements are more uncoordinated than I realized. His grip is too firm to be considered a lover’s caress.
These things might have gone unnoticed by someone else, but over the past few weeks, I’ve studied Levi’s body language. Both consciously when I’d watch his practices for my assignment and subconsciously when we were intimate.
What I thought was him pulling her onto his lap now seems more like he’s trying to stop her from coming closer.
Maybe. I don’t know.
I chew my lip, my thoughts a jumbled mess.
I need something more concrete that doesn’t make me sound completely crazy when I explain this to my best friend. I need—
“There!” I practically jump off the couch as I point to the screen just before it goes blank. “Pause it and back up two seconds, then zoom in as far as possible.”
Pia follows my instructions. The static frame enlarges, becoming more grainy, but what we’re looking at becomes more obvious.
“Oh my gosh,” Pia breathes, staring at me wide-eyed. Slowly, her head turns back to the TV, “Is that—”
“A Wig?” I finish for her. “Yeah. That’s exactly what it is.”
And peeking out from under it is the color I suspected we’d find. Thank God she did such a shitty job of putting it on. It’s the only real proof that my theory might not be a theory after all.
“It’s not so far-fetched to think whoever it is was wearing one. It was Halloween, after all. The whole point of the holiday is to dress up as someone else.”
“That’s true,” I agree.
Levi should have known it wasn’t me seducing him, even if it was her real hair. If you can even call what’s happening between them ‘seduction.’
His sluggish movements make it look like he’s not putting up much of a fight. But there could be another reason for that—a reason that makes me sick to think about but would seamlessly fit into this weird, messed-up puzzle.
I quickly fill Pia in on my theory. Including the odd threats over the last few months. The ones I brushed off as nothing but now might have been the catalyst that started all of this.
“Shit, Bear,” Pia says, still in shock. “If you’re right, then this is so beyond fucked up.”
“I know, but I’m not sure about the last part.” I nibble my lip. The thought of accusing someone of doing something so terrible makes me hesitant. “What if I’m wrong about that?”
If I am wrong, it means Levi willingly entered the room with her. Who she is wouldn’t even matter. We’d be over either way.
“You won’t know until you talk to him, but if your gut tells you this could be the answer, listen to it.
You’re not the only one who thought something about this whole thing seemed off.
” Pia says gently. “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to feel like I was disregarding your feelings. You had every right to be upset.”
I nod, understanding where she’s coming from and knowing she’ll stick by me no matter what. We’re each other’s biggest confidants; at the end of the day, we only want to see each other happy.
“We could go over there now and see if he’s home?” I say, feeling more hopeful than I did this morning.
Pia presses a button on the side of my phone, lighting up the screen. When she looks up at me, her mouth pulls to one side.
“I wish I could. But I need to book my ride soon to make it to the airport on time.”
Shit, that’s right. I didn’t realize how much time had passed since we got back to my apartment.
I was supposed to work tonight, but Elsie texted me earlier, offering to cover my shift so I could spend more time with Pia. After that, I didn’t even bother keeping an eye on the time.
Pia hands me my phone. “I don’t want you sitting on this until I leave. The sooner you talk to Levi, the sooner you can clear up this mess.”
“Thank you for everything.” I feel like I’ve lived two different lives alone this weekend, and she’s been there with me through both.
“I’m your best friend. It’s like an unwritten rule that we go through shit together,” she teases.
I grin. “True.”
For the first time in days, the tightness in my chest loosens. It feels good to feel something other than sadness again.
“Now go.” She playfully shoos me off the couch. “Update me as soon as possible, even if I’m already in the air. I’ll see your text when I land.”
After promising her I will, the rest of our goodbye is short and sweet. We'll see each other again during Thanksgiving break, which is only a few weeks away.
While Pia double-checks that she hasn’t left anything behind, I make the short walk to Levi’s apartment.
I know my theory isn’t foolproof. Maybe I’m clutching at straws, trying to make something out of nothing. But what Levi and I had felt like the realest, rawest love I’ve ever known.
Love like that isn’t one-sided. Nor is it something you discard like it’s nothing.
And what’s love if you’re not willing to fight for it?
Table of Contents
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- Page 42 (Reading here)
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