Page 30

Winston twists and turns, leaping up from the grass, when he spots Levi walking toward us with a leash. He bends down, letting Winston lick his free hand. My heart warms as I watch their sweet interaction.

Once Levi clips the leash securely onto the harness around Winston’s body, he straightens and looks up at me. “Ready to head out?”

“Ready whenever you are.” I grin.

We say our goodbyes to Ms. May, promising to return Winston on time.

Then we walk hand in hand back to the car, with Winston trotting happily beside us.

***

We’ve spent the last hour walking through a wooded trail with Winston. It’s a beautifully sunny morning, the crisp air carrying the scent of fall. After another few more minutes down a well-worn path, we reach a clearing.

“Wow,” I say, my breath catching at the sight.

A small body of water rests against a backdrop of orange and red-leaved trees and dense shrubbery. Sunlight glistens off the water’s surface, causing it to shimmer. It’s peaceful—just us and the calming sounds of nature.

Levi sets his backpack down on the ground and unclips the leash from Winston. “This is the spot.”

“Should you be letting him roam free?” I ask, shifting my gaze from the water to Winston, who sniffs the ground until he finds a stick to play with.

“I usually wouldn’t, but he has great recall,” Levi says, pulling out a blanket from his backpack and laying it on the ground for us to sit on. He also fills a dog bowl with water for Winston, then pulls out two bottles for us.

Sitting cross-legged, I smile as Winston makes a beeline for the water. He stops at the edge, inspecting the water with his adorable black nose. We both laugh when he tentatively dips a front paw into the water, only to retreat immediately.

“I brought him here last weekend, and he wouldn’t even go near it, so I think he’s making progress,” Levi says, watching Winston bravely try again.

“Is this where you bring all the dogs?”

“Mostly, but it depends on the dog. It’s great in summertime because they can cool down in the water.”

I wrap my arms around my legs, resting my chin on my knees. The fresh, clean air feels good. It’s not the salty sea breeze I grew up with, but it’s a smell that’s beginning to feel like home.

Or perhaps it’s the man next to me who’s beginning to feel that way—the one who’s shown me that good men still exist. The one who makes an effort. The one who stayed, even when I tried pushing him away.

And I did try to keep Levi at arm’s length for as long as possible. But somewhere along the way, our little moments became big ones. Turning my back on whatever this is doesn’t feel like the better option anymore.

“What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”

I turn my head to look at Levi. “I’m thinking about home,” I admit.

His lips tip up slightly. “California?”

Not exactly, but I nod, anyway. It’s the lifeline I need to keep from saying too much.

“I grew up not far from the beach. Being close to water again feels comforting.”

“Do you miss it?”

Do I? Yes and no. It’s not like I can’t go back, and who knows where I’ll end up doing my post-graduate program.

“There’s a part of me that will always miss it. It’s home, you know?” I unwrap my arms from my legs and sit up straighter. “And I consider myself lucky to have family and friends who made it hard for me to leave.”

“Why did you leave, then?” Levi clears his throat. “I know you said you wanted a fresh start, but it doesn’t sound like it was an easy decision.”

Even though Hunter is the last person I want to bring up, I don’t want Levi to feel like I’m keeping something from him. Or act like I have this secret life I don’t want him to know about.

Everyone has a past, and the good and bad parts shape us. Some people come into your life and deserve to know both.

Being in a long-term relationship that didn’t work out doesn’t make me unique. And it certainly doesn’t make Levi less deserving of knowing why I wanted to start over.

So, I take a deep, brave breath and just say it.

“I left because my ex-boyfriend cheated on me last semester. Or at least, that’s when I found out about it.

” Who knows how long it had been happening behind my back?

“And I wanted to start somewhere new. A place where I wasn’t constantly reminded that I wasn’t enough for someone. ”

I’ve never admitted the last part to anyone. Not even to myself. Next to me, Levi curses under his breath. But I can’t get myself to look at him yet. It’s easier to stare at a ball of fluff than at the man who makes me feel like I matter.

Levi’s voice sounds vulnerable as he asks, “Do you still love him?”

“God, no,” I huff out a weak laugh. “Don’t get me wrong, I cared about him.

But that was part of the problem. I cared so much that I was blind to so many things that hinted at him being unfaithful.

” I pluck at a blade of grass from a small patch growing between the stony soil.

“What he did is unforgivable. Now, I kind of hate him.” This time, I meet Levi’s gaze. “Does that make me a bad person?”

His face softens, and he takes my hand in his. “No, Bear. That makes you human .”

I manage a weak smile. “It’s been hard to trust again. To trust myself that next time I’ll see the signs.”

“You shouldn’t have to see any signs,” Levi says, sounding upset on my behalf. “He fucked up, Bear, and that’s on him, not you.”

I shrug. What else is there to say to that? Yes, I shouldn’t need to look for any signs, but shitty people still exist.

Winston walks over and plops down on the blanket between us as if sensing that I need his comforting presence.

Levi squeezes my hand. “Thank you for telling me. I always wondered if there was more to the story,” he admits, his tone softer now. “But I didn’t want to push you.”

Figuring I may as well stick with the whole honesty thing, I tell him something that’s been on my mind lately. “I thought I made a mistake moving here. That I took the easy way out.”

“And now?” He stares at me, a storm of emotions whirling in his eyes.

“I think I ended up right where I was meant to be,” I admit.

“Bear,” Levi closes his eyes, his voice raw with emotion. “I don’t want to sleep with you again.”

“What?” My mouth goes dry, and I can hear the blood rushing in my ears at his confession.

Oh God, this is the part where he’s so overcome with guilt from my story that he’s either going to tell me about a secret girlfriend or that I have too much baggage.

He’s a guy. Of course, he doesn’t do the whole emotional word vomit. The hand still holding mine tightens when I try to pull away.

“Fuck, no, it was—shit. I’m messing this up.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “What I’m trying to say is you deserve so much more than just being someone I sleep with.”

“I still don’t understand what you’re saying.” To my ears, my voice sounds far away. I thought the sex was good, but maybe it was only me.

“You’ve been honest with me, and I want to be honest with you.” He looks serious, not a trace of humor on his face. “I want so much more with you and don’t want to keep pretending I don’t.”

Is he implying what I think he is?

“Like a relationship?” I swallow thickly, knowing how much trust that would require of me.

Until now, everything felt safe and easy. If we walked away today, no one would get hurt. Although, I don't know how true that still is.

It was always one day at a time with him. Now, we’re talking about a future together.

“Yes, and I know you may not be ready after what you told me. Hell, I might be fucking up with the timing of even saying this right now.” Nervous laughter trickles out of him. “But I want to prove to you that not everyone is like him.”

“I’m scared,” I admit softly, looking down at our intertwined hands.

And not because I can’t see myself with Levi. I can see it so clearly that the thought of messing it up terrifies me.

“I know you are. But, I promise, you’re safe with me. This,” he says, placing a hand over my heart, “is safe with me, Teddy Bear.”

My heart is pounding, and I know he can feel it beneath his palm. The answer is obvious when I focus on what the beating organ wants, but it’s when my head gets involved that I want to run in the other direction.

We’ve reached a metaphorical fork in the road, and my choice will lead us down one of two paths. Either I play it safe, or I take a risk.

I don’t know if my heart can survive another beating, but I can’t keep living in a world of made-up fear. Of what-ifs, that might never happen.

And I won’t let other people’s actions dictate my life choices.

No more pushing good people away because of one bad one. Yes, I’m scared. But I’d rather be loved and scared than lonely and afraid. With my decision made, I push to my feet, pulling Levi up with me.

“Bear, you’re killing me over here.” He groans when I still haven’t said anything.

I take his face in my hands. “I want to give us a chance.” Clear. Certain. A hint of nervousness, but confident words nonetheless.

I’m willing to put my reservations and fears aside to see where this goes with him. He makes me want to try.

Levi’s shoulders relax, and he exhales a shaky breath.

“Thank fuck.” His smile is so broad that the outer corners of his beautiful eyes crinkle.

He picks me up and spins me in his arms. I hold on tight to him, our laughter echoing around us. Even Winston joins in, barking his approval as his tail wags a mile a minute.

Levi sets me down, but only long enough to kiss me—hard—and when we break apart, the heat in his eyes is full of dirty promises.

“Let’s go home. I want to celebrate this properly.”

“I like the way you think, Whiskey Eyes.” I grin.