Page 6 of Spark

But then, I’ll be damned, on the last night of the tour, Tracy told me she’d fallen deeply, madly in love with me.

And when I told her I didn’t feel the same way and didn’t want to continue the relationship, she didn’t take it well.

In fact, she said some things that made me realize I’d kind of been a dick without meaning to be.

I couldn’t help the way I felt, but I kind of knew she was falling for me and I looked the other way.

“You were dating Finn when I got with Tracy, and he wasn’t exactly someone to write home about.”

Ruby pulls a face. “What does Finn have to do with anything?”

“I’m just saying.”

“Saying what?”

“That people sometimes get with people they later regret.”

“I don’t regret Finn. He was nice. And fun. A total cutie pie. ”

“Oh.”

“Was it deep and meaningful? No. Was he long-term boyfriend material? No. But not everything has to be serious. Honestly, after three months of Cooper love-bombing me and talking about me having his babies, a meaningless fling is the only thing that sounds even remotely attractive to me right now.” She sips her drink.

“Speaking of Tracy, Titus said you’ve been a monk this whole tour because nobody’s caught your eye, but I said it’s because Tracy’s made you once bitten, twice shy . Who’s right?”

“It’s nice to know you and Titus gossip about me behind my back.”

“We gossip about everyone. If it makes you feel any better, we’ve been gossiping about Kai the most lately. It used to be Savage. But ever since he got married, there’s nothing juicy to say about him anymore. He’s kind of boring these days.”

“In the best possible way.”

“Right?” She grins. “I’m so happy for him.”

“I’ve never seen him happier.” That’s saying a lot for a guy who’s known Savage since age twelve.

Ruby rolls her eyes. “Kai, on the other hand? My god. Is your brother going through a quarter-life crisis or what?”

Does it bother Ruby, whenever she finds out Kai’s fucked yet another rando in another city, or has she long since gotten over her heartbreak about the way he rejected her years ago? For years, I’ve been dying to ask Ruby her side of that story, but I’ve been too afraid it might crush me.

“So, why no tour fling this time?” Ruby pushes, running a fingertip over a drop of moisture on the bar. “Seems to me you’re avoiding the question.”

“Why are you so obsessed with my sex life?”

“I just want to know who’s right about you—Titus or me?”

“You make it sound like I can ‘pick’ women like picking apples off a tree. It doesn’t work that way. It’s got to be a two-way street.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

I finish my drink. “Maybe I’m just sick of the grind. Sick of trying to get to know new people. Sick to death of small talk.”

“Gah. Me, too.”

“Maybe it’s got less to do with Tracy and more to do with me realizing she had a point. I’m emotionally unavailable and not a good bet in relationships, even though I seem like I am.”

“You definitely seem like classic boyfriend material, on the outside. But in reality, you’re kind of a fuckboy. Like Kai.”

“What? No, I’m not. Not at all.”

“Okay, not exactly like Kai. Not as overtly, because you’re a serial monogamist rather than a hook-up artist, like him. But, still, you don’t give your truest self to anyone, any more than Kai does. Or like Savage used to do, before Laila. You always hold back.”

She’s not wrong. But if Ruby’s guidepost is that I don’t act like I do with her around anyone I’m dating, then that’s not something I’ll ever be able to change, because I’ll never have this same kind of deep trust and friendship with anyone else.

Would I like to find someone like Ruby to date?

Yes. But the truth is she’s one of a kind.

“I shouldn’t talk, though,” Ruby mumbles.

“Everything I just accused you of doing, I do too. Every. Fucking. Time.” She sighs.

“That’s why I went against my instincts and started dating Cooper in the first place.

I was so sick of trying to get to know someone new, and so sick of watching myself self-sabotage, I figured, hey, maybe dating someone who’s already a good friend would turn out differently.

Well, guess what? It didn’t. In fact, it was even worse.

A colossal mistake. One I’ll never, ever repeat. ”

My heart stops. “I dunno. I don’t think this one bad experience with Cooper should make you set such a hard and fast rule.”

“Kendrick, trust me. It’s the worst. Things get way too intense, way too fast.” She sets down her glass.

“See, the problem is, you’re already friends to start with, so when you add in the sex, they think they can skip all the early phases of a romantic relationship and zoom straight to ‘baby, we’re end game.

’” She shudders. “But, no, you can’t do that.

At least, I can’t. I need time. I need space .

It’s like, give me a minute, please.” She picks up her glass again and sips her drink.

“I mean, Cooper was fine as a friend, but the second we slept together, he got all jealous and possessive. It was like, one day, he was chill and fun, and the next, simply because he’d had his dick inside me, briefly—the boy has lots of talents, but sexual endurance isn’t one of them—he suddenly felt like he owned me.

” She snorts. “All of a sudden, he started professing his ‘undying love’ to me. Telling me he’d always secretly loved me, since the first minute he’d laid eyes on me—way back when his band opened for us.

I mean, excuse me? What kind of douchebag only pretends to be good friends with a woman because he’s secretly hoping to figure out a way to fuck her?

It’s so classic. So obvious. But I didn’t see it at all. ”

I feel like barfing, so I nod vaguely, mumble something incoherent that hopefully sounds like agreement with her comments, and flag down the bartender by wildly flinging my arm into the air.

“Another round,” I blurt when the guy comes over to take our order.

“Sure thing. Hey, are you from Chicago?”

I’m still feeling dazed and confused, not to mention tongue-tied and nauseated, from Ruby’s speech about Cooper, so I stare at the bartender blankly, hoping he’ll explain how he figured that out.

Did he google me while he was over there?

If so, I’m never going to hear the end of it from Ruby, since she already thinks my inability to pick up on this guy flirting with me is the funniest thing in the world.

The guy points at my sweatshirt. And when I look down and see the White Sox emblem on my chest, everything makes sense.

“Oh. Yeah.” I look back up. “I’m from the South Side. Born and raised.”

“Right on. I’m from Bridgeport. Go, Sox.”

“Hell yeah.” I fist-bump the guy and then point my chin at Ruby. “She’s from Evanston.”

“Ah, so you’re a Cubs fan, then?” He flashes me a knowing look about Ruby’s hometown suburb that’s right outside the city limits of Chicago.

It’s not a foolproof formula, but generally speaking, White Sox fans tend to be blue collar and from the South Side, like Kai, Savage, and me—and this guy, apparently.

Cubs fans like Ruby’s family tend to be yuppies and rich folks from areas like the North Side and the ’burbs.

“My family has always loved the Cubbies,” Ruby confirms. “But personally, I don’t give two shits about sports.”

The guy acknowledges Ruby’s comment with a chuckle, but a second later, his smile is trained back on me. “You look like you play sports.”

“Nope. Drumming is my only sport.”

Ruby touches my hand. She knows what happened to end my football dreams well enough to know I don’t want to talk about it with this guy or anyone else.

“Awesome. Okay, well, I’ll get those drinks started for you.”

“Thanks.”

As the bartender leaves, Ruby says, “Wouldn’t it be amazing if there was a fast-forward button that would let us to jump straight to the part where someone already knows us well, so we wouldn’t have to sit through all the small talk to get there? ”

“Sign me up.”

“But also , they wouldn’t think knowing you well before sex means that sex suddenly turns everything into an instant happily ever after? What’s the rush, dude? Why so serious? Some of us are young and not at all ready to settle down, you know? Je-zus.”

When she looks at me for a reply, I mutter, “Yup. Gimme that button. Sounds amazing to me.”

Ruby gasps. “You’re ready to settle down?”

I don’t know how she got that from my body language. Because, no, I’m not ready for that. Not at all. “No. Why did you say that?”

“Because you looked like you were lying.”

I shrug. “I don’t know. If I met the right person, I’d maybe be ready to settle down. But I’m also sick to death of dating total strangers, so I don’t see how that’ll ever happen.”

Ruby ponders that. “Well, on your quest to find The One, don’t bother dating a friend. At least, in my experience, it’s a terrible idea.”

“So, what then? You’re saying I’m gonna die alone?”

Ruby giggles. “No. You’re irresistible. You’ll meet the right person.” She pauses. “But if you don’t, you’ll never be alone, my darling. I’ll be right there with you, holding strong.” She raises her empty glass. “Amazing or nothing.”

I clink her empty with mine. “Amazing or nothing.”

The bartender arrives with our next round. And this time, he takes the hint and skedaddles quickly.

“Cheers,” Ruby says, clinking my new glass with hers.

“Cheers.”

“How’s your knee, by the way? Has it been bothering you from last night’s rain?”

“It’s fine.” I reflexively place a palm on my knee.

“Could your knee be affecting your sleep? ”

“The knee is fine. I’ve just been having trouble turning off my brain for some reason.”

“So it really must be that you’re horny and sex-starved, and that quarterback stole your dream. I mean, who wouldn’t have insomnia under those circumstances?”