Page 47 of Spark

RUBY

“ I ’m sorry they did that to you,” Laila says. “They’re such assholes.”

We’re in her huge dressing room, munching on box lunches while awaiting our turn to shoot the “meeting with our team” segment.

“It’s fine. I knew I made a deal with the devil to get onto the show.”

“Kendrick sticking up for you was swoony.”

I blush. “Yeah, that was really sweet.”

“Better for him to do it than you. It played better that way.”

“If I’d tried to do it, they would have made me out to be a whining, complaining little bitch, and nobody would have believed me, anyway.”

“Probably true.” She munches on a carrot stick. “You’re really okay?”

I pause to consider. “I’m better than okay, actually. I’m great. This is a dream come true, and I’m not going to let anything or anyone ruin that.”

“Hear, hear.” She clinks her sparkling water to mine. And then, with a smirk, she says, “Seems like the audience is swooning hard for Kendrick. If the show is trying to pit Kendrick against Cooper, it’s pretty clear who’s winning that battle.”

“Can you blame them? It’s no contest.”

Laila takes a bite of her sandwich. “You two seem closer than ever. You’ve had fun staying at his place, huh?”

I stare at her with narrowed eyes. I had a feeling the other day that Kendrick had told Savage about our fling, but then I got too distracted by a dildo in my ass and a dick in my vag to remember to ask about it.

Well, based on the way Laila keeps trying to steer this conversation to Kendrick, I’m thinking my hunch was right: Kendrick told his best friend everything, and his best friend then turned around and told his wife.

“What did Savage tell you?” I ask.

“About what?”

“ Laila .”

“Savage didn’t tell me anything.” She smiles broadly. “But you just did.”

“Laila, come on.”

“Okay, okay, yes, I know about you and Kendrick having a little fun while you’re staying there. But don’t blame Savage. I never believed that kiss at Reed’s party was for the hidden cameras. I know what I saw. And so does everyone else who witnessed it. You can’t fake passion like that.”

My face flushes with heat, and Laila giggles.

“So, things are going well? The sex is good?”

“Good doesn’t come close to covering it. It’s been magical. Supernatural. Transformative .”

“Oh my gosh! Are you in love? Are you official?”

I exhale. “Slow down, sister. It’s not like that. It’s just a fling—a friends-with-benefits fling that will expire when I move back into my place.”

Laila looks at me like I’ve got a horn growing out of my forehead. “How is that possible? I mean, still ? I get it to start with, but if it’s going as well as you said . . .”

“We both wanted it this way. It’s for the best. The only way we both felt comfortable to do this at all?—”

“But why ? Why have a fling when you two already love each other as friends?”

“That’s what I’m trying to explain to you. We both realized we were curious about our physical chemistry, but not enough to let lust mess up the love we already feel for each other.” Laila’s silent for so long, I can’t help asking, “What? Why are you reacting like this?”

Laila slowly chews on her sandwich. “No reason.”

“Don’t give me that. Spill, Laila.”

“There’s nothing to spill.”

“You know something.”

“I don’t know anything.”

“Then why do you look like you’re physically biting your tongue?”

“Because I have eyeballs. Because I can plainly see what’s right in front of me, unlike you. Because it’s obvious to me you two aren’t acting like you’re in love for a show.”

I’m gobsmacked by Laila’s implication. But finally, I’m able to choke out, “You think Kendrick is in love with me for real?”

“You don’t?”

“No. Of course, not. He . . . he’s . . . he loves me, yes. Deeply. But he’s not in love with me.”

Laila’s not buying it. It’s written all over her face. “What about you? You love him deeply, but you’re not in love with him?”

My chest is tight. My cheeks are burning. “That’s right.”

Laila leans back in her chair. “Do you like him, Ruby?”

I scoff. “You know I do. I adore him. He’s my favorite person. ”

“Do you trust him?”

Why is she asking me these questions, when she already knows my answers? “Yes, of course, I do. Completely.”

Laila’s eyeballs dart right and then left, like she’s exchanging looks of incredulity with non-existent people on either side of her. “Okay, so, to summarize. You love him, you like him, you trust him— and you feel ‘supernatural, transformative’ lust for him. Do I have all that right?”

I press my lips together, feeling exposed and vulnerable.

When she puts it all together like that, it seems pretty easy to see I’ve fallen for Kendrick.

Romantically. I haven’t wanted to admit that to myself, but with Laila spelling things out for me, I’m suddenly finding my feelings impossible to deny.

Laila breaks the silence first. “Ruby, put all of that together, and what you’ve got is what the most passionate love songs are written about. Peak romantic love, not a best-friends-with-benefits fling.”

I can barely breathe. “Kendrick only wants a fling, Laila. He’s made that clear, and I promised that’s all it’d be. I promised.”

Laila looks skeptical. “Maybe his feelings have changed somewhere along the way. The same as yours.”

Well, there it is. I can’t deny it any longer. Shit. I’ve caught feelings. I’m in love with Kendrick.

“I can’t mess up our friendship,” I squeak out. “Laila, Kendrick’s my person. My rock. I can’t survive without him in my life.”

“If he feels the same way, which seems pretty obvious to me, you won’t have to.”

My breathing catches. “You think Kendrick’s caught feelings for me?”

“You honestly don’t?”

“No.”

Laila scoffs. “Are you blind, girl? ”

“He hasn’t, Laila. Trust me.”

She rolls her eyes. “Just, please, tell him how you feel, Ruby. Will you do that for me? Please?”

“But what if I confess my feelings and wind up losing my best friend forever? I can’t let that happen.”

“What are the odds of that, though?”

“Really high! For twelve years, Kendrick wasn’t interested in me, sexually.

Which makes sense because I’m not his type at all.

You’ve seen the women he dates. They all look like you.

Perfect and glamorous. Also, he’s the one who first insisted on a fling.

He set his boundaries, and I agreed to them, so it’s not like I can turn around and?—"

“Listen to me, honey,” Laila says. “Everything you’ve described about your feelings for Kendrick—love, trust, friendship, and addictive lust—is exactly what I feel for Adrian to a T.

My husband . You’ve described a rare and beautiful thing here—a once-in-a-lifetime thing that’s worth fighting for.

Which means you have to be bold and brave and take a risk to keep it going. ”

My heart is racing. “I can’t say it first. There’s way too much at stake.”

Laila palms her forehead. But before she says another word, there’s a rap on the door, and Cooper of all people pops his head into the room.

“Hey, ladies,” he says. “Delivery for Ruby.” He holds up two box lunches. “It’s a peace offering. I thought maybe we could have lunch together and talk.”

I point to the lunch I’m already halfway through eating.

“Oh.” He steps into the room, anyway. “Can we talk for a minute?”

“Aren’t you supposed to shoot next?”

“Yeah. This won’t take long.”

Laila looks at me, and when I nod, she rises and murmurs, “I’ll go watch Savage and Kendrick with their team. ”

When Laila is gone, Cooper places the lunches on a table and assumes her vacated seat.

“Hey,” he says nervously.

I stare at him, letting him know I’m not interested in small talk.

“I just need to know if you slept with him while dating me,” he says, his chest rising and falling sharply. “Please, Ruby. Tell me the truth.”

“Why do you need to know that?”

“Because I can’t sleep at night, wondering if you ever loved me. Wondering if all those sex dreams you had about him were?—”

“I didn’t have sex dreams about Kendrick.”

“I know what I heard.”

“You weren’t in my head, though.”

Cooper runs a hand through his hair. “How long have you wanted him? Did you only get with me to make him jealous? Was anything between us ever real?”

I exhale. “I told you I didn’t want anything too serious, remember? I told you that, right up front, and you said that was great. All you wanted, too. And then you turned into an obsessive, possessive jerk on me.”

“Because I was in love with you,” he whisper-shouts. “Because I would have said anything to get with you. Don’t you get it? I was in love with you, Ruby, heart and soul. But as I quickly found out, you were in love with someone else.”

“I wasn’t in love with Kendrick. You created that narrative in your head. He was my best friend. Like a brother to me.”

“Apparently not, given that you’re fucking him now.”

He’s got a point there. “Why are we doing this? Why does it matter? I never cheated on you, okay? I promise, when I said Kendrick was like a brother to me, it was true at the time. The God’s truth. Yes, things changed after I said it, but that was the truth then. ”

Cooper scoffs. “That’s not possible, Ruby.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “I don’t owe you any explanations, Cooper. I didn’t do anything wrong during our relationship. And I’m not doing anything wrong now. Your jealousy is making you paranoid.”

Cooper takes a deep breath. “Did you ever want me? Just tell me that.”

I think about that. “As a friend, I felt close to you. But once we started dating, no, I never wanted you. Not like you wanted me. I should have realized the relationship was too one-sided—doomed—much sooner than I did and cut things off. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Cooper smiles ruefully. “Hey, at least I got a hit song out of it.”

I can’t help smiling. “You sure did.”

“Are you still pissed about the song? Word on the street is you want to string me up by my balls for it.”

Before I reply, a crew member pops his head into the door.

And when he sees Cooper and me in the room together, he palms his forehead.

“ Fuck . Don’t let Nadine know you had this conversation, whatever it was, or she’ll kill me.

She told me to keep you two apart, no matter what, unless cameras were rolling. ”

“We won’t say a word to anyone,” I reply.

“Please, or I’ll lose my job.”

“Mum’s the word,” Cooper says.

“Thanks. I came here looking for you on the off-chance, Cooper, only because I’ve already looked everywhere else. It’s time for you and Jon to meet with his team.”

“I’ll be right there.”

“No, you need to come with me now.”

Cooper doesn’t move. Instead, he returns his gaze to me. “Are you still pissed?”

“Don’t talk to her!” the guy says. “Come here right now! ”

Even though I’ve got a free pass to leave Cooper hanging in suspense thanks to this PA, I can’t help replying honestly.

Suddenly, I realize I don’t care about Cooper anymore.

Or his song. Or the past. I’m only excited about the future.

About my feelings for Kendrick. And nothing Cooper could possibly say or do to me, or sing about me, matters anymore.

“I’m not mad,” I say, as he walks toward the door of the dressing room. “Annoyed? Yes. But I’m happy for your success and ready to move on.”

Cooper pauses at the door, exhaling with relief, while the PA loses his shit that we’re having this conversation off-camera. “Thanks, Ruby. I appreciate that.”

“Come on, Cooper,” the PA says. “Please. If you don’t stop talking and come with me right now, I’m going to hit you over the head with this Coke can and drag you away.”

Cooper laughs. “Okay, okay.” He turns to me again, his expression earnest. “I really loved you, Ruby Tuesday. But you know what? If forced to choose, I’d honestly much rather have a hit song than you as my girlfriend, anyway.”