Page 29 of Spark

“I don’t want context! I want bullet points. Seduction is war, remember? Tell me what weapons you’ve brought into battle.”

“Would you let me talk, for fuck’s sake? Jesus.” I gather myself. “You know my lyrics journal? Ruby saw it on my hotel bed in Vancouver, right after my birthday party, and she briefly glimpsed this long, crazy-ass song I’d written about her.”

“Shit. A love song?”

“Basically, yeah. Thank god, I snatched the book away before she read anything but the title.” I smirk. “Which she misread, by the way, thanks to my handwriting.” I snicker. “She thinks I wrote a song called ‘Spank,’ when actually it was called ‘Spark.’”

We both burst out laughing.

“And ever since, she’s been obsessed with this non-existent song called ‘ Spank .’ The supposedly filthy, kinky one she’s forbidden to read.”

“Oooh, this is good.”

“She literally begs me to read it, Savage. But I keep telling her no. It’s too dirty. Too personal. Not appropriate to share with someone who’s merely a friend . ”

Savage is laughing his ass off now. “This is amazing. Dangle those non-existent dirty lyrics like a dick-shaped carrot, baby. Get her simmering in her own juices.”

“My thoughts exactly. Well, that and it’s better for her to think I’ve written a dirty song called ‘Spank’ that she’s not allowed to read than to let her read the actual words I wrote about her in a song called ‘Spark.’”

“It’s not something a Doberman would write, I’m assuming?”

“Definitely not. It’s this angsty, pining mess of a confessional, basically.”

“Oh, Kendrick.”

“Whatever.” I wave at the air. “The actual lyrics don’t matter.

The important thing is that she’s been obsessed with what she thinks I wrote.

” I grin. “So, get this. I found my old lyrics notebook from last year and decided to use it as a decoy.” I crack up.

“I left it in the top drawer of my nightstand for her to find on day one, along with some other stuff to get her motor running: handcuffs, a shit-ton of condoms, and the biggest bottle of lube you’ve ever seen in your goddamned life. ”

We both cackle with glee.

“Brilliant!”

“And sure enough, just like I knew she would, the kid went straight to snooping for that damned notebook the second I left the room to work out. She found the fake one I’d left for her in record speed, along with all the rest of the stuff!”

“Nice!”

“And, yes, right before she did that, I took off my shirt in front of her before heading into my workout, like you told me to do. Actually, I peeled that shirt off, like I was starring in Magic Mike . ”

“Atta boy.”

“I’ve gone shirtless so many times around Ruby this past week, she’s got to be wondering if I own a shirt at this point.” I chuckle. “So, anyway, Ruby found the decoy journal, and then I bounded into the bedroom, right on cue?—”

“You were watching her snoop?”

“Of course I was! I had to time it right. So, anyway, I burst in there and snatched it away from her, just in time, like I was freaking out. Except, of course, the lyrics she’s obsessed with weren’t even in there, since it was my old journal.”

Savage cracks up.

“And then, I stood there in front of her, shirtless, going on and on about how hot and dirty the lyrics are, and how I didn’t write down my filthiest fantasies for anyone else to read, and I especially can’t show those thoughts and feelings to someone I’m not fucking.”

“So far, so good.”

“It gets even better, Savage. When Ruby found that decoy journal, she was in the middle of unpacking her stuff. When I burst into my bedroom, a sex toy was on the bed!”

“No way.”

“Yes! I didn’t realize that, at first, not until I was standing right in front of her, chastising her about snooping around for my notebook. But then, holy shit, there it was. This massive, pink dildo-vibrator thing, staring at me.”

“Holy fucking shit.”

I tell him the whole story, and Savage says he would have thought that sexually charged conversation would have led to us fucking, right then and there. Or at least, that night.

“That’s what I thought!” I shout. “Dude, I threw everything at her and the kitchen sink, when I saw that fucking sex toy. I ‘good girled’ and ‘bad girled’ her! And it was working, too. Right after that conversation, when I supposedly started working out again with earbuds in, I pressed my ear to the door and heard a buzzing sound coming out of my closet.”

“Holy fuck, KC.”

“I had to jump into the shower, right then, to whack off, or I was afraid I was going to come in my shorts.”

Savage laughs. “How the hell didn’t that end in you two fucking? I don’t get it.”

“I guess that’s what happens when two people have been best friends for over a decade.

That’s a whole lot of history and habits to get past.” I shake my head and exhale.

“After my shower, we sat down to eat and watch a show together, and I think, somehow, doing that together flipped a switch that reset our friendship. Suddenly, we became Ruby and Kendrick again, the same as always. And I haven’t been able to duplicate that energy again, no matter what I do. ”

“Maybe this is a stupid question, but why not write actual, smutty lyrics for a song called ‘Spank’ in that decoy journal and let her find it again? Reset the clock, baby. Give yourself a do-over of day one.”

“You think I haven’t thought of that myself? Dude, I’ve been trying to write those damned lyrics for six days. But everything I come up with is lame and stupid, compared to what Ruby’s thinking it says. I’d rather give her nothing than something that softens her lady boner about the whole thing.”

“Something is better than nothing.”

“I don’t think so. Ruby’s a way better lyricist than me, so whatever she’s imagining this dirty song says is a thousand times better than anything I could possibly write.

Keeping the mystery alive and letting her continue turning herself on with her own imagination is better than letting her read something that falls short of her expectations. ”

“Yeah, you wouldn’t want it to be anti-climactic.”

“Literally.”

“I could write the dirty song for you. ”

“No, Savage.”

“A dirty song called ‘Spank’ would be right up my alley. I’m sure I could whip something up in fifteen minutes.”

“I can’t let you write sexual lyrics intended for Ruby — ones designed to lure her into my bed. That’s not only morally wrong; I think that’d legit be a sex crime.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“No, definitely. I’m more than willing to turn myself into a half-naked, dripping wet Doberman to get Ruby to see me as a potential sexual partner, but I’m not going to pretend your sexual thoughts and fantasies are mine.”

“Wait, dripping wet? This is new information. When did this little nugget happen?”

“The other day. Ruby was on my couch watching TV, and I waltzed out of my bathroom, dripping wet in nothing but a towel, pretending I needed to grab some shampoo I’d mistakenly left in the kitchen.”

“And?”

“She ignored me. Completely. Didn’t take her eyes off the TV for a split second.”

“What?”

“Now you see what I’m up against. At this point, I’m fairly convinced it’s hopeless. A total dead-end. She’s just not into me, Savage, and she never will be. That’s the only possible conclusion at this point.”

“No. No way. I don’t even swing that way, and if you waltzed past me, dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel, I’d be tempted to attack you like a cheetah versus an impala. At the very least, I’d catcall you. What good friend wouldn’t at do that?”

“Right? It’s the polite thing to do, for fuck’s sake! I’m shocked Ruby didn’t roast me for walking in front of the TV, half naked, while she was trying to watch.”

“That’s a fantastic point,” Savage agrees, leaning forward with energy. “The Ruby I know would have said, ‘Jesus, KC! I’m trying to watch a show here, and I can’t concentrate with all those dripping wet, rippling muscles assaulting my eyeballs!’”

“Yes! That’s exactly what Ruby normally would have said to me, in that situation. But nope. Not a word. Not a glance. She gave me no reaction whatsoever.”

“This makes zero sense,” he whispers. “For years, she’s called you ‘hot stuff.’ And she couldn’t be bothered to call you that at the perfect moment?”

“Apparently not.”

Savage twists his mouth. “It’s unbelievable.

And I mean that literally.” Suddenly, his face lights up.

“What if Ruby did react to you, but she didn’t want you to see it?

What if her eyeballs popped out of her damned head so much at the sight of you, she tried her best to overcompensate and act like a robot so she wouldn’t give herself away?

And by playing it that cool, she actually did the opposite? ”

My heart leaps in my chest. “You think that’s possible?”

“No, I think it’s probable . In fact, the more I think about it, the more it’s the only logical conclusion.” Savage smirks. “You’ve got her, baby. Right where you want her. I’m sure of it.”

“Holy shit.”

“She’s teetering right on the edge. Clinging to the friendship cliff with white knuckles while her body screams at her to let go and jump her bestie’s hot-ass bones. I’d bet any amount of money on it. Laila’s money, to be clear. But, still, that’s a lot of money that’s half mine.”

I know he’s being funny, but I’m too wound up to laugh with him. “If you’re right about this, then how do I get her to loosen her grip and stop playing it cool?”

“First of all, you need more time with her staying at your place. Another week, at least. I know you said no to bribing the building manager, but?—"

“I’ll do it. What else?”

“You’ve got the perfect opportunity today, thanks to the show. Don’t miss out on what this situation has to offer you, Kendrick.”

“I won’t.”

Savage points at me intensely, like a coach explaining the next play with two seconds left in a game.

“No matter what, you have to find a reason to kiss her today, KC. Do it at the press conference. Or better yet, at the party tonight. Or both. You’re supposedly her hot and heavy boyfriend for the show, right? ”

“Yep.”

“So be that guy, at every turn. Don’t forget, Cooper’s going to be around, watching her like a hawk, which will get Ruby’s motor running. So, use all of that as an excuse to kiss the girl and kiss her right.”

“I’ll do it.” Instinctively, I beat my chest with my fist, like a freaking gorilla.

“Listen to me, Kendrick. Focus. This part is crucial. When you kiss her this time, you have to do it like a goddamn Doberman. You hear me? Like a fuckboy who’s only interested in a tour fling. Like a guy who wrote a song about her called ‘Spank.’ You feel me?”

“I feel you.”

“Last time, you kissed her like you wanted a wife. This time, you’re gonna kiss her like you want to spear her against a wall with the tip of your dick.”

I laugh, feeling hopeful and giddy for the first time in days. “This is a savage plan, Savage. You’re scary good at this.”

“Which is why you need to follow my instructions to a T.”

“I will. ”

He levels me with his dark gaze. “After you kiss her, and it’s clear she’s totally into it and down to fuck?—”

“Oh my god, please.”

“Don’t you dare pour your heart out to her in that moment.”

“I’d never do that.”

“Yes, you would. In fact, that’s exactly what your natural instincts will tell you to do.

‘I’ve loved you for twelve years, Ruby! It was love at first sight for me, Ruby!

’ No. Absolutely not. Do you understand me, Kendrick Alan Cook?

No. Because that’s the precise moment when you’re going to pull back and tell her, ‘Sorry, babe, I can’t do more than a fling with you.

A besties-with-benefits fling that will last only as long as you’re staying with me.

’ Ya dig? Make her give you assurances that she can do that. Make her beg for it, man.”

“But what if she wants more, in that moment? What if I’d be screwing myself over by limiting?—”

“No!” Savage shouts, with so much force I jerk back in my chair.

He leans forward sharply, his dark eyes blazing.

“Now, you listen to me, you soft-hearted, romantic motherfucker. I’m the expert at this bullshit, not you, and I know exactly what I’m doing.

You’re going to offer her a fling, and nothing more than that, and when she agrees to that and says that’s perfect, great, all she wants, too, pretty please, fuck me now, you’re going to fuck that woman raw, to within an inch of her life, better than she’s ever been fucked before, every day and every night you can buy yourself from bribing her building manager.

And you’re going to do it all while also being the Kendrick she already loves and adores.

And by the end of this supposed fling, if you follow my instructions exactly, she’ll realize, ‘He’s the full package!

A bestie I also love to fuck. AKA boyfriend material. ’”

“I’m actually aiming for husband material, but I get your point. ”

“Baby steps! First things first, promise you won’t ask her for anything more than a fling, no matter what. Let her chase you , or the whole plan will fall apart.”

“Okay, okay.”

“Unlike you, I’m not wearing rose-colored glasses when I look at Ruby.

I can see the good and the bad. The bad being her horrible taste in men.

She likes fuckboys, KC. She likes things to be a bit toxic.

Until she doesn’t. So be that toxic fuckboy for her, at first, until she realizes she’s changed her mind about the fling. ”

“I understand.”

“And don’t forget: kiss her today.”

“I will.”

As Savage fist-bumps me, the door to the guest house opens, and a trio of women enter: the hairdresser/makeup artist from earlier, and the respective handlers assigned to Savage and me.

“Are you ready to get beautified, Mr. Cook?” the hairdresser asks, fluffing my hair with her fingertips.

“Yep. Work your magic on me, Susanna.”

“Magic isn’t needed with a canvas like this.” She grabs a brush. “Unfortunately, we’re going to have to do this quickly, though. Nadine said she wants the whole cast assembled in twenty.”