Page 45

Silas

Sniffing at himself as he reached to open the back door, Silas gave Petey an awkward grin, hoping he didn’t smell as bad as he imagined he did.

He and Ziggy had spent the entire afternoon and most of the evening in bed.

He didn’t want to think about what his brothers might say in the group chat about his disappearing act.

“I found an ole basket in a cupboard, hope this was what you were after.” His nose wrinkled, and he attempted to peer over Silas’s shoulder.

“You did great.” Silas reached for the picnic basket and grinned at the weight and the smells coming from it.

Petey blushed, then nodded and swung around quick-smart to dart into the darkness.

Shutting the door, Silas tried not to think about why Petey was running away from him as he sniffed at his shirt.

“Why are you sniffing your sleeve?” Ziggy asked from his position, leaning against the doorframe, hands shoved into his jeans. They were the only piece of clothing he wore, showing off all the tattoos.

“Petey ran away,” he explained back to feeling heat spread up his neck when Ziggy’s brows rose.

“What from?”

“Us, I think.” He walked to the center island, which held an enormous slab of gleaming redwood.

The island was big enough to seat his family.

Only his parents, Booker, and Taylin, had ever visited before.

He plonked the basket down and lifted off the cloth covering the contents.

His mouth watered as he laid out the tubs of fried chicken, slaw, roasted sweetcorn, and potato salad.

In another was what looked like chocolate pudding with a side of plump strawberries.

“What about us?” Ziggy asked, sounding intrigued as Silas glanced at him.

“You want me to spell out what we must smell like… after…” He actually squirmed.

“After?” Ziggy strolled towards him, eyeing the tubs, licking at his puffy lips, drawing a groan from Silas when he knew why they were like that. Ziggy’s gaze shifted to Silas and he was back to wearing a knowing grin.

“Stop it. We need to eat.”

“I’ve eaten already, or is—”

“Behave,” Silas grumbled, trying and failing to keep his amusement to himself. “Grab the plates. Second cupboard on your right, next to the sink.”

Laughter was the only response as Silas rolled his eyes and went to get cutlery and two beers.

Minutes later, they sat side by side in companionable silence as they tucked into the food.

“You never answered my question earlier,” Ziggy said, licking his fingers after placing down a chicken bone.

“What question?” Silas asked when he couldn’t recall what he’d not answered.

“About tattoos. Would you ever get one?”

Silas considered it as he plucked up a cob of sweetcorn slick with butter. “I’ve never been tempted.” He glanced sideways at Ziggy. “Who designs your tattoos?”

He wasn’t going to admit that Popi had told him about his designs because he didn’t want to slip up and let Ziggy know his plans.

“I do.”

Silas aimed an interested smile at Ziggy, settling in to learn about him. “How fucking cool.” It was. Silas meant it. “What was the first design you knew you wanted on your skin? And did you always know you’d want to design tattoos?”

Ziggy shifted on his seat so he was facing more towards him, holding another chicken wing.

He eyed his arms, then lifted the right one, turning it to reveal his inner forearm.

There was only one tattoo there, and it now struck Silas as odd when he considered how many he had on the other arm.

“This one. It’s my snake wrapped around a lotus flower. ”

“What does the lotus flower represent?” Silas asked around a mouthful of sweetcorn, a sense of unease lifting the hair on his neck.

“The lotus flower means freedom,” he replied quietly, focusing on his chicken wing like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Recalling something that nagged at him before, Silas placed down his half-eaten corn on the cob and grabbed a serviette to wipe his fingers and lips. He picked up his beer, which he’d not yet touched, and took a sip to wet his lips, watching Ziggy closely.

“Why freedom?” he asked tentatively, sensing the reply would shift things between them again.

The silence lengthened and Silas considered maybe Ziggy wasn’t going to answer, but he finally glanced at Silas. Misery had replaced the amusement and wasn’t something he was used to witnessing from Ziggy. He reached out and placed a hand over Ziggy’s, uncaring of the grease.

“Why did you need to remind yourself you're free?”

Ziggy heaved a sigh. “It’s not really about freedom in the sense of being free of someone or something, more about having the freedom to choose what I want out of life.”

What he said made the food Silas had enjoyed take an unpleasant spin in his guts. “Why was that important?”

Ziggy dropped his gaze to the half-eaten wing and Silas’s hand.

“My parents… they never wanted me.” His shoulders jerked as he shrugged.

“I was an inconvenience to their lives, so I got passed around like an unwanted toy to family members who didn’t want me either.

They had to hire a nanny because I was still too young to be left alone.

They severed all ties when I was a teenager. ”

It was too much. Silas couldn’t image how that must have felt, but it must have been fucking awful.

He let go of the hand he’d held, which had started to tremble, to get off his seat.

Ziggy made a squeaky noise as Silas scooped him off his seat and carried him through to the living room.

The fact Ziggy held a chicken wing and wore a shocked, wide-eyed look didn’t stop him.

He sat and hugged him close. Ziggy stiffened for a moment, then let out a strangled sob that made Silas’s temples pound at how heartbreaking the noise was. When Ziggy buried his face in Silas’s shirt and wept, he wrapped his arms tightly around him.

While uncertain what to say to make it better, Ziggy’s earlier words ran through his mind.

I just want you to love me. He reconsidered the context of them now.

Had anyone ever shown him love? Affection?

If Silas didn’t already feel bad for the way things started for him and Ziggy, he felt like utter crap now.

Popi had said something that stuck with him.

You can’t change the past, only move on and change your actions in the present.

He clung to that when all he could think about was all the positive things Ziggy did for others, expecting nothing in return.

Despite his upbringing, Ziggy had forged his own path and was a wonderful, caring person.

“I’ve smeared grease on your shirt,” he mumbled, sniffing when he went to shift away, using his empty hand to scrub at his face.

Silas plucked the chicken wing from Ziggy’s fingers and threw it on the glass-topped table in front of the couch. It rattled and bounced off onto the floor. Silas didn’t pay it any mind, already rubbing Ziggy’s greasy fingers against his shirt. “It’ll wash.”

Ziggy looked up from under wet eyelashes, his uncertainty crippling to Silas. The shuddery breath he released before he pressed back in close to Silas caused a surge of love that left him with a catch in his throat.

“Sorry ‘bout that.”

Silas kissed the top of Ziggy’s head, wanting to display the love inside him. “Never be sorry about sharing your feelings. You never blamed me when I lost it, did you? Your feelings are as valid as mine.”

“I… yes… you’re right. I’m just not used to anyone seeing them as valid.”

Silas tipped Ziggy’s head back with a finger under his chin. His nose was bright pink, his eyes rimmed red, yet he was precious to Silas in every way.

“Your feelings are valid to me. It might not have seemed like it when I was being a dick. Just know they always were, and I’ll make sure, from here onwards, that you know it. Do you want to talk some more?” He didn’t want to push, just for Ziggy to know he was interested in everything about him.

They sat quietly and Silas soaked up the closeness, needing it as much as Ziggy while he waited for him to decide what he wanted to do.

Eventually, he shook his head and peeked up at him.

“There isn’t much else to say. They aren’t part of my life, haven’t been for more than a decade.

They aren’t interested in me, and I’ve come to terms with that.

For some reason, it caught me off guard tonight after… ”

“After you asked me to love you.” Silas held Ziggy’s stare. “I do, love you.”

Ziggy’s eyes glistened and Silas sighed in resignation at how his own eyes ached. He was as soft as Taylin, for damn sure.

“You do? Isn’t it too soon?”

The small voice, so full of hope, walloped him hard. Ziggy usually came across as having an endless supply of confidence, yet Silas could see that wasn’t always the case. He needed words, the same as Silas needed trust.

“I love you. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew there was something different about you. It’s why it hurt so much to think you thought so little of what we had together.”

Ziggy gave a loud, undignified sniff, rubbing the back of his hand over his nose, his eyelashes shielding his eyes. “My snake is hassling me to ask something.”

Silas’s brows rose at the pink over the bridge of Ziggy’s nose and how he continued to not lift his gaze from somewhere around Silas’s chin. “And what’s that?”

“Not right now, I’m gonna stress, but would you maybe be interested in…” he chewed his lower lip, peeking back up at him. “Mating?”

Silas’s wolf howled in his head, running in giddy circles in his mind. Someone is happy.

Your heart is racing. I know you want this too!

“Don’t wo—”

“No… fuck… yes. Oh lord, I’m fucking this up,” Silas groaned, rubbing at his face, gathering himself when he caught Ziggy’s look of uncertainty.

“My animal spirit wanted to let me know how happy he was. He was distracting is all. I would definitely be interested. But would you mind if we took the time to date beforehand?”

He wanted to prove to himself and Ziggy that he had more to offer someone than biting and fucking. He really did want to romance him.

Ziggy’s smile was slow to appear, but once the full effect was aimed at him, it was the most stunning sight Silas had ever seen. It made everything Dad said about Popi and his feelings a reality for Silas at that moment. He would do anything for Ziggy— anything —and that made all the difference.