Page 31

Silas

In the boardroom, Booker had taken the seat next to him, their dark heads together, discussing the new pieces for the Milan fashion show.

Two seats down, Wilder sat tapping away at his laptop as they waited for Frey to start the meeting.

Silas wasn’t sure who had baby duties right then. Did Ziggy have Emmy with him?

He’d caught sight of him carrying the cutie down the hallway, singing to her. The sight was enough to give him an aching jaw from grinding his teeth. A fierce longing that came from nowhere to have what Booker had with Frey.

When Frey rushed into the room and sat down next to Wilder, who glanced up, asking, “Have you got the information printed out I asked for?”

Silas glared at the pair.

Frey nodded, taking the file he held and offering it over to Wilder. “I did. I added my comments about the logistics of getting all the merchandise to the shopping malls. The company we use for transport has upped their costs by 5% so I took the liberty of looking at other options.”

“When did they change the costs?” Silas questioned angrily. After all the debacle with Dore’s, they needed no more issues with the local haulers. Rue was still pissy over the whole thing.

Booker scowled at him, and Silas ignored it.

“I sent you an updated email about it last week,” Frey replied, keeping his tone light and non-accusatory.

Did it make a difference? Silas reached for his iPad and tapped at the screen, his anger directed at himself when he’d missed what he could see in his inbox.

“So you did,” he gritted out.

“Apologize to Frey,” Booker growled, eyes flashing with temper.

“He doesn’t need to apologize,” Frey quickly interjected.

Booker shook his head, glaring at Silas. “He does, he was being pissy with you for no reason.”

A surge of embarrassment heated Silas’s neck and cheeks as he aimed a killer look at Booker.

“Why? When you two are the reason I missed it. You stunk up the house, making it impossible to concentrate on anything,” Silas accused, gathering a head of steam when Booker got to have that time with Frey but he had missed out with Ziggy.

“And let's not even talk about the noises,” he added snippily.

“You could have come into the office.” Booker’s teeth actually snapped together on each word.

“Is this really the place for this conversation?" Frey asked softly. “I apologize for any inconvenience I caused. It was not intentional.”

“How so?” Silas snapped, too far gone to get his head out of his ass, which was what he should do.

“Silas!” Booker growled, his teeth dropping in his gums and gleaming in the overhead light.

“I apologize, too,” Silas muttered, holding Booker’s gaze, daring him to let go, so he’d have an excuse to unleash his frustration on him. “Which other trucking companies did you look at?”

Silas kept it together for the remainder of the meeting, then left quick-smart to avoid Booker.

Hustling into his office, he shut the door behind him and leaned against it, his eyes burning and his throat closing up.

The misery came hurtling down at him like a ton of bricks.

His brother's happiness was the catalyst to demonstrate just how badly he’d fucked up with Ziggy.

It didn’t matter which way he turned, life was showing him what a mistake he’d made by not owning his feelings and his past.

How had he gone from not wanting a serious relationship to thinking about nothing but that?

You’ve always wanted one.

Honestly, I don’t need this shit right now.

When is it a good time? Tell me? Ziggy is ours and was the moment you asked to see his snake.

His jaw ached as he held back a scream of frustration. First Taylin and Hollis being all loved up, then Booker, the traitor, slapped Silas upside the head with a reality that left him scared shitless because he had fucked up badly.

I want Ziggy… happy! I want him so bad I can’t fucking see straight. But—

No, that cock sucker Jason is not Ziggy. You’ve seen that for yourself, now let him the fuck in. He’s ours to keep!

On unsteady legs, he sank down on the seat behind his desk, burying his head in his hands, the tears he seldom gave into streaking down his face.

The release left him shaking as the sobs tore from him.

The hurt and betrayal of the past mixed with regret.

Like a broken faucet, he couldn’t control his emotions as they gushed out in ugly tears.

They were worse than those he’d shed with Popi.

“What the fuck?” Booker rasped, tugging at his tie, barging into his office.

Silas’s head shot up. Blurry eyed and struggling to bring himself back under control, he stared at Booker, watching him come into the room and quickly shut the door behind him.

“What’s wrong?” Booker demanded gruffly. “Is there something wrong with Dad? Popi?”

Silas scrubbed his face and shook his head, sniffing loudly, mortified at being caught like this. He should have known his brother wouldn’t let it lie and chase him down… maybe he had?

“Then what is it… is there something wrong with… you ?” He came around the desk to perch his ass on the corner, never once looking away from Silas. “I know we haven’t been seeing eye to eye of late. But you know I love you. Would do anything for you.”

Silas pressed his fingers to his eyes, willing away the fresh tears that wanted to fall, doing his best not to fuck with his contacts.

“Talk to me, you fucker,” Booker growled fiercely. “Are you sick?”

Silas’s hands dropped away, his heart bumping against his ribs at the fear coming from Booker. “No, I’m not sick unless you call getting stuck on something and you can’t unbridle!” he muttered mournfully.

“You’ve lost me. Are we talking about a horse?”

Silas’s bangs fell over his forehead as he shook his head, sitting back in the chair, feeling defeated. “My horses are fine, or they were the last time I checked in with Ethan.”

“Then what the fuck is it, you asshole, you’re worrying me. I haven’t seen you cry since…”

“Since your dad went to hit Popi,” Silas finished for him.

He’d cried that night for losing the innocence of that first love.

For betrayal. For what Booker had lost. All of it forever etched into his brain.

He’d clung on to how precious Booker’s friendship was when it gave him a brother when he’d needed it most. Someone who always had Silas’s back, regardless of how it affected him.

Everything had changed when Silas had taken a shortcut Jason had said would allow him to avoid the bullies at school and played right into their hands.

Half a dozen boys had dragged him into an alleyway and beaten the crap out of him, one of whom was his boyfriend.

The same back alley it turned out Taylin had hidden in after getting kicked out by his parents for being divergent.

He had jumped in to help Silas, but it was Booker showing up and shifting that had made the difference—that saved Silas’s life.

Had he though? Jason had stolen something precious from him. Dad was right, Silas had trusted no one but family since then. He hadn’t let anyone get close to stop them all from hurting him again. Yet here he was, hurting in the worst way.

“Yeah, since then. That night changed everything,” Booker said softly. “It made us brothers, and nothing has changed that… yet somehow I’ve managed to fuck you off enough to make you distance yourself from me.”

A gut punch of guilt came with how sad Booker sounded and Silas pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing before he rose, coming face to face with Booker. “It’s not you.”

“Then what is it? Talk to me.”

He sucked in a breath and held Booker’s gaze. “The night of the attack, Jason was the one who set me up. ”

“He what? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me… that fucking weasel! I never liked him.”

“I said nothing to anyone, ‘cause I was hurting, mortified. Fuck, the person I thought I was in love with… was in love with as much as a teenager can be, betrayed me. I told no one… but Dad found out.”

“How?” Booker ground out.

“He had the boys who attacked me investigated.”

Booker snarled and crossed his arms, biceps flexing. “Investigated? Is that why they all left? The fuckers needed—”

“We don’t need to waste energy on them.”

He stabbed a finger at Silas. “Isn’t that what you’ve done by keeping quiet about what Jason did to you? Wasted your energy blaming yourself for allowing a dick to use you? You were a fucking teenager, Silas, just learning what love was all about.”

Silas jerked at the direct hit to the sensitive spot inside him that had never healed. “I suppose I did.”

He released a shuddery breath and, for the first time in the longest time, admitted aloud how he felt about another person. “I’ve got all the feels for Ziggy.”

Booker’s lips thinned as he nodded slowly. “I suspected something was up after you lost your shit with me. Knew it had to do with Ziggy. How serious are you about him?”

Silas came around his desk to pace. It was easier than facing Booker’s direct stare. “Very. My thoughts stray to him all the fucking time. I crave…” Everything. He shook that off for now. “Him. Like it makes me fucking itch when I can’t be near him.”

“Isn’t it all… a little sudden?”

The skepticism didn’t deter Silas. He did not know how to answer that, because who could determine how much time it took for someone to develop feelings? He just knew what he felt for Ziggy.

“After the meeting with Dad about the retirement bombshell, I needed to let off some steam. I went to a heat club to find an omega.”

“You mean you went to Hidden Desires, the place you part own but never talk about?”

Silas stopped pacing for a second to glance at Booker. “If I don’t talk ‘bout it, then how do you know?” he questioned, unsure whether to be pissed.

“’Cause I’m not fucking stupid, and I know you .”

Silas went back to pacing, not thinking about what Booker did or didn’t know. “Yes, I went there and the omega I got paired with was Ziggy.”

“Mother fucker! Then you got landed with him. What are the fucking odds of that?”

Stomping harder, Silas’s arms swung at his sides. “Not long enough ‘cause Ziggy ended up as my PA and…”

“You got snaked.”

“I suppose you could say that.” There was no way on any planet he was going to explain exactly how snaked he’d gotten with Ziggy in that very office.

“That’s why you lost it when I said they were fucking. You were dating him and you thought he was cheating?”

Silas got hot under the collar as he shook his head, not looking directly at Booker with what he was going to confess. “Not dating… we had an agreement. It was just fucking, some fun, nothing more. I wasn’t looking for more.”

“How did that work out for you?”

Ignoring Booker’s amusement and question, Silas continued to stomp. “He put in two ground rules… if we fuck anyone else, then we have to be honest about it.”

“And the other one?”

So not going there! Silas waved that off. “Doesn’t matter. Let’s just say he never told me about Frey.”

“He wasn’t fucking Frey,” Booker muttered. “He was offering to help him get through his heat ‘cause Frey had past trauma. They weren’t gonna to fuck, and Frey got these ugly ass pants that hide everything and have a hole in the back for… you get my drift.”

Coming to a standstill, he stared at Booker, his guts knotting painfully. “Past trauma? What are you talking ‘bout?”

He set aside the other stuff because instead of being direct with Ziggy, he’d hidden behind anger. Behind his own lack of trust.

“Let’s just say Frey’s flirty behavior was all a front, and he needed help.

Ziggy just offered to help a friend through a difficult time.

As much as it irks me that Ziggy could have touched Frey when he’s mine, Ziggy is the kind of friend you want.

He’s a real decent bloke. I’m sorry I fucked things up for you.

If I’d just kept it to myself then maybe you and Ziggy would be fine. ”

Silas went to the small couch and sank down, suddenly feeling exhausted. “No… I think I’d have fucked it up eventually ‘cause I wasn’t being honest with myself, never mind Ziggy. I was the one to put in the boundaries that kept distance between us.”

He rubbed at his face and said what he’d not accepted when he’d spoken with Dad then Popi. “I did that because the first time I saw him, I knew he was different. My first instinct was to run. It felt like I was sucker punched. Same way I felt about… Jason.”

And the misery he felt deep in his bones didn’t make him regret that he hadn’t acted on those instincts and ran away because Ziggy was worth more than that to Silas. And that told him all he needed to know about where his head and heart were at.

Booker’s chuckle held no humor as he came and crouched in front of him. “Having feelings for someone sure as hell sucks big hairy balls!”

Silas met his brother's worried stare. “You ain’t wrong. Ziggy wants nothing to do with me now.”

“Man the fuck up. You are one of the best fucking men I know. Stop fucking hiding behind society’s fake fucking beliefs about divergents.

I saved your fucking ass that day in the alley because you are my best friend.

One of honor, of courage. Do fucking you.

Show him who you really are, the man I love.

He won’t run from you if he’s everything you think he is. ”

Silas choked back a ball of emotion and swallowed hard, the love he felt for his brother making it hard to answer. “What would you do?”

A deep red spread over Booker’s cheekbones. “I’m not sure I’m the one to ask, ‘cause stalking could get you into more bother.”

A deep belly laugh filled the silence that Booker’s confession created. “Tell me you didn’t stalk Frey?”

“Don’t look at me like that, I was desperate, okay!”

So was Silas—but stalking? Had he reached that level of desperation?