Page 20 of Shielding his Legacy (Shattered SEALs #7)

Eva had never been to the Adirondacks, and Gavin’s comments about bears mixed with legends of Sasquatch in her mind as she took in the miles upon miles of dark rolling hills, winding roads with the occasional hairpin curve, and densely forested woods.

Phoenix was hot and dry, and she was struck by the contrast between the place she’d long called home and this damp, isolated area. It was beautiful, but there was something foreboding about it that made a chill run up her spine.

Sure, she was used to long expanses of sparsely populated land, but in the desert, you could see forever in any direction.

Here, there were shadowy nooks and crannies where danger could lurk, and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end as the moon flashed between the bushy tops of tall, crowded evergreens.

Her shoulders gave an involuntary shimmy, and she worked to release the anxiety bathing her nervous system by changing the subject. “What do people do around here for fun?” she asked.

“This time of year? Snowmobiling, snowshoeing, skiing. Maybe drive into town for a movie on a Saturday night.”

Such things were foreign to her, though she could easily imagine Gavin doing all of them. An image of her on the back of a snowmobile popped into her mind, her arms wrapped tightly around him as they flew across an expanse of white. “Hmm.”

“You like the outdoors?”

“I’m from the desert, remember? I’ve spent more time in an air-conditioned shopping mall than I’ve ever spent outdoors.”

“Utah’s gorgeous. Didn’t you go to any of the parks? Zion? Bryce Canyon?”

She laughed without humor. “Oh, sure. My foster mom took us up to Zion once.”

“Stopped there on my way out to Coronado for BUD/S training. Hiked Angel’s Landing in an inch of snow. Now that was a wicked adrenaline rush.”

She scrunched up her shoulders as she thought of the famous narrow trail hundreds of feet above a deep canyon, and the tourists she’d seen in photos, lined up to attempt it.

“Of course you did. I wouldn’t hike that trail if it was sunny and dry, you tied a rope around my waist, and you gave me a million dollars. ”

“I like to live fast and take chances.”

“I’m shocked, really,” she deadpanned. “I couldn’t tell that about you at all.”

He chuckled. “What did you do at Zion?”

“What did we think we were going to do, or what actually happened?”

“Both.”

“We thought we were going to the Emerald Pools, then we’d have a campfire and eat s’mores and sleep in a tent we borrowed from the old guy who lived down the street.

But my foster mom and her boyfriend broke up on our way there.

He left us stranded at the motel without a car, and ‘Mom’,” she made air quotes around the name, “fell off the wagon and got drunk for three days straight while we watched the Disney channel in the motel room.”

“Did you even make it into the park?”

“Nope. But I did get to see the Emerald Pools and Angel’s Landing on Google Earth at the school library, which is pretty much the same thing.

I didn’t even have to wait in line.” The pictures had been awe-inspiring, and she remembered how incredibly disappointed she’d been that they hadn’t gotten to see them in person.

She’d never told anyone that before, and she was keenly aware of how revealing the story was.

“Well, that took a dark turn,” she said. “Sorry.”

An awkward silence fell over them, and Eva cursed her exquisite knack for killing polite conversation.

His phone vibrated and he answered it, transferring it from Bluetooth to his handset and putting it to his ear.

His end of the conversation was brief and consisted of monosyllabic responses.

He hung up. “HERO Force is ten miles out.”

Her stomach clenched. “How did they get here so fast?”

“Chopper.” Gavin turned off the main road and onto one without a center line, rutted pavement carrying them over bumps and around several sharp turns. “And don’t apologize for your caregiver being an addict who couldn’t see beyond her own shit. That isn’t your fault.”

She worried her hands in her lap despite his statement. Attempting to exonerate her for one piece of her childhood trauma was kind, but it was the news about HERO Force’s impending arrival that had snagged her attention like a charging animal heading her way.

Her very brief introduction to Gavin’s new coworkers had left her more than a little intimidated by the heavily muscled men lurking around the office, staring at her and Abby with obvious curiosity and more than a twinge of judgement.

If she was being honest, she’d been all too happy to get away from them, and she wasn’t too thrilled they’d be joining their small entourage. “Who’s coming?”

“Sloan, Champion, and Trace.”

Eva rolled her eyes, not knowing these men from Adam. “That doesn’t help me. What are they like?”

“Sloan’s the class clown who should have gone to cooking school, Champion’s a reformed womanizer with twin little boys and a brand-new wife, and Trace is a southern gentleman with a fondness for beers that any real man would confuse with water.”

“You have a very strange way of describing people.”

“Can you picture them?”

She shrugged. “Yes.”

“Then I’m very good at describing people.”

“How would you describe me?” The words were out before she thought better of them. The silence that followed made the earlier one seem companionable. “Never mind. I’m sorry I asked,” she muttered.

“Innocent.”

Her mouth hung open. Out of all words in the English language, that’s the one he picked? “Innocent?”

“You asked.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Just because I hadn’t had sex before doesn’t make me innocent. Especially not now. I’m a mother, for goodness’ sake.”

“I’m not talking about your level of sexual experience, and there’s no reason to get haughty.”

“Haughty?” This just got better and better. “What are you talking about then?”

“You’re good, like a bone-deep kind of goodness you don’t see in people much these days. You’re kind. You value fairness and honesty, and you give everyone the benefit of the doubt.” He shrugged. “Except for maybe the guys at HERO Force. Why is that, by the way?”

“What do you mean, I didn’t give them the benefit of the doubt?”

“You didn’t like them. Every time I’ve mentioned them coming to help us, you start fidgeting and staring out your window.”

She hadn’t realized quite how observant he was, and she made a mental note to watch her body language.

She briefly considered lying, then thought better of it, the decision articulating how correct he’d been in his assessment of her.

“They stared at me and Abby, wondering who we were. They were judging me, and I didn’t like it. ”

He glanced at her before his eyes went back to the road. “You’re a beautiful woman. I’m sure they were wondering who we are to each other.”

“One look at Abby should have answered that question.”

His face suddenly shone with a pleasure that surprised her. “She does look like me, doesn’t she?”

If he kept looking like a proud papa to their baby girl, Eva’s panties might slip right down her legs. She worked to calm her galloping heart. “She does. Are you going to tell them she’s yours, or just wait for them to figure it out?”

“I haven’t really thought about it.”

Eva lifted her chin, her momentary joy all but forgotten. Denying Abby was so far removed from anything she would ever do, she couldn’t even comprehend his response. “But you might not.”

“I said I haven’t thought about it. I’ve barely gotten used to the idea that I have a daughter.”

She said nothing, her brain working to untangle the emotions his words knotted up inside her.

He clucked his tongue. “Now you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry. I don’t know what I am. I realize this is a lot to make sense of in a short period of time, Gavin, and I’m not trying to pressure you. I just don’t want you to be ashamed of her, that’s all. Because that would kill me.”

“I’m not ashamed. I’m just shellshocked.” He took her hand across the seat. “But I would never be ashamed of our daughter, or of my relationship with you.”

Our daughter. Hearing him say that nearly made her heart burst. It was one thing to get pregnant during a riotous weekend of sexual pleasure. It was another thing entirely to have the man you’d been emotionally bound to for nearly a year lay claim to the child you’d created during that time.

“I want to be a part of Abby’s life,” he said. “I never thought of myself as father material, but I’ll be the best dad I can be, no matter what happens. You have my word on that much, at least.”

Something in his tone made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. There was a “but” coming, she could feel it, and she waited for the bottom of her good mood to fall out through the floorboards of his truck like so much mud being flung from the tires. “But?”

“You and me…” He ran a hand through his hair. “You know I’m attracted to you. But Eva…” his voice trailed off.

An unexpected numbness spread through her mind while she waited for the inevitable blow. “You’ll be a father to Abby, but you don’t want to be with me.” She didn’t know where the strength came from to articulate the words.

He glanced at her, then back at the road.

“I want you every bit as much as I wanted you in Phoenix. More, if that’s possible.

But the stakes are higher now. There’s more to lose if I fuck up.

There’s your safety, first and foremost. I can’t be distracted and still keep you safe.

Then there’s Abby. I have to figure out how to be there for you and her without screwing this up. ”

The road straightened out near a lake. Small houses and cabins dotted the opposite shoreline, considerable space between each one. She bit her lip, uncertain if she wanted more information and finding she couldn’t keep herself from asking. “Not screw what up?”

“You and me. Us.”