Page 9

Haden

I was spent as I lay across Della. My breathing was erratic as I tried to catch my breath. I could feel the void slipping away and tried desperately not to leave as the other side of me came forward.

“I love you,” I said quickly, knowing that this was not going to be good when he surfaced. But he was persistent.

I closed my eyes before she could respond.

The void let go of me as I surfaced to Della, a mess below me. I waited a moment, enjoying the way she felt. Her soft skin stuck to mine with sweat. But then I realized what the void had done, even though I told him not to forgive her.

As the full realization hit me, I pulled back as if she were poisonous. Della sat up and looked at me with wide, worried eyes. I swallowed hard when she realized it was me and not the void.

“Haden,” she whispered my name like a plea.

Regret, that is what filled my eyes when our gaze met. She reached for me, and I moved farther away from her. Instantly she pulled her hand back to her and tried to fix her clothing.

I hated myself for giving in to her. For nine years, I had fought these feelings for her, and he came up and ruined it all in less than an hour.

My gaze watched her, knowing that I had thought of being with her for years, and now that I had, all I could think about was how shitty of a man I was for it.

I could feel the guilt creeping up. How could I enjoy anything and be happy when Remiah was dead? She would never get to be happy, and I was sleeping with her murderer. But that wasn’t the worst part of this guilt that was eating me alive.

It was the fact that I still wanted Della despite knowing she killed my sister. I wanted her so desperately that I wanted to ignore what she had done. Self-hatred slammed into me because I was disgusting for still loving this fucking evil woman.

“I hope you enjoyed that because I will never touch you again,” I said with enough venom that I almost believed my own words. Her gaze met mine, and she frowned at whatever she saw on my face. “It didn’t mean anything,” I said, glaring.

Gods, the burning in my chest was painful as she stared at me like I was the monster. Maybe I was, but that was fine, as long as she stayed away. I didn't need her.

“Please don’t do this,” she begged.

Her eyes dimmed with her hurt and rising anger.

My heart pounded so hard I could feel my neck throb.

Emotions clogged my throat as I tried to hold them in enough to collect my thoughts and tell her to fuck off.

Della stared at me, something like regret flashing in her eyes.

She looked away from me when I didn’t say anything.

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but what was I supposed to do, Haden? Let you die?”

Tears fell from my eyes as she fell apart in front of me.

“Tell me!” she demanded. “Was I supposed to let the man I love die? Would you have let me die if the roles were reversed?”

“Yes,” I snapped.

Her mouth fell open as she stared at my eyes. Tears fell down her face silently.

What the fuck are you doing? Take that back right fucking now. The void was fucking pissed.

Della’s eyes faded so much they looked like a normal fae eyes. Her shoulders fell, and agony rippled off of her in waves. I was so fucking angry that I blocked out the void as he kept screaming at me to take it back.

“You really would have let me die?” she asked so quiet and emotionless that I hesitated.

I knew if I told her yes, it would hurt her beyond repair, but I wanted her to hurt.

I wanted her to feel what it was like to lose someone she loved.

She was a monster. Why did she kill Remiah?

Why did she kill us? She ripped us away in one selfish moment.

I was mourning the life we were supposed to have. She robbed me of happiness.

“Yes. Maybe you should have died instead of Remiah.” The words fell from my mouth, and I could practically see them stab through her heart.

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed so loudly that I didn’t know what to do.

I fucking didn’t like seeing her like this.

But at the same time, I enjoyed seeing her in pain like I was.

She should be broken like I am. Her magic was seeping from her, but instead of pretty starlight surrounding her like usual an inky black substance seemed to bleed from her, which confused me.

Her whole body was shaking, and she refused to look at me.

You fucking moron. Tell her you take it back, now. You are hurting her for something that she had no control over!

No control over? I argued back.

She’s our mate; she couldn’t let you die; she had no fucking choice!

Mate?

Our fated mate, you stupid shit. Fix this, right now.

I stared at her as my mind raced with what the void said, but it was too late.

Della looked at me, and I saw at that moment that her heart had truly shattered.

Her once star-colored eyes were now filled with a black, soulless void.

Her crying stopped, and she stared at me like she was not present in her mind anymore.

Is she… void?

What the fuck? You need to fix this right now. What is wrong with her eyes?

But before I could say anything, she stood up silently, pulling her dress on. Her eyes were glazed over as if she wasn’t really seeing me. There was not a trace of anything I recognized in them. Was this what I looked like when he took over?

Oh, I fucked up big time.

“Consider me dead to you.” Her voice was soft, too soft, with no emotion attached to it.

Do not let her leave like this. Fix this now.

“Della.” I stood and reached for her, but before I could touch her, her star mist circled around her and took her away.

You fucking piece of shit. How fucking dare you treat her like that?

“You didn’t tell me she was our godsdamn fated mate,” I hissed. “She still killed Remiah.”

Gods cannot let their mates die. They do not have a choice. She had to save you, and you just told her we wished she died. Do you have any idea what harm you just caused to her? I swear to the fucking gods, when I take over, I will fucking cause you pain.

Fear began to trickle into my mind.

You have hurt her for nine years over something she didn’t have a choice in. You broke her. How are we supposed to fix this when you said something so damn terrible?

Della was my mate, my fated mate. I used my magic to go back to Thea and Cassius’s home. I could see the guests were still there, but no logical thoughts formed as I burst through the door. Cassius and Thea immediately stood up, recognizing that something was wrong.

“Ardella is my mate,” I said.

But they didn’t even bat an eye.

“Sorry, everyone, but we need to end dinner.” Cassius glanced at them, and they all stood, knowing something was wrong. They shuffled out, and I stared at my two best friends—my family.

“You two knew.”

“Yes,” they said at the same time.

I felt a sting of betrayal course through me. How could they not have told me? I began pacing around like a fucking lunatic, muttering to myself. My mind was spiraling.

“She told you?” Thea asked.

“No, the void told me.” I glanced up at them. Sighing heavily at their confusion, I began explaining what the damn void was.

Their faces twisted in confusion. I thought he was gone. The void had not come to the surface since Remiah died.

“So, part of you knew this entire time that she was your mate?” Cassius looked at me oddly.

“I guess, but he didn’t tell me until after I fucking destroyed her heart.” Guilt began clawing at me. They would think I was a piece of shit when I told them what I had said.

“What did you do?” Thea said in a panic.

I shook my head. I didn’t want to tell them because I was a fucking bastard for it. Even if she wasn’t my mate, I would have ended up regretting those words.

“Tell us so we can help you fix this.” Cassius frowned at me as I trembled.

“I told her that she should have died instead of Remiah.”

Thea and Cassius both stared at me without saying anything. I watched Thea’s eyes turn red and Cassius’ flash black.

“Why would you ever say that to her?” Thea stepped forward, and Cassius grabbed her as if he feared she would come kill me herself.

“Because I was angry!” I yelled. “She killed my sister, and I can’t stop fucking loving her.

I wanted her to feel terrible because she didn’t just kill Remiah that night; she killed us.

She destroyed everything about our plans, about our future.

I didn’t know that she didn’t have a choice.

All of these years I stayed away from her because what kind of psycho kills the sibling of the man they love?

And what kind of psycho still loves that woman after doing something so terrible?

“I felt like shit for those nine years because I could not fathom why she would kill Remiah. But worse than that, I didn’t know why I couldn’t stop loving her.

Guilt constantly consumes me because I am in love with the woman who killed my only family.

I thought I had to be fucked up in the head to love her.

Do you understand the toll that takes on me? ”

Thea and Cassius both watched me with pity in their eyes. Thea sighed and stepped forward, gripping me to her in a hug.

“She didn’t have a choice, Haden. It is like Cassius and me.

We would choose each other over anyone else.

You have to realize how devastated Della must have felt doing that, knowing that you would hate her.

Della would never willingly take Remiah from you.

She wouldn’t even tell you that you were mates because she wanted you to find happiness with someone else if you could.

She has spent nine years trying to give you happiness even at the cost of her own. ”

I could feel the pain and agony in my chest as I rubbed it. Cassius looked down at my hand and frowned.

“You’ve always done that. You do realize that whatever you are feeling right now is your bond?”