Page 33

ARI

“Hey, you.” Trey smiles at me from under the oak tree. This time, he’s not lying under it. He’s sitting in the grass with his back leaned against the thick trunk. He had his eyes glued on me the whole time I walked over to him from the woods.

“Are you ready to open up and tell me more of your deep thoughts tonight?”

He closes the book he was reading and lets out a laugh I’ve been craving to hear for a week. “Is that all you came for? A glimpse into my deep thoughts?”

“Yes, and as soon as I get it, I’m leaving.” I grin at him so he knows I’m joking. Then I shake out my blanket and drape it over the grass.

Trey joins me on it. “I have something for you.”

“Another postcard?”

“Nope.” From his backpack, he pulls out a white envelope.

I take it from him and open it, then gasp. It’s a check for a hundred grand. “Nope. Nuh-uh. No way.”

“Look, I already knew you were going to decline. That’s why I wrote you a check. You don’t have to cash it now, but I want you to have it in case the time comes and you decide you want it.”

“Trey, I’ll never want this.”

“Think of it like a donation.” He says that as if handing someone a check for a hundred grand is no big deal.

“I’m not a charity.”

“I’m sure they have charities for infertility out there. Think of this like I’m donating to them, but this is my way of making sure all the funds go to you.”

“I appreciate the thought, but no, thank you.” I hold the envelope out to him.

He doesn’t take it. “Could you at least keep the check in case you change your mind?”

I tear the envelope in half, then half again. “I’ll never change my mind, but thank you.”

Trey glares at the papers as I toss them behind me. “You’ve got a bad habit of doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Ripping shit in half.”

“Oh, that reminds me. I have something for you too.” From my purse, I slip out the taped-up photo I tore apart over two years ago. “Here.”

His breathing stops as I place the photo in his palm.

He stares at it with wide eyes and trembling fingers, then flips it over to read the back.

As if he just remembered that he needs to breathe, he sucks in a shaky breath and lets it out.

Then he flips the photo back over and stares at the front again.

When he finally looks up at me, his eyes are watery.

In a soft whisper, he says, “Thank you for giving this back to me.”

“You’re welcome. I’m sorry for tearing it up.”

“It’s fixed, and I have it back now. That’s all that matters.” As he blinks away the water in his eyes, he pulls his wallet out of his backpack. With gentle fingers, he slides the picture into the crevices of his bifold.

Playfully, I ask, “Was this picture in your wallet when you fell through the portal? Is that why you still had it?”

“Yep,” he says with a light chuckle as he returns the wallet to his backpack.

“Why did you get Alterella an angel-wings necklace?”

“Because I called her my angel.” In my dreams, he mostly calls her Arella or babe. Only occasionally have I heard angel.

“Did you know the name Arella means angel ?” I say, because originally, I thought that’s why he bought her an angel-wings necklace.

“I didn’t know that. I guess that’s fitting.”

“Did you know my parents named me Arella because it’s a combination of their names, Aries and Bella?”

Trey stares at me, and I can practically see the gears turning in his head. Whatever thought just crossed his mind, he ignores it and says, “I’ve been thinking about getting my middle name changed.”

“What is it now?”

“Andrew. I wanna change it to Victor—to honor my dad because he died trying to save my life.”

I have so many questions about that, but I doubt he’ll be open to talking about something so serious. Instead, I ask, “Is that what the letter V in your tattoo stands for?”

Trey’s attention shifts to the tattoo on his left forearm. I’ve been stealing glances at it over the past three weeks. He doesn’t have this tattoo in any of my dreams. The first time I ever saw it was when we sat on that bench outside the softball field.

His tattoo is an acoustic guitar that stretches across the entirety of his inner left forearm.

The body of the guitar is shaped with a blend of fiery red flames mixed with bright blue waves of water.

Going up the neck are sprigs of purple lavender that start off as guitar strings until they spread out into more lavender sprigs, surrounding the guitar’s neck.

At the head of the instrument is the letter V.

When I first saw the V, I thought it looked like a sideways L for Liz.

Trey runs a finger up and down his tattoo. “Yeah, the V was added in honor of my dad.”

“Does the rest of your tattoo have any meaning?” More specifically, does the lavender have to do with me?

Lavender is my favorite color and scent.

I use it for everything—my pillows and blankets, my shampoo, conditioner, hand soap—and it’s my go-to candle scent.

It’s a pretty specific thing for him to have included in his tattoo.

“The guitar represents my love for music, and it was the first instrument I learned to play. The fire and water represent my friendship with Liz. She’s the water; I’m the fire. She’s got a matching water and fire tattoo on her forearm. Hers is just shaped into a circle instead of a guitar.”

I don’t miss how he avoids mentioning the lavender at all. “You guys live together, got matching tattoos, and you still expect your fans to think you’re not dating?”

He offers me a careless shrug. “A few trolls and bad media aren’t gonna stop me from doing what I wanna do. I could be dead and people would still spread rumors about Liz and I sleeping together behind Colton’s back.”

“Does that ever bother Colton?”

“Nah. He sees how Liz and I are in private. We’re close, but even he knows the romantic feelings aren’t there and never have been. He’s so comfortable with it that he doesn’t even care when we cuddle.”

“You cuddle with Liz?”

“Sometimes. Less now that she’s got Colton.”

It must be nice to have such a strong platonic relationship. “Was Alterella ever bothered by your relationship with Liz?”

He pauses to think. “Eh. I wouldn’t say she was bothered. When we first met, she was curious, but once she became good friends with Liz, she never questioned it.”

“How close were Alterella and Liz?”

“Pretty close. They liked to talk about boy bands and make fun of me behind my back—and sometimes to my face.”

Liz seems like a really good friend and someone I’d get along with. I do love boy bands. I wonder which ones are Liz’s favorites. Are they the same as mine? “In your alternate universe, did JFK get assassinated?”

Trey presses his eyebrows together. “Yeah?”

“Lincoln too?”

“Yep.”

“Did your people land on the moon?”

“Yes?” He jerks his head back a little. “Why are you asking me all this?”

“I’m trying to figure out what the differences are between your world and mine.”

He chuckles. “I’m amused, so please, keep going.”

“Did Martin Luther King Junior say, ‘I have a dream’?”

“Yep.”

“Was there a Black Plague?”

“Yep.”

“Did the Titanic sink?”

He freezes. “The Ti-what?”

“ Titanic . You know, the ship that hit the iceberg in 1912, split in half, then went down, taking fifteen hundred people with it.”

“I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

My eyes go wide, then Trey bursts into a laugh. “I’m just fucking with you. Yes, Titanic sank in my universe too.”

I backhand his chest. “Don’t do that!”

He continues laughing as he rubs the spot I hit. I love seeing him laugh. He’s doing it the same way he does in my dreams. It’s light, it’s beautiful, and best of all, it doesn’t sound forced.

We banter for a while as the sky fades to black. Eventually, it hits me that we’ve been talking for so long, I forgot about getting a deep thought out of him. When I mention this out loud, he says, “All right. You can have one deep thought from me tonight. What would you like to know?”

I debate between asking him about the lavender in his tattoo and the question I asked him last week. Since I’ve already got a good feeling about what the lavender represents, I go with the latter. “What have you told your therapist about me?”

“Damn. I was hoping you’d forget about that.”

“Not a chance.”

It takes him a moment to come up with the right words. “I told her that you look like my version of Arella. She knows about what happened after I showed up at your door, thinking you were her.”

I let out a pfft . “That’s not juicy at all. I could have guessed that.”

“If I give you something juicier, will you come back next week?” He gives me a hopeful stare.

I’m planning to come next week no matter what he shares with me. Still, I smirk at him. “That depends on how juicy your information is.”

“Okay. Lemme think.” He spends a whole minute staring at the grass in deep thought. “If I share this with you, will you promise not to judge me or get weirded out?”

I perk up. “Ooo. I like where this is going already. Yes, I promise not to judge or get weirded out.”

“Okay.” He sucks in a breath, then slowly blows it out. “Last week, I told my therapist that I got to see you at this tree. I told her you were planning to come back tonight and that it was the only thing getting me through the week.

“I also told her that while we were here together, I kept forgetting that the rest of the world existed. It wasn’t until I walked you to your car when I finally remembered you were going home to someone else and I’d be going back to an empty apartment in New York.

“My therapist has been working with me on living in the moment instead of dwelling on the past or dreading the future. It’s been a struggle for me.

All my thoughts are either about wishing I’d done things differently or how anxious I am about living the next day without.

..” He sighs as the words get caught in his throat.

“Anyway, when I’m with you, it feels easy to live in the moment and just enjoy your company.

Sometimes I feel some anxiety because my mind drifts to when you have to leave, but when I catch myself doing that, I just do what my therapist taught me.

She said to take an imaginary katana to those out -of-the-moment thoughts and bring myself back to living in the moment. ”

My heart leaps out of my chest over and over again. That’s the most endearing thing anyone has ever said to me. I don’t even remember Caleb’s vows from our wedding, but I’ll probably remember everything Trey just said for the rest of my life.

Without saying it, he basically just told me he wants me, and it’s the most wanted I’ve felt in months.

It doesn’t feel like he wants me for anything more than my presence either.

Simply being around me seems to be enough for him, which is how I feel about him too.

I don’t want him to give me anything, or to perform for me, or to fake a smile.

I just want to sit here with him, hear his voice, see him laugh, and occasionally catch a whiff of his familiar scent.

I tuck a loose wave of hair behind my ear. “If I share something with you, will you also promise not to judge?”

“With all the shit I’ve done, I have no right to judge anyone, so yes. I promise.”

I come out with it before I can change my mind. “I haven’t had sex in three months.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

He knits his eyebrows together. “But... I thought you’re trying to have a baby.”

“That doesn’t mean I’ve had any sex.”

He tilts his head to the side. “Do you not know how baby-making works?”

“Caleb and I have opposite schedules, and whenever I try, he says he’s not in the mood.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Are you telling me that even when you initiate it, he says no ?”

“Basically. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even try anymore because I keep getting denied.”

Trey gapes at me with his mouth fully open. “Is the dude an idiot?”

I shrug with my hands out to my sides. “I think it’s stress. Work has been crazy for him.”

“But... but... he’s got you .” Trey doesn’t expand more on that, as if saying having me is explanation enough.

“Maybe once work settles down, he’ll get back in the mood.”

Eventually, Trey forces his jaw shut and huffs out a breath. “I hate to admit this, but I’ve got you beat. It’s been over two and a half years for me.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

I don’t believe him. How can a single man who looks like he belongs on a billboard advertising a diet and gym routine that actually works go that long without getting laid? I don’t even think I’d believe him if he told me it’s been over two and a half weeks.

“But women practically throw themselves at you.”

With pursed lips, he shakes his head. “None of them are what I want.”

“What are you looking for?”

“Not them.” He chuckles at the way I’m still gaping at him. “I dunno why you’re surprised. I’ve already told you I haven’t been on any dates.”

“You don’t have to go on a date to have sex. I’m sure you’ve had a plethora of one-night stands.”

“In the past, yes, but not anymore.”

“What changed?”

He locks his eyes with mine, and it’s all the answer I need: Losing Alterella changed him. Or losing me . I’m not sure anymore. Our worlds are blending together too much for me to keep them separated.

Trey clears his throat. “Let’s just say that once you’ve had high-speed Wi-Fi, it’s hard to go back to spotty dial-up.”

That makes me laugh so much, I slap my knee. “Are you comparing women and sex to Internet speed?”

“Hell yeah. Tell me that didn’t make sense though.”

I laugh again. “It made a lot of sense.”

“Exactly.”