Page 5

CASPIAN

The purple toy? The one shaped like a W? It’s an inanimate fucking object.

I could stand her letting a flesh-and-blood man please her. He has advantages I don’t. But this… thing ? Fuck no.

How dare it enter her. I’ll shred it to pieces.

Tear away the stack of balls she put in her ass.

Rip away that circling bunny rabbit from the other side of the shaft she put in her sweet, beautiful pussy.

It’s easily twice the width of my handle, but I’ll beat it anyway.

I’ll make her scream louder than that thing ever could.

She consented.

She liked it.

She loved it.

The toy gave her pleasure I can’t, because I only have one measly handle. I don’t vibrate. I was always happy with my size and shape because I was a perfect fit for her hand. I was made the right way for a good purpose. Now I know that in reality, I am slim and short. Fully inadequate.

I have nothing to offer her. I can’t protect her. I can’t love her. I can’t make her grunt the way the purple W just did.

Why should any of that be important?

Because of Jaeger Duke. Because he did something to a woman with long brown hair and a polished face that smeared her lipstick and made her mascara run. I would have protected her too, if I could have. But that’s not the same as needing Julia to be safe.

Duke isn’t done with my perfect fixer. I know that for sure. I don’t know how I know that. But I do.

She needs to use me the way she used the lifeless toy.

By the time Julia brings me downstairs and puts me in the box with the guys, I am more driven than ever.

One chance, the dust mite said. That’s all I get.

It said I’d know it when the time came.

I’m ready.

Julia doesn’t always need us, but she always brings us.

For a few days, in the dark of the toolbox, near the guys but unable to communicate with them, I stay ready.

While she buffs floors and touches up paint, I have moments of impatience.

I can’t do shit from this box. Then I comfort myself with the hope that she’ll use my single, undersized handle out of curiosity, the way she almost did the last time I saw her.

I’ll need to make her curious again, somehow, when the opportunity arises.

Julia and Tonya come in and out of the storage space.

The padlock clicks then clacks. The gates rattle.

The wheels under the compressor squeak and the tube attached to the industrial vacuum knocks around.

The truck that parks next to the storage space roars to life.

Doors slam. Music shakes the speakers then fades.

Wheels crunch… then silence until the same rhythm plays backward.

Unfade-slam-roar-knock-squeak-rattle-clack-click.

That happens four times.

And then, half the morning song plays, and I feel pressure under me as the box is lifted.

It’s our turn.

Did I ever take being this close to her for granted? What a mistake that would have been. I don’t have lungs, but I finally feel as if I can breathe. She’s safe right here, and I’m with her.

Some days I’m in a pocket, but today, I have my own loop next to the other, nonsentient screwdriver.

Unlike my flathead, he has an X on his head.

Julia spins us on her fingertip whenever she plucks us out, and does it again before sliding us back into our loops—like a magician habitually fingering a deck of cards.

Carol, a blonde woman with a shiny face, flits in and out, making suggestions, giving orders, nodding or shaking her head.

I can feel Julia’s hand get a little tight when she’s around.

She isn’t as comfortable around Carol as she was before Duke showed up at the last job, but my perfect girl stays polite and professional.

She uses me to loosen up an electrical outlet so she can make it level with the earth, then to tighten.

I get lightly rapped by the side of the hammer to wedge open two wood panels.

All morning, I am happy and useful. I let myself think that maybe I got myself in a knot for nothing. Maybe Jaeger Duke is out of the picture. His name doesn’t come up at lunch, or afterward when the cabinet handles are replaced.

It’s not until Julia leaves the toolbelt on the counter to go to the bathroom that we’re separated.

Tonya’s in the backyard, straightening the pool gate.

Carol’s directing the movers who are hauling furniture into the living room.

Her phone rings. She points the men to put a table in the corner and answers it while walking into the empty kitchen.

Well, empty except for those of us in Julia’s tool belt.

“No, I haven’t invited her,” she says into the phone. “I think you should wait. Let me work on it.”

She slides me out of my loop and tries to spin me on her fingertip the way Julia does. Of course, she doesn’t do it right. I could have told her I have to be balanced right before the twirl, except for the fact that I don’t have a mouth.

“If you want her, you can’t dangle some bonus Bitcoin or a ride in a Cybertruck.

” She starts to spin me. I fall, thinking, Duke’s not the only one with a Cybertruck.

Right? “I know, but your name isn’t enough to seal the deal.

It might even be…” She trails off as if interrupted.

“What about that lovely girl from the Daiso sto—okay fine. I’ll make sure the handygirl is someplace handy.

” She laughs at her own joke, then listens.

“Of course, Jaeger, honey. You know I always get you what you want.” She puts the phone down with a sigh.

I knew it. JJ Dick.

She picks me up and balances me on a fingertip. Better this time. But instead of trying a spin, she looks at me as if I’ve given her an idea.

No. I don’t want to be the reason this bitch finds the handygirl someplace handy.

“Hey, Carol.” It’s Julia coming back from the bathroom. “We may need half a day tomorrow, but not more.”

Carol puts me down and smiles, tilting her head. “You’re so quick!”

“We won’t charge you for time we didn’t work.” Julia picks me up and slides me into her belt.

“Actually, I just got off the phone with a contractor who needs finishing work over the weekend and through Wednesday.”

No! That’s some handy place!

“Great.” Julia puts our belt around her waist.

“It’s on Catalina Island. Just outside Avalon. Have you been?”

“When I was a kid.”

“Some of the guest houses on his compound have just been renovated and let’s say, you can’t trust a bunch of apes to know the difference between eggshell and satin.”

“How fast does he need it done?”

“Two need to be in some kind of shape by Saturday night. There will be guests staying overnight for a party.”

“We’d need to start right away, but we still have half a day here.”

Julia hates skipping steps and unfinished work.

“Let Tonya finish up here.” Carol shrugs as if it’s nothing. Outside, Tonya clacks the pool gate closed. Smooth and straight. Good job. “For tomorrow, just you. He’ll pay full rate for both of you obviously. She can join you on Saturday morning, and you’ll be all finished up in no time.”

Julia looks out at her partner as she packs up. They’ve done separate jobs before. It’s not a big deal, but she’s worried about something. The instinct to say no is so strong it comes from her gut in waves that even hardened plastic and steel can sense.

She should say no. She’s traveled for Carol before. There’s nothing here that should make her uncomfortable, but she is. And it’s not as if she’s easily scared of sketchy situations.

Carol puts her hand on Julia’s as if she’s a comforting mother. “Let Tonya finish up here tomorrow, and you take a helicopter ride over in the morning, first thing.”

“I can’t bring all the tools if Tonya needs them. We don’t have two sets.”

“Just you and your toolbox, darling,” Carol says. “You’ll have time to get your punchlist in order.”

It must be the mention of a punchlist that clears Julia’s head. Nothing like something so definite—with a beginning, middle, and end—to put her back on track.

“I have a different rate for travel.”

“Of course.”

“Plus a per diem.”

Carol smiles as if she not only expected this, but she’s pleased with it. Of course she is. Julia is putting the canary in the cat’s mouth.

“Send it over for approval. If it’s a problem, I’ll let you know.”

Tonya comes in from the backyard. Her dark skin glows with a thin coat of sweat. “Hey, Carol.” She closes the sliding door as Carol’s phone buzzes.

“Hello, dear. Now there’s one thing. There can’t be any guests.”

“Guests?” Julia asks. “Why would I do that?”

“It’s just something I have to mention.” Carol’s phone rings. She looks at the screen. “Very important.”

“Okay, then. No guests.”

“Good!”

She holds up a finger and leaves the room to take the call.

“Check off the pool gate,” Tonya says, then lowers her voice. “What was that about and why did she have that look on her face?”

“What look?” Julia scans the clipboard, then flips the page.

“Like she had a yellow feather hanging out of her lips?”

“What?”

“I don’t trust her.”

Same, Tonya. Same.

“I know, but she’s our biggest client.” Julia marks something on the second page. “She pays on time. And that was about her getting us another job at a higher rate for next week. With a per diem.”

“How?”

“Travel. Overnight. Me first. Then you. So, double it.”

Tonya sighs. “Truck money.”

“Truck money.”

“I’m going to miss Black Beauty.”

For the second time in a row, I spend the night in her room. This time, I’m in the box with the guys. I can’t see shit with the lid closed, but I know she’s packing her clothes and personal stuff. She finally lifts the lid to make sure we’re all there.

She spins me and runs her thumb along my handle’s grooves. “I still can’t believe I almost lost you.”

Her touch is so tender that I get harder and softer at the same time. Can she possibly feel something? Is she thinking what I’m hoping? Is this the opportunity that demon was talking about?

I have no idea how to capitalize on it. Maybe all I have to do is turn my attention to her. I focus harder and harder. I’m like a laser of absolute concentration.

She puts me down and leaves our box lid open.

That’s disappointing. But I’ll try again this weekend. Doing that felt good. I’m sure I can do it better.

She showers, crawls into bed, and turns out the lights. After a few minutes, she takes out the purple W. The sex toy vibrates, it moves, except it’s just a thing . It’s not shaking with jealousy the way I am. If I wasn’t actually inanimate, this rage could shift tectonic plates.

And the guys? Are they vibrating too?

I think they are. It’s not just me having a reaction to her moaning and humping. And when she’s done, I’m left with this sour feeling that she’s not just done. She’s satisfied . Washing off the thing, she’s thinking fondly of it, caressing it, soaping all its crevices.

She’s only cleaned me once, and I will never forget it. Imagine living a life where she puts you inside her, then tenderly washes your every fissure and crack. Imagine not even knowing how lucky you are, because you aren’t even a person.

Once she puts that thing away, she crawls back into bed and relaxes with her ASMR YouTube videos. She’s asleep in no time. The alarm wakes her up a few hours later.

She and Tonya pack us into the truck.

I can’t help but feel a little smug that she’s leaving behind the purple sex toy.