Page 6 of Savage Sacrifice (The Savage Six #4)

POLARIS

Dear Diary,

I’m home. It feels… strange.

The house is huge. I don’t remember it being this big. I don’t remember it at all. But my bedsheets are a soft violet, I like that color. I think it’s something I would choose.

My roommates are… a lot, and different. So different.

Ben is kind, caring, and funny. Like he wants to make the world a happy place, but there’s a sadness in his eyes, one that I feel deep in my bones.

Foster is a recluse, that’s the best way to describe him. Maybe it’s because we haven’t been here long and I’m overthinking it, but he leaves his room for food and quickly scurries away to hide from the rest of us, or the world, I don’t know.

Bianca on the other hand, I’m sure the house next door can hear her complaining. Has she always been this mouthy? I don’t know, but I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt since we’ve all been through so much. Maybe that’s all it is, maybe once we actually sleep it will be different.

Sleeping, though, as good of an idea as it is, eludes me.

I want to sleep, I want to wake up tomorrow with a true fresh start, without a nurse at my bedside, in my own sheets with a smile. The only problem with that is the fear of falling asleep. My mind won’t stop racing, worry overwhelming my nerves.

Somehow I’ve concluded that sleeping means something bad could happen. I don’t know why, but it’s taken root and I can’t shake it.

Hopefully, once I’ve finished unloading on you, I’ll feel better. That’s my goal, at least.

I also have to be up early in the morning. My alarm is set. When we arrived home, all of my college belongings were spread out on my bed.

Me.

College.

I don’t know why it feels weird, but I get the strangest sense of pride from it.

Psychology. My major.

It’s exciting, although I'm worried about what I do and don’t recall. So far, I’m making it through life, but I don’t remember anything about myself. General knowledge and other things like that are still present. I just have to hope the accident doesn’t affect my studies.

I guess I’ll find that out tomorrow.

What else am I worried about…

Everything?

No, I need to be more specific than that if I’m going to be able to clear my mind.

I’m worried that even though I’m in this house full of people, I’m still actually alone.

I’m concerned that my life is failing miserably and spiraling out of my control.

I’m frightened that I’ll never remember. The good, the bad, all of it.

I’m petrified that I’m missing some important detail, something so significant it will alter the chemistry in my brain, but all I do is draw a blank.

My mind is offering me nothing.

Maybe tomorrow will be different. Maybe it can if I choose it to be.

Yes. I like that.

How do affirmations work? I know the word, and kind of the meaning, but it feels foreign to me. Did I do them before? I don’t know, but there’s no harm in trying now.

Tomorrow is going to be amazing.

Tomorrow is going to be awesome because I am in control.

I am strong enough to face the day.

I am confident enough to walk with pride and purpose.

I am resilient enough to take it on.

At least I don’t have any physical wounds to deal with, just these mental barriers.

Only tomorrow will tell.

I’ll keep you posted.

Love Polaris x

P.S, just in case the affirmations do work, let’s add an extra one to the mix.

I am asleep.