Page 231 of Santa Daddies

What. A. Complete. Bitch.

“I was so angry that when Lochlan, my lawyer, told me that we should retaliate, I said yes. Probably shouldn’t have. But that bitch told them private shit. And she did that because she knew that was what would hurt me most. So we sent the photos of her and Tommy to the press. And then I left LA and came back here. And I haven’t really spoken to anyone from that world since. Well, except my asshole lawyer. Because he’s also one of my best friends and Miles makes me talk to him.”

Her mind was whirling.

Alice wasn’t sure what to do with all of that information.

“I know that what I said and did was wrong,” he told her. “I put what happened to me with Jenna onto you. You are not Jenna. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. You might not be able to forgive me, but, fuck, baby. I hope you can. I know I’m not good enough for you. I know that I’m a grouchy, untrusting, cynical bastard and that you deserve way more. But if you give me a chance, maybe I can change. Maybe I can be what you need. Because ever since I kicked you out of my house all I wanted was for you to walk back through the door and fill my life with . . . well, fuck, can’t believe I’m going to be this cheesy. But fill my life with sunshine.”

Chapter Eleven

She filled his life with sunshine? Is that really what he thought?

Her heart skipped as he said that. But was it enough? Was this what she needed in her life?

Lord, she’d done nothing else since she left but think of him, want him, wish that she was back with him.

However, what if this ended up hurting her? What if there was something else he found out about her that he didn’t like? And he just threw her away again like yesterday’s garbage? She wasn’t sure that she would survive that.

A strange noise hit her ears and she flinched as she realized it was coming from her.

“Baby,” he said loudly. “Shit, please let me in. Or just please don’t make that sound. I’m not sure I can stand it. Not sure I can stand that I’ve hurt you this much. I’m the worst sort of person.”

No. She couldn’t have him thinking like that. He wasn’t a terrible person. He could be so protective and kind. And he’d thought that she’d betrayed his trust in her.

Alice just didn’t know how to let him in again without being scared of rejection.

Well, there was one way she could scare him off. Or test whether he really did want her.

“I get it. You can’t forgive me. Or trust me. But, baby, at least stay for a while. It’s nearly Christmas and you don’t want to spend it in this motel room. And you probably won’t get a flight at this late stage.”

No. She doubted that she would. At least not without it costing a freaking fortune.

“You can still go to the cabin. The road is clear for driving. Or I can drive you up there. Joey can even drive your vehicle so you have it with you. I don’t want you to feel trapped.”

Would the cabin still be available for her? It should be. She’d paid for it up until the second of January.

Did she want to drive back up the mountain? To stay so close to him? But what was the alternative? This motel room sucked. It was cold and damp smelling and there wasn’t a single Christmas decoration in sight.

Maybe once she was in a better frame of mind she could drive back up the mountain. Could have the Christmas holiday of her dreams.

Alone.

Well, she wouldn’t be completely alone. She’d have Lola.

Somehow, that wasn’t the comfort that it had once been.

God. She couldn’t help but think this would be easier if he hadn’t come down to explain. If she didn’t know his reasons for being an asshole. Maybe it would have been more of a clean break and she wouldn’t have to wonder and think for years to come about what could have been if she’d been braver.

If she’d just let herself trust.

Now there was still a tie to him. It was thin and it wouldn’t take much to snap it in two.

“Okay, baby. I’m going to leave you alone. But I’ll write my phone number down on a piece of paper. I want you to put it into your phone. I’ll write Miles and Joey’s down too. If you decideto go to Caldwell’s cabin, message one of us. I don’t want you driving up there alone.”

She frowned at that. She’d driven down here alone.

“And I know that’s fucking hypocritical of me or some shit considering I forced you out of my house and to drive down here on your own. But I worried about you, even thinking that you had lied to and betrayed me. Now I won’t rest if I’m thinking about you driving without someone at least knowing. Although I would prefer you let me drive you.”