Page 101 of Santa Daddies

Dawn’s hand shot up and with her Mommy’s nod of consent, she said, “I picked up the posters today and I want to give kudos to Marcie for creating such fabulous graphics. We might be pushing pigs, but the posters make them look like enchanting creatures everyone will simply have to own.”

“In other words, she prettied up the porkers?”

Henry asked the question in the same serious tone I’d bet he used when interviewing suspects of a crime. I’d also bet that by the time the new year rolled around, as a group we would have exhausted every single word ever created that began with the letter “P”.

“Exactly!” Dawn confirmed. “I didn’t think bringing a full-size one to dinner was such a good idea?—”

“She means I nixed that the moment a cylinder the size of a water-main pipe dropped out from beneath her skirt,” Tilda cut in.

Dawn just giggled and shrugged. “I tried to wrap the poster around my thigh, but it took so many wraps that my leg was too fat to pull my jeans over it. So, I rolled it up without my leg being included and tried a skirt. Here’s a tip: if you’re going to stuff something heavy up your skirt, don’t count on flimsy ribbons to hold it in place, you need something more like wrist cuffs. Besides, trying to grip that huge thing between my thighs not only made my muscles ache, it made me waddle like a little duck.”

When stunned silence was the response to that, she looked around the table and then turned to look behind her as if expecting to see what had turned her audience speechless.

“What?” she finally inquired when nothing appeared to be shock worthy.

“Nothing,” Emma was the first to speak. “I think that as great as Marcie is in creating graphics, you are pretty good at creating visuals with just words.”

“Yeah, especially words like ribbons, cuffs, heavy, stuff, huge, thighs, muscles, oh, and waddling. Though I admit if I was the one waddling, I’d have a totally different image of where I’d been clenching something,” Henry said.

Watching color bloom from Dawn’s neck to travel up her face and settle in her cheeks was lovely. What was lovelier was to watch her slap her hand over her mouth to stifle her giggle. I’d been pretty impressed at her openness the night we’d first met her, and the intervening years had only had my respect grow.

“That’s why we make such a great writing team, right, Mommy?” she asked.

“That’s one reason,” Tilda agreed with a smile. “But back to the point?”

“Right, pictures. I’ve made a collage out of the photos Marcie took so you’ll get an idea and if we all agree, then I’ll get everything printed and ready to pass out and plaster everywhere.”

“Isn’t it a tad bit early to advertise?” Leo asked.

“Not according to Henry,” Chloe said. “Remember? He said people had to see something more than once for it to imprint on their subconscious.”

“I think that was hearing something often, but I think seeing the graphics will also have an impact,” I said. “A good advertisement has people itching to get their hands on whatever is being promoted.”

Jenna sat forward, her hand waving above her like a helicopter rotor blade.

“Go ahead, Jeanna. You can tell us what has you about to explode while Dawn passes the tablet.”

“Thanks! I just got a brilliant idea, and it’s yours, Uncle Austin!”

She ignored my blank expression as if I’d understood which I most certainly didn’t. “Which is?”

“Stuffies!”

“What about them?”

“Well, first of all, they are just adorable, but more importantly, they are something you can keep forever. The pigs we’re selling are precious, but their whole purpose is to be smashed and eaten.”

“Don’t forget?—”

“I know, Chloe! The ultimate gift is the sharing of blessings and hopes of prosperity, good luck and all those yummy feelings, but when it comes down to it, those pieces of peppermint windup in your belly. Then what do you have left?” She held out her hands and dusted them together. “Nothing but the memories.”

“You still have the cute little velvet bags,” Emma said. “I already have some of my favorite jewelry in mine.”

“Don’t forget the mallet,” Henry offered.

“What’s that good for? It’s tiny,” Chloe said.

“You’d be surprised how powerful tiny things can be,” Marcie said, giving me the side-eye.