Page 36 of Sailing Free at Loch Tunnagan (Loch Tunnagan #1)

T he softness of the country hills gave way to the hard edges of the city, and so too did her heart.

The tears that had been making their way down her cheeks dried up and her resolve hardened.

Cal’s words from their conversation on the bench ran through her mind and realisation dawned on her.

With a sinking feeling she was forced to acknowledge that Cal was not ready to start a new relationship.

Whatever she had hoped may happen between them simply couldn’t be.

She pulled up to the flat and felt a buzzing come from her phone. A text from Cal lit up the screen.

Where are you?

I’m at my flat. She replied .

Can I come by?

Confused, she started to type a reply explaining how far a drive it was then thought it would be better to ring him. He answered straight away.

“Cal, you know my flat’s in Glasgow, right? You can’t drive all that way.”

“Too late,” replied Cal, “I’m already in Glasgow.”

“You're mad,” she laughed in disbelief. “I’ll send you my address.”

Jess made two cups of tea while she waited for Cal to arrive. It was strange to be back in the flat again. It no longer felt like home, more like an Air bnb.

Ryan had messaged to say he was planning to stay at his parents for a bit once he got out of hospital. It would give Jess some breathing space and allow her to make arrangements for whatever she was planning to do next. If only she knew what that was.

A gentle knock at the door startled her from her thoughts. Focussing on the hard resolve she had established on the drive down; she took a deep breath and opened the door. But just one look at the man in front of her had her traitorous heart hammering in her chest, threatening to crumble her walls.

He appeared uncharacteristically unsure of himself as he looked down at her.

“Hey, sorry for coming by so late.” There was a softness in his voice as he spoke.

She shook her head to dismiss his need for an apology, “No, it's good. Come in.”

She moved to the side to let him in. Having Cal stand in her flat felt surreal. Like she was merging two separate parts of her life.

His frame was larger than Ryan’s and his presence made the furniture look smaller. He filled the chair as he sat down opposite her.

“I can’t believe you drove all this way,” she exclaimed.

Cal shrugged his shoulders, passing off the remark as if the long drive was nothing. He was quiet for a minute; trying to find the right words.

Finally, he spoke, “I’m sorry for the way I reacted earlier. Something inside me snapped when I heard that Jack was coming back. I should never have spoken to you like that.”

Jess nodded but waited for him to continue.

“Jess, I really really like you. I don’t want us to stop spending time together.”

Jess placed her hand on top of his and tried to ignore the familiar spark that ignited inside her chest whenever they touched.

“I’m going to stop you right there. We both know that this will never work until you let yourself deal with everything that happened. Cal, you need to allow the wounds to heal. It doesn’t mean you’ll forget Lainey or stop loving her.”

Cal nodded silently and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he gulped. He didn’t speak but she knew he had taken on board what she’d said.

“Stay the night, it’s too late for you to drive back.” she told him.

She showed him to the second bedroom and gave him a spare toothbrush. They were both tired and neither of them spoke but it was a comfortable, domestic type of silence as they got ready for bed. “Thanks Jess,” whispered Cal when she turned off the light and crossed the hall.

She stopped in her tracks as soon as she entered her bedroom. It was a visceral reaction. She was rooted to the spot and couldn’t take a step closer to the bed. Images of Steph and Ryan filled her head and caused the bile in her stomach to rise.

“Cal,” she called quietly at his door, “Are you still awake?”

“Yeah, come in,” he called.

She opened the door and peered into the dark, “Can I sleep in here with you? I don’t want to sleep in that bed again.”

Cal didn’t say anything. He simply moved over to make space for her as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

She slid under the covers and relaxed as the warmth in the sheets seeped into her tired muscles.

He wrapped his arm around her and she felt his lips kiss the top of her head before she drifted off to sleep.

Three Months Later

Months had passed by since Cal had stayed over.

Jess still felt an ache in her chest whenever she thought about him; and she thought about him often.

They had exchanged texts but always in a professional way, regarding the boat race and ceilidh or very occasionally they would message excitedly if one of them had spotted Maurice on the trail cam but that was the full extent of her contact with him now.

She found respite in keeping busy. Her mind was less likely to stray towards thoughts of him when she was focussed on a task.

And thankfully life had been remarkably busy since she’d returned to Glasgow.

The sale of the business had taken precedence and Paul had surprised them when he expressed an interest in purchasing it.

He had been left money by a grandparent who had sadly passed away and had put an offer in immediately.

Jess and Ryan couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.

Paul knew the business inside and out. He had already made some unexpected but amazing changes and it was thriving.

Jess had been accepted onto the three-month diploma course in Edinburgh to study Event Management. Her experience in the business world had served her well and the course had flown by.

She’d just finished her final exam and was waiting excitedly at the train station. A huge grin spread across her face when three familiar faces appeared in the crowd. She ran over and flung her arms around Olivia, Dawn and Lorna.

“Oh, my goodness, it's so good to see you!” she squealed.

Their hug didn’t last long as they were jostled along by the sea of people who were disembarking from the train.

“Come on.” She pulled them into a quiet cafe just off the main stairs at Waverley Station.

Jess sputtered a laugh at the shell-shocked expression on Dawn's face.

“That was a horrendous amount of people to squeeze into one place!” she exclaimed. “Please tell me the rest of the shopping trip isn’t going to be that manic.”

Lorna smiled, “Dawn, you really need to get out of the village more often.”

“I go to Crieff,” said Dawn defensively.

Olivia laughed, “That’s not exactly a metropolis, there’s about ten shops in Crieff. You need to expand your horizons every now and then.”

“Well, I think this is a bit extreme,” huffed Dawn.

“I’m just glad you’re here, thank you for being brave,” Jess smiled as she squeezed Dawn’s hand. “Plus, we’re going to have A LOT more choice of dress shops here.”

“I can’t believe the boat race is tomorrow!” exclaimed Olivia. “It’s going to be so good to get dressed up for the ceilidh. I never get a chance to be glamorous any more…. Well apart from when Amelie puts blusher on me and sticks a tiara on my head.”

“How is Amelie?” asked Jess, “I miss her.”

“She’s still obsessed with octopuses,” smiled Olivia.

“I did my annual dance show last week and Amelie’s group were all dressed as animals.

Of course, Amelie chose to be a Pacific Octopus; the largest octopus in the world.

Her tentacles were so big that she did a pirouette and accidentally wiped out half the class.

” Lorna pulled out her phone and showed Jess a video of the disastrous performance.

Jess chuckled when the camera spun to the audience and caught the parents desperately trying to look anywhere else in a bid not to laugh. Her heart caught in her throat when she spotted Cal standing by the curtains at the side of the stage.

Dawn had clearly clocked her reaction, “He’s doing well,” she said softly.

“He’s been working through things. I don’t know what you said to him but he went straight to the doctor’s the day after you left and they suggested counselling.

He’s been going regularly ever since and it’s made a huge impact.

He was reluctant at first but I honestly think he enjoys the sessions now,” a wistful smile formed at her lips. “He misses you though.”

Feeling awkward, Jess changed the subject. “We'd better get going.”

“Yes,” grinned Lorna, “we need to find Olivia an extra nice dress for her big date!”

Olivia rolled her eyes, “It's not a big deal guys.”

“What big date?” enquired jess.

“Remember Clark from the pub. The guy who was Olivia's boyfriend in High School?”

Jess nodded.

“He asked Olivia if she wanted to go to the ceilidh with him!”