Page 49 of Sad Girl Hours
Chapter Forty-nine
Nell
The others were up for a hang-out, and Saffron is still not up yet. She said she’d be back for Vivvie’s showcase, which is in two days, but the others still haven’t heard from her. Not about the showcase, not about anything .
“Wait, none of you have heard from her at all?” Vivvie’s sitting cross-legged on our living-room floor, furiously embroidering some floaty-looking fabric.
“I messaged her a few times but I didn’t get an answer, and I figured she was too busy living it up with you.
” She points her needle at me. “And I’ve been so fucking busy sewing for the showcase that I didn’t have time to think anything was weird.
If I’d known she was back home, I might have worried more. ”
“Yeah, does anyone else get bad vibes from Saff’s parents?” Casper says.
“Yes, Casp,” Jenna says. “Literally everyone does.”
“So, really, none of you have heard from her either?” I ask. “Not since New Year’s Eve.”
It’s headshakes and ‘nopes’ all around.
“I thought it was just me,” I say softly.
That hurt but somehow this feels worse. What if she’s not OK? What if something’s happened?
“Maybe her parents have taken it one step further and confiscated her phone?” Casper suggests. “I know she’s literally an adult, but maybe they’re even worse than we all thought.”
“She’s still been posting videos,” I say, shaking my head. “They could have been scheduled, but I don’t think so.”
I’ve been checking every day and watching.
Two have been old ones, filmed before she left my house, but the most recent one is definitely new.
She didn’t show her face in it but it was definitely filmed in her room at home, with her talking about black holes and how they’re formed.
She’s doing the voiceover, and I can’t help but analyse the cadences of her voice.
She sounds low. There’s not the peppiness that she normally puts on for her audience.
She talks about how black holes are made when the gravity of a star overwhelms the pressure that’s on it to keep its shape, the core collapses, casting off a supernova while everything that’s left is just the absence of anything.
I get the video up on my phone and we watch it. When it ends, I look up, and see that they’re all concerned too.
“Anyone else think that was one of the most oddly depressing things they’ve ever listened to?” Vivvie says shrewdly.
Casper puts his hand up.
Vivvie gets out her phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Calling her. Trying to get to the bottom of whatever this is.” She puts it on speaker.
We listen as the dialling tone rings over and over until we get her voicemail.
“Hey, Saff, it’s Viv. Answer us, carino – we miss you.
All right, I’ll speak to you soon – SOON, OK? I love you.” She hangs up. “Hmph.”
“Should I try next?” Casper offers.
Jenna strokes his leg. “I don’t think so, babe. I don’t think she’s going to answer any of us.”
“I’ll keep trying,” Vivvie says. “She’s got to pick up eventually.”
I don’t want to talk about this. “I don’t think she does. But she’s got to come back for your showcase which, speaking of, we should all be helping you prep for. What’s still left to do?”
“Only about ten thousand things,” Vivvie says dramatically, thankfully allowing me to change the subject. “You can’t help with the finishing touches on this –” she holds up the fabric as she pulls her needle through it – “but I do have a couple of other things I could do with your help on.”
“Name them,” I say, aware I sound a little manic. “We’re all ready to help, aren’t we, guys?”
“Sure,” Jenna says, but she’s watching me with careful eyes. “Whatever you need, Vivs.”
They all keep chatting about— OK, honestly I have no idea what they’re talking about. I’m mostly staring into space, trying and failing not to think about Saffron and what she’s doing or how she’s feeling.
I start out of my thoughts when I suddenly become aware that they’re all watching me.
“You OK?” Casper asks.
“I’m fine,” I say.
Jenna and Vivvie share a look behind Casper.
I want to join in, I really do. I’ve missed them all.
But there’s someone I’m missing even more, someone with long golden hair and an endless litany of facts about space.
A body that I held close under mine and marvelled at the softness of, and a brain that I just know is being mean to her right now.
I want her to be OK. That’s all I want. It’s killing me a little bit knowing that she definitely isn’t.
I swallow back tears that I then let flood into Jenna’s lap later that night when Casper and Vivvie have gone home.
“ I just want her to be OK .” The words float quietly out into the dark of my room in between soft, shuddering sobs.
Jenna strokes my back. “I know, babe. I know you do.”